第15章

第15章“mydearrodya,”wrotehismother—“it’stwomonthssinceilasthadatalkwithyoubyletterwhichhasdistressedmeandevenkeptmeawakeatnight,thinking.butiamsureyouwillnotblamemeformyinevitablesilence.youknowhowiloveyou;youareallwehavetolookto,douniaandi,youareourall,ouronehope,ouronestay.whatagriefitwastomewheniheardthatyouhadgivenuptheuniversitysomemonthsago,forwantofmeanstokeepyourselfandthatyouhadlostyourlessonsandyourotherwork!howcouldihelpyououtofmyhundredandtwentyroublesayearpension?thefifteenroublesisentyoufourmonthsagoiborrowed,asyouknow,onsecurityofmypension,fromvassilyivanovitchvahrushinamerchantofthistown.heisakind-heartedmanandwasafriendofyourfather’stoo.buthavinggivenhimtherighttoreceivethepension,ihadtowaittillthedebtwaspaidoffandthatisonlyjustdone,sothati’vebeenunabletosendyouanythingallthistime.butnow,thankgod,ibelieveishallbeabletosendyousomethingmoreandinfactwemaycongratulateourselvesonourgoodfortunenow,ofwhichihastentoinformyou.inthefirstplace,wouldyouhaveguessed,dearrodya,thatyoursisterhasbeenlivingwithmeforthelastsixweeksandweshallnotbeseparatedinthefuture.thankgod,hersufferingsareover,butiwilltellyoueverythinginorder,sothatyoumayknowjusthoweverythinghashappenedandallthatwehavehithertoconcealedfromyou.whenyouwrotetometwomonthsagothatyouhadheardthatdouniahadagreatdealtoputupwithinthesvidrigrailovs’house,whenyouwrotethatandaskedmetotellyouallaboutit—whatcouldiwriteinanswertoyou?ifihadwrittenthewholetruthtoyou,idaresayyouwouldhavethrownupeverythingandhavecometous,evenifyouhadtowalkalltheway,foriknowyourcharacterandyourfeelings,andyouwouldnotletyoursisterbeinsulted.iwasindespairmyself,butwhatcouldido?and,besides,ididnotknowthewholetruthmyselfthen.whatmadeitallsodifficultwasthatdouniareceivedahundredroublesinadvancewhenshetooktheplaceasgovernessintheirfamily,onconditionofpartofhersalarybeingdeductedeverymonth,andsoitwasimpossibletothrowupthesituationwithoutrepayingthedebt.thissum(nowicanexplainitalltoyou,mypreciousrodya)shetookchieflyinordertosendyousixtyroubles,whichyouneededsoterriblythenandwhichyoureceivedfromuslastyear.wedeceivedyouthen,writingthatthismoneycamefromdounia’ssavings,butthatwasnotso,andnowitellyouallaboutit,because,thankgod,thingshavesuddenlychangedforthebetter,andthatyoumayknowhowdounialovesyouandwhataheartshehas.atfirstindeedmr.svidrigailovtreatedherveryrudelyandusedtomakedisrespectfulandjeeringremarksattable.…butidon’twanttogointoallthosepainfuldetails,soasnottoworryyoufornothingwhenitisnowallover.inshort,inspiteofthekindandgenerousbehaviourofmarfapetrovna,mr.svidrigailov’swife,andalltherestofthehousehold,douniahadaveryhardtime,especiallywhenmr.svidrigailov,relapsingintohisoldregimentalhabits,wasundertheinfluenceofhus.andhowdoyouthinkitwasallexplainedlateron?wouldyoubelievethatthecrazyfellowhadconceivedapassionfordouniafromthebeginning,buthadconcealeditunderashowofrudenessandcontempt.possiblyhewasashamedandhorrifiedhimselfathisownflightyhopes,consideringhisyearsandhisbeingthefatherofafamily;andthatmadehimangrywithdounia.andpossibly,too,hehopedbyhisrudeandsneeringbehaviourtohidethetruthfromothers.butatlasthelostallcontrolandhadthefacetomakedouniaanopenandshamefulproposal,promisingherallsortsofinducementsandoffering,besides,tothrowupeverythingandtakehertoanotherestateofhis,orevenabroad.youcanimagineallshewentthrough!toleavehersituationatoncewasimpossiblenotonlyonaccountofthemoneydebt,butalsotosparethefeelingsofmarfapetrovna,whosesuspicionswouldhavebeenaroused:andthendouniawouldhavebeenthecauseofaruptureinthefamily.anditwouldhavemeantaterriblescandalfordouniatoo;thatwouldhavebeeninevitable.therewerevariousotherreasonsowingtowhichdouniacouldnothopetoescapefromthatawfulhouseforanothersixweeks.youknowdounia,ofcourse;youknowhowcleversheisandwhatastrongwillshehas.douniacanendureagreatdealandeveninthemostdifficultcasesshehasthefortitudetomaintainherfirmness.shedidnotevenwritetomeabouteverythingforfearofupsettingme,althoughwewereconstantlyincommunication.itallendedveryunexpectedly.marfapetrovnaaccidentallyoverheardherhusbandimploringdouniainthegarden,and,puttingquiteawronginterpretationontheposition,threwtheblameuponher,believinghertobethecauseofitall.anawfulscenetookplacebetweenthemonthespotinthegarden;marfapetrovnawentsofarastostrikedounia,refusedtohearanythingandwasshoutingatherforawholehourandthengaveordersthatdouniashouldbepackedoffatoncetomeinaplainpeasant’scart,intowhichtheyflungallherthings,herlinenandherclothes,allpell-mell,withoutfoldingitupandpackingit.andaheavyshowerofraincameon,too,anddounia,insultedandputtoshame,hadtodrivewithapeasantinanopencartalltheseventeenverstsintotown.onlythinknowwhatanswercouldihavesenttotheletterireceivedfromyoutwomonthsagoandwhatcouldihavewritten?iwasindespair;idarednotwritetoyouthetruthbecauseyouwouldhavebeenveryunhappy,mortifiedandindignant,andyetwhatcouldyoudo?youcouldonlyperhapsruinyourself,and,besides,douniawouldnotallowit;andfillupmyletterwithtrifleswhenmyheartwassofullofsorrow,icouldnot.forawholemonththetownwasfullofgossipaboutthisscandal,anditcametosuchapassthatdouniaandidarednotevengotochurchonaccountofthecontemptuouslooks,whispers,andevenremarksmadealoudaboutus.allouracquaintancesavoidedus,nobodyevenbowedtousinthestreet,andilearntthatsomeshopmenandclerkswereintendingtoinsultusinashamefulway,smearingthegatesofourhousewithpitch,sothatthelandlordbegantotelluswemustleave.allthiswassetgoingbymarfapetrovnawhomanagedtoslanderdouniaandthrowdirtatherineveryfamily.sheknowseveryoneintheneighbourhood,andthatmonthshewascontinuallycomingintothetown,andassheisrathertalkativeandfondofgossipingaboutherfamilyaffairsandparticularlyofcomplainingtoallandeachofherhusband—whichisnotatallright—soinashorttimeshehadspreadherstorynotonlyinthetown,butoverthewholesurroundingdistrict.itmademeill,butdouniaboreitbetterthanidid,andifonlyyoucouldhaveseenhowsheendureditallandtriedtocomfortmeandcheermeup!sheisanangel!butbygod’smercy,oursufferingswerecutshort:mr.svidrigailovreturnedtohissensesandrepentedand,probablyfeelingsorryfordounia,helaidbeforemarfapetrovnaacompleteandunmistakableproofofdounia’sinnocence,intheformofaletterdouniahadbeenforcedtowriteandgivetohim,beforemarfapetrovnacameupontheminthegarden.thisletter,whichremainedinmr.svidrigailov’shandsafterherdeparture,shehadwrittentorefusepersonalexplanationsandsecretinterviews,forwhichhewasentreatingher.inthatlettershereproachedhimwithgreatheatandindignationforthebasenessofhisbehaviourinregardtomarfapetrovna,remindinghimthathewasthefatherandheadofafamilyandtellinghimhowinfamousitwasofhimtotormentandmakeunhappyadefencelessgirl,unhappyenoughalready.indeed,dearrodya,theletterwassonoblyandtouchinglywrittenthatisobbedwhenireaditandtothisdayicannotreaditwithouttears.moreover,theevidenceoftheservants,too,cleareddounia’sreputation;theyhadseenandknownagreatdealmorethanmr.svidrigailovhadhimselfsupposed—asindeedisalwaysthecasewithservants.marfapetrovnawascompletelytakenaback,and‘againcrushed’asshesaidherselftous,butshewascompletelyconvincedofdounia’sinnocence.theverynextday,beingsunday,shewentstraighttothecathedral,kneltdownandprayedwithtearstoourladytogiveherstrengthtobearthisnewtrialandtodoherduty.thenshecamestraightfromthecathedraltous,toldusthewholestory,weptbitterlyand,fullypenitent,sheembraceddouniaandbesoughthertoforgiveher.thesamemorningwithoutanydelay,shewentroundtoallthehousesinthetownandeverywhere,sheddingtears,sheassertedinthemostflatteringtermsdounia’sinnocenceandthenobilityofherfeelingsandherbehavior.whatwasmore,sheshowedandreadtoeveryonetheletterindounia’sownhandwritingtomr.svidrigailovandevenallowedthemtotakecopiesofit—whichimustsayithinkwassuperfluous.inthiswayshewasbusyforseveraldaysindrivingaboutthewholetown,becausesomepeoplehadtakenoffencethroughprecedencehavingbeengiventoothers.andthereforetheyhadtotaketurns,sothatineveryhouseshewasexpectedbeforeshearrived,andeveryoneknewthatonsuchandsuchadaymarfapetrovnawouldbereadingtheletterinsuchandsuchaplaceandpeopleassembledforeveryreadingofit,evenmanywhohadhearditseveraltimesalreadybothintheirownhousesandinotherpeople’s.inmyopinionagreatdeal,averygreatdealofallthiswasunnecessary;butthat’smarfapetrovna’scharacter.anywaysheeededincompletelyre-establishingdounia’sreputationandthewholeignominyofthisaffairrestedasanindelibledisgraceuponherhusband,astheonlypersontoblame,sothatireallybegantofeelsorryforhim;itwasreallytreatingthecrazyfellowtooharshly.douniawasatonceaskedtogivelessonsinseveralfamilies,butsherefused.allofasuddeneveryonebegantotreatherwithmarkedrespectandallthisdidmuchtobringabouttheeventbywhich,onemaysay,ourwholefortunesarenowtransformed.youmustknow,dearrodya,thatdouniahasasuitorandthatshehasalreadyconsentedtomarryhim.ihastentotellyouallaboutthematter,andthoughithasbeenarrangedwithoutaskingyourconsent,ithinkyouwillnotbeaggrievedwithmeorwithyoursisteronthataccount,foryouwillseethatwecouldnotwaitandputoffourdecisiontillweheardfromyou.andyoucouldnothavejudgedallthefactswithoutbeingonthespot.thiswashowithappened.heisalreadyoftherankofacounsellor,pyotrpetrovitchluzhin,andisdistantlyrelatedtomarfapetrovna,whohasbeenveryactiveinbringingthematchabout.itbeganwithhisexpressingthroughherhisdesiretomakeouracquaintance.hewasproperlyreceived,drankcoffeewithusandtheverynextdayhesentusaletterinwhichheverycourteouslymadeanofferandedforaspeedyanddecidedanswer.heisaverybusymanandisinagreathurrytogettopetersburg,sothateverymomentisprecioustohim.atfirst,ofcourse,weweregreatlysurprised,asithadallhappenedsoquicklyandunexpectedly.wethoughtandtalkeditoverthewholeday.heisawell-to-doman,tobedependedupon,hehastwopostsinthegovernmentandhasalreadymadehisfortune.itistruethatheisforty-fiveyearsold,butheisofafairlyprepossessingappearanceandmightstillbethoughtattractivebywomen,andheisaltogetheraveryrespectableandpresentableman,onlyheseemsalittlemoroseandsomewhatconceited.butpossiblythatmayonlybetheimpressionhemakesatfirstsight.andbeware,dearrodya,whenhecomestopetersburg,asheshortlywilldo,bewareofjudginghimtoohastilyandseverely,asyourwayis,ifthereisanythingyoudonotlikeinhimatfirstsight.igiveyouthiswarning,althoughifeelsurethathewillmakeafavourableimpressionuponyou.moreover,inordertounderstandanymanonemustbedeliberateandcarefultoavoidformingprejudicesandmistakenideas,whichareverydifficulttocorrectandgetoverafterwards.andpyotrpetrovitch,judgingbymanyindications,isathoroughlyestimableman.athisfirstvisit,indeed,hetoldusthathewasapracticalman,butstillheshares,asheexpressedit,manyoftheconvictions‘ofourmostrisinggeneration’andheisanopponentofallprejudices.hesaidagooddealmore,forheseemsalittleconceitedandlikestobelistenedto,butthisisscarcelyavice.i,ofcourse,understoodverylittleofit,butdouniaexplainedtomethat,thoughheisnotamanofgreateducation,heiscleverandseemstobegood-natured.youknowyoursister’scharacter,rodya.sheisaresolute,sensible,patientandgenerousgirl,butshehasapassionateheart,asiknowverywell.ofcourse,thereisnogreatloveeitheronhisside,oronhers,butdouniaisaclevergirlandhastheheartofanangel,andwillmakeitherdutytomakeherhusbandhappywhoonhissidewillmakeherhappinesshiscare.ofthatwehavenogoodreasontodoubt,thoughitmustbeadmittedthematterhasbeenarrangedingreathaste.besidesheisamanofgreatprudenceandhewillsee,tobesure,ofhimself,thathisownhappinesswillbethemoresecure,thehappierdouniaiswithhim.andasforsomedefectsofcharacter,forsomehabitsandevencertaindifferencesofopinion—whichindeedareinevitableeveninthehappiestmarriages—douniahassaidthat,asregardsallthat,shereliesonherself,thatthereisnothingtobeuneasyabout,andthatsheisreadytoputupwithagreatdeal,ifonlytheirfuturerelationshipcanbeanhonourableandstraightforwardone.hestruckme,forinstance,atfirst,asratherabrupt,butthatmaywellcomefromhisbeinganoutspokenman,andthatisnodoubthowitis.forinstance,athissecondvisit,afterhehadreceiveddounia’sconsent,inthecourseofconversation,hedeclaredthatbeforemakingdounia’sacquaintance,hehadmadeuphismindtomarryagirlofgoodreputation,withoutdowryand,aboveall,onewhohadexperiencedpoverty,because,asheexplained,amanoughtnottobeindebtedtohiswife,butthatitisbetterforawifetolookuponherhusbandasherbenefactor.imustaddthatheexpresseditmorenicelyandpolitelythanihavedone,forihaveforgottenhisactualphrasesandonlyrememberthemeaning.and,besides,itwasobviouslynotsaidofdesign,butslippedoutintheheatofconversation,sothathetriedafterwardstocorrecthimselfandsmoothitover,butallthesameitdidstrikemeassomewhatrude,andisaidsoafterwardstodounia.butdouniawasvexed,andansweredthat‘wordsarenotdeeds,’andthat,ofcourse,isperfectlytrue.douniadidnotsleepallnightbeforeshemadeuphermind,and,thinkingthatiwasasleep,shegotoutofbedandwaswalkingupanddowntheroomallnight;atlastshekneltdownbeforetheikonandprayedlongandferventlyandinthemorningshetoldmethatshehaddecided.