第63章

第63章butassoonasshewentout,hegotup,latchedthedoor,undidtheparcelwhichrazumihinhadbroughtinthateveningandhadtiedupagainandbegandressing.strangetosay,heseemedimmediatelytohavebecomeperfectlycalm;notatraceofhisrecentdeliriumnorofthepanicfearthathadhauntedhimoflate.itwasthefirstmomentofastrangesuddencalm.hismovementswerepreciseanddefinite;afirmpurposewasevidentinthem.“to-day,to-day,”hemutteredtohimself.heunderstoodthathewasstillweak,buthisintensespiritualconcentrationgavehimstrengthandself-confidence.hehoped,moreover,thathewouldnotfalldowninthestreet.whenhehaddressedinentirelynewclothes,helookedatthemoneylyingonthetable,andafteramoment’sthoughtputitinhispocket.itwastwenty-fiveroubles.hetookalsoallthecopperchangefromthetenroublesspentbyrazumihinontheclothes.thenhesoftlyunlatchedthedoor,wentout,slippeddownstairsandglancedinattheopenkitchendoor.nastasyawasstandingwithherbacktohim,blowingupthelandlady’ssamovar.sheheardnothing.whowouldhavedreamedofhisgoingout,indeed?aminutelaterhewasinthestreet.

itwasnearlyeighto’clock,thesunwassetting.itwasasstiflingasbefore,butheeagerlydrankinthestinking,dustytownair.hisheadfeltratherdizzy;asortofsavageenergygleamedsuddenlyinhisfeverisheyesandhiswasted,paleandyellowface.hedidnotknowanddidnotthinkwherehewasgoing,hehadonethoughtonly:“thatallthismustbeendedto-day,onceforall,immediately;thathewouldnotreturnhomewithoutit,becausehewouldnotgoonlivinglikethat.”how,withwhattomakeanend?hehadnotanideaaboutit,hedidnotevenwanttothinkofit.hedroveawaythought;thoughttorturedhim.allheknew,allhefeltwasthateverythingmustbechanged“onewayoranother,”herepeatedwithdesperateandimmovableself-confidenceanddetermination.

fromoldhabithetookhisusualwalkinthedirectionofthehaymarket.adark-hairedyoungmanwithabarrelorganwasstandingintheroadinfrontofalittlegeneralshopandwasgrindingoutaverysentimentalsong.hewasaccompanyingagirloffifteen,whostoodonthepavementinfrontofhim.shewasdressedupinacrinoline,amantleandastrawhatwithaflame-colouredfeatherinit,allveryoldandshabby.inastrongandratheragreeablevoice,crackedandcoarsenedbystreetsinging,shesanginhopeofgettingacopperfromtheshop.raskolnikovjoinedtwoorthreelisteners,tookoutafivecopeckpieceandputitinthegirl’shand.shebrokeoffabruptlyonasentimentalhighnote,shoutedsharplytotheorgangrinder“comeon,”andbothmovedontothenextshop.

“doyoulikestreetmusic?”saidraskolnikov,addressingamiddle-agedmanstandingidlybyhim.themanlookedathim,startledandwondering.

“ilovetohearsingingtoastreetorgan,”saidraskolnikov,andhismannerseemedstrangelyoutofkeepingwiththesubject—“ilikeitoncold,dark,dampautumnevenings—theymustbedamp—whenallthepassers-byhavepalegreen,sicklyfaces,orbetterstillwhenwetsnowisfallingstraightdown,whenthere’snowind—youknowwhatimean?—andthestreetlampsshinethroughit…”

“idon’tknow.…excuseme…”mutteredthestranger,frightenedbythequestionandraskolnikov’sstrangemanner,andhecrossedovertotheothersideofthestreet.

raskolnikovwalkedstraightonandcameoutatthecornerofthehaymarket,wherethehucksterandhiswifehadtalkedwithlizaveta;buttheywerenottherenow.recognisingtheplace,hestopped,lookedroundandaddressedayoungfellowinaredshirtwhostoodgapingbeforeacornchandler’sshop.

“isn’tthereamanwhokeepsaboothwithhiswifeatthiscorner?”

“allsortsofpeoplekeepboothshere,”answeredtheyoungman,glancingsuperciliouslyatraskolnikov.

“what’shisname?”

“whathewaschristened.”

“aren’tyouazaraiskyman,too?whichprovince?”

theyoungmanlookedatraskolnikovagain.

“it’snotaprovince,yourexcellency,butadistrict.graciouslyforgiveme,yourexcellency!”

“isthatatavernatthetopthere?”

“yes,it’saneating-houseandthere’sabilliard-roomandyou’llfindprincessestheretoo.…la-la!”

raskolnikovcrossedthesquare.inthatcornertherewasadensecrowdofpeasants.hepushedhiswayintothethickestpartofit,lookingatthefaces.hefeltanountableinclinationtoenterintoconversationwithpeople.butthepeasantstooknonoticeofhim;theywereallshoutingingroupstogether.hestoodandthoughtalittleandtookaturningtotherightinthedirectionofv.

hehadoftencrossedthatlittlestreetwhichturnsatanangle,leadingfromthemarket-placetosadovystreet.oflatehehadoftenfeltdrawntowanderaboutthisdistrict,whenhefeltdepressed,thathemightfeelmoreso.