第44章

第44章“yes,iamgiddy.goon!”

“that’sall.signit.”

theheadclerktookthepaper,andturnedtoattendtoothers.

raskolnikovgavebackthepen;butinsteadofgettingupandgoingaway,heputhiselbowsonthetableandpressedhisheadinhishands.hefeltasifanailwerebeingdrivenintohisskull.astrangeideasuddenlyoccurredtohim,togetupatonce,togouptonikodimfomitch,andtellhimeverythingthathadhappenedyesterday,andthentogowithhimtohislodgingsandtoshowhimthethingsintheholeinthecorner.theimpulsewassostrongthathegotupfromhisseattocarryitout.“hadn’tibetterthinkaminute?”flashedthroughhismind.“no,bettercastofftheburdenwithoutthinking.”butallatoncehestoodstill,rootedtothespot.nikodimfomitchwastalkingeagerlywithilyapetrovitch,andthewordsreachedhim:

“it’simpossible,they’llbothbereleased.tobeginwith,thewholestorycontradictsitself.whyshouldtheyhavecalledtheporter,ifithadbeentheirdoing?toinformagainstthemselves?orasablind?no,thatwouldbetoocunning!besides,pestryakov,thestudent,wasseenatthegatebyboththeportersandawomanashewentin.hewaswalkingwiththreefriends,wholefthimonlyatthegate,andheaskedtheporterstodirecthim,inthepresenceofthefriends.now,wouldhehaveaskedhiswayifhehadbeengoingwithsuchanobject?asforkoch,hespenthalfanhouratthesilversmith’sbelow,beforehewentuptotheoldwomanandhelefthimatexactlyaquartertoeight.nowjustconsider…”

“butexcuseme,howdoyouexplainthiscontradiction?theystatethemselvesthattheyknockedandthedoorwaslocked;yetthreeminuteslaterwhentheywentupwiththeporter,itturnedoutthedoorwasunfastened.”

“that’sjustit;themurderermusthavebeenthereandboltedhimselfin;andthey’dhavecaughthimforacertaintyifkochhadnotbeenanassandgonetolookfortheportertoo.hemusthaveseizedtheintervaltogetdownstairsandslipbythemsomehow.kochkeepscrossinghimselfandsaying:‘ifihadbeenthere,hewouldhavejumpedoutandkilledmewithhisaxe.’heisgoingtohaveathanksgivingservice—ha,ha!”

“andnoonesawthemurderer?”

“theymightwellnotseehim;thehouseisaregularnoah’sark,”saidtheheadclerk,whowaslistening.

“it’sclear,quiteclear,”nikodimfomitchrepeatedwarmly.

“no,itisanythingbutclear,”ilyapetrovitchmaintained.

raskolnikovpickeduphishatandwalkedtowardsthedoor,buthedidnotreachit.…

whenherecoveredconsciousness,hefoundhimselfsittinginachair,supportedbysomeoneontherightside,whilesomeoneelsewasstandingontheleft,holdingayellowishglassfilledwithyellowwater,andnikodimfomitchstandingbeforehim,lookingintentlyathim.hegotupfromthechair.

“what’sthis?areyouill?”nikodimfomitchasked,rathersharply.

“hecouldhardlyholdhispenwhenhewassigning,”saidtheheadclerk,settlingbackinhisplace,andtakinguphisworkagain.

“haveyoubeenilllong?”criedilyapetrovitchfromhisplace,wherehe,too,waslookingthroughpapers.hehad,ofcourse,cometolookatthesickmanwhenhefainted,butretiredatoncewhenherecovered.

“sinceyesterday,”mutteredraskolnikovinreply.

“didyougooutyesterday?”

“yes.”

“thoughyouwereill?”

“yes.”

“atwhattime?”

“aboutseven.”

“andwheredidyougo,myiask?”

“alongthestreet.”

“shortandclear.”

raskolnikov,whiteasahandkerchief,hadansweredsharply,jerkily,withoutdroppinghisblackfeverisheyesbeforeilyapetrovitch’sstare.

“hecanscarcelystandupright.andyou…”nikodimfomitchwasbeginning.

“nomatter,”ilyapetrovitchpronouncedratherpeculiarly.

nikodimfomitchwouldhavemadesomefurtherprotest,butglancingattheheadclerkwhowaslookingveryhardathim,hedidnotspeak.therewasasuddensilence.itwasstrange.

“verywell,then,”concludedilyapetrovitch,“wewillnotdetainyou.”

raskolnikovwentout.hecaughtthesoundofeagerconversationonhisdeparture,andabovetherestrosethequestioningvoiceofnikodimfomitch.inthestreet,hisfaintnesspassedoffcompletely.

“asearch—therewillbeasearchatonce,”herepeatedtohimself,hurryinghome.“thebrutes!theysuspect.”

hisformerterrormasteredhimcompletelyagain.