第67章

第67章“i’vecaughtmycock-sparrow!soyoudidbelieveitbefore,ifnowyoubelievelessthanever?”

“notatall,”criedzametov,obviouslyembarrassed.“haveyoubeenfrighteningmesoastoleaduptothis?”

“youdon’tbelieveitthen?whatwereyoutalkingaboutbehindmybackwheniwentoutofthepolice-office?andwhydidtheexplosivelieutenantquestionmeafterifainted?hey,there,”heshoutedtothewaiter,gettingupandtakinghiscap,“howmuch?”

“thirtycopecks,”thelatterreplied,runningup.

“andthereistwentycopecksforvodka.seewhatalotofmoney!”heheldouthisshakinghandtozametovwithnotesinit.“rednotesandblue,twenty-fiveroubles.wheredidigetthem?andwheredidmynewclothescomefrom?youknowihadnotacopeck.you’vecross-examinedmylandlady,i’llbebound.…well,that’senough!assezcause!tillwemeetagain!”

hewentout,tremblingalloverfromasortofwildhystericalsensation,inwhichtherewasanelementofinsufferablerapture.yethewasgloomyandterriblytired.hisfacewastwistedasafterafit.hisfatigueincreasedrapidly.anyshock,anyirritatingsensationstimulatedandrevivedhisenergiesatonce,buthisstrengthfailedasquicklywhenthestimuluswasremoved.

zametov,leftalone,satforalongtimeinthesameplace,plungedinthought.raskolnikovhadunwittinglyworkedarevolutioninhisbrainonacertainpointandhadmadeuphismindforhimconclusively.

“ilyapetrovitchisablockhead,”hedecided.

raskolnikovhadhardlyopenedthedooroftherestaurantwhenhestumbledagainstrazumihinonthesteps.theydidnotseeeachothertilltheyalmostknockedagainsteachother.foramomenttheystoodlookingeachotherupanddown.razumihinwasgreatlyastounded,thenanger,realangergleamedfiercelyinhiseyes.

“sohereyouare!”heshoutedatthetopofhisvoice—“youranawayfromyourbed!andherei’vebeenlookingforyouunderthesofa!wewentuptothegarret.ialmostbeatnastasyaonyouraccount.andhereheisafterall.rodya!whatisthemeaningofit?tellmethewholetruth!confess!doyouhear?”

“itmeansthati’msicktodeathofyouallandiwanttobealone,”raskolnikovansweredcalmly.

“alone?whenyouarenotabletowalk,whenyourfaceisaswhiteasasheetandyouaregaspingforbreath!idiot!…whathaveyoubeendoinginthepalaisdecristal?ownupatonce!”

“letmego!”saidraskolnikovandtriedtopasshim.thiswastoomuchforrazumihin;hegrippedhimfirmlybytheshoulder.

“letyougo?youdaretellmetoletyougo?doyouknowwhati’lldowithyoudirectly?i’llpickyouup,tieyouupinabundle,carryyouhomeundermyarmandlockyouup!”

“listen,razumihin,”raskolnikovbeganquietly,apparentlycalm—“can’tyouseethatidon’twantyourbenevolence?astrangedesireyouhavetoshowerbenefitsonamanwho…cursesthem,whofeelsthemaburdeninfact!whydidyouseekmeoutatthebeginningofmyillness?maybeiwasverygladtodie.didn’titellyouplainlyenoughto-daythatyouweretorturingme,thatiwas…sickofyou!youseemtowanttotorturepeople!iassureyouthatallthatisseriouslyhinderingmyrecovery,becauseit’scontinuallyirritatingme.yousawzossimovwentawayjustnowtoavoidirritatingme.youleavemealonetoo,forgoodness’sake!whatrighthaveyou,indeed,tokeepmebyforce?don’tyouseethatiaminpossessionofallmyfacultiesnow?how,howcanipersuadeyounottopersecutemewithyourkindness?imaybeungrateful,imaybemean,onlyletmebe,forgod’ssake,letmebe!letmebe,letmebe!”

hebegancalmly,gloatingbeforehandoverthevenomousphraseshewasabouttoutter,butfinished,pantingforbreath,inafrenzy,ashehadbeenwithluzhin.

razumihinstoodamoment,thoughtandlethishanddrop.

“well,gotohellthen,”hesaidgentlyandthoughtfully.“stay,”heroared,asraskolnikovwasabouttomove.“listentome.letmetellyou,thatyouareallasetofbabbling,posingidiots!ifyou’veanylittletroubleyoubroodoveritlikeahenoveranegg.andyouareplagiaristseveninthat!thereisn’tasignofindependentlifeinyou!youaremadeofspermacetiointmentandyou’velymphinyourveinsinsteadofblood.idon’tbelieveinanyoneofyou!inanycircumstancesthefirstthingforallofyouistobeunlikeahumanbeing!stop!”hecriedwithredoubledfury,noticingthatraskolnikovwasagainmakingamovement—“hearmeout!youknowi’mhavingahouse-warmingthisevening,idaresaythey’vearrivedbynow,butileftmyunclethere—ijustranin—toreceivetheguests.andifyouweren’tafool,acommonfool,aperfectfool,ifyouwereanoriginalinsteadofatranslation…yousee,rodya,irecogniseyou’reacleverfellow,butyou’reafool!—andifyouweren’tafoolyou’dcomeroundtomethiseveninginsteadofwearingoutyourbootsinthestreet!sinceyouhavegoneout,there’snohelpforit!i’dgiveyouasnugeasychair,mylandladyhasone…acupoftea,company.…oryoucouldlieonthesofa—anywayyouwouldbewithus.…zossimovwillbetheretoo.willyoucome?”

“no.”

“r-rubbish!”razumihinshouted,outofpatience.“howdoyouknow?youcan’tanswerforyourself!youdon’tknowanythingaboutit.…thousandsoftimesi’vefoughttoothandnailwithpeopleandrunbacktothemafterwards.…onefeelsashamedandgoesbacktoaman!soremember,potchinkov’shouseonthethirdstorey.…”

“why,mr.razumihin,idobelieveyou’dletanybodybeatyoufromsheerbenevolence.”

“beat?whom?me?i’dtwisthisnoseoffatthemereidea!potchinkov’shouse,47,babushkin’sflat.…”

“ishallnotcome,razumihin.”raskolnikovturnedandwalkedaway.

“ibetyouwill,”razumihinshoutedafterhim.“irefusetoknowyouifyoudon’t!stay,hey,iszametovinthere?”

“yes.”

“didyouseehim?”

“yes.”

“talkedtohim?”

“yes.”

“whatabout?confoundyou,don’ttellmethen.potchinkov’shouse,47,babushkin’sflat,remember!”