第14章

第14章hewakeduplatenextdayafterabrokensleep.buthissleephadnotrefreshedhim;hewakedupbilious,irritable,ill-tempered,andlookedwithhatredathisroom.itwasatinycupboardofaroomaboutsixpacesinlength.ithadapoverty-strickenappearancewithitsdustyyellowpaperpeelingoffthewalls,anditwassolow-pitchedthatamanofmorethanaverageheightwasillateaseinitandfelteverymomentthathewouldknockhisheadagainsttheceiling.thefurniturewasinkeepingwiththeroom:therewerethreeoldchairs,ratherrickety;apaintedtableinthecorneronwhichlayafewmanuscriptsandbooks;thedustthatlaythickuponthemshowedthattheyhadbeenlonguntouched.abigclumsysofaoccupiedalmostthewholeofonewallandhalfthefloorspaceoftheroom;itwasoncecoveredwithchintz,butwasnowinragsandservedraskolnikovasabed.oftenhewenttosleeponit,ashewas,withoutundressing,withoutsheets,wrappedinhisoldstudent’sovercoat,withhisheadononelittlepillow,underwhichheheapedupallthelinenhehad,cleananddirty,bywayofabolster.alittletablestoodinfrontofthesofa.

itwouldhavebeendifficulttosinktoalowerebbofdisorder,buttoraskolnikovinhispresentstateofmindthiswaspositivelyagreeable.hehadgotcompletelyawayfromeveryone,likeatortoiseinitsshell,andeventhesightofaservantgirlwhohadtowaituponhimandlookedsometimesintohisroommadehimwrithewithnervousirritation.hewasintheconditionthatovertakessomemonomaniacsentirelyconcentratedupononething.hislandladyhadforthelastfortnightgivenupsendinghiminmeals,andhehadnotyetthoughtofexpostulatingwithher,thoughhewentwithouthisdinner.nastasya,thecookandonlyservant,wasratherpleasedatthelodger’smoodandhadentirelygivenupsweepinganddoinghisroom,onlyonceaweekorsoshewouldstrayintohisroomwithabroom.shewakedhimupthatday.

“getup,whyareyouasleep?”shecalledtohim.“it’spastnine,ihavebroughtyousometea;willyouhaveacup?ishouldthinkyou’refairlystarving?”

raskolnikovopenedhiseyes,startedandrecognisednastasya.

“fromthelandlady,eh?”heasked,slowlyandwithasicklyfacesittinguponthesofa.

“fromthelandlady,indeed!”

shesetbeforehimherowncrackedteapotfullofweakandstaleteaandlaidtwoyellowlumpsofsugarbythesideofit.

“here,nastasya,takeitplease,”hesaid,fumblinginhispocket(forhehadsleptinhisclothes)andtakingoutahandfulofcoppers—“runandbuymealoaf.andgetmealittlesausage,thecheapest,atthepork-butcher’s.”

“theloafi’llfetchyouthisveryminute,butwouldn’tyouratherhavesomecabbagesoupinsteadofsausage?it’scapitalsoup,yesterday’s.isaveditforyouyesterday,butyoucameinlate.it’sfinesoup.”

whenthesouphadbeenbrought,andhehadbegunuponit,nastasyasatdownbesidehimonthesofaandbeganchatting.shewasacountrypeasant-womanandaverytalkativeone.

“praskovyapavlovnameanstocomplaintothepoliceaboutyou,”shesaid.

hescowled.

“tothepolice?whatdoesshewant?”

“youdon’tpayhermoneyandyouwon’tturnoutoftheroom.that’swhatshewants,tobesure.”

“thedevil,that’sthelaststraw,”hemuttered,grindinghisteeth,“no,thatwouldnotsuitme…justnow.sheisafool,”headdedaloud.“i’llgoandtalktoherto-day.”

“foolsheisandnomistake,justasiam.butwhy,ifyouaresoclever,doyoulieherelikeasackandhavenothingtoshowforit?onetimeyouusedtogoout,yousay,toteachchildren.butwhyisityoudonothingnow?”

“iamdoing…”raskolnikovbegansullenlyandreluctantly.

“whatareyoudoing?”

“work…”

“whatsortofwork?”

“iamthinking,”heansweredseriouslyafterapause.

nastasyawasovercomewithafitoflaughter.shewasgiventolaughterandwhenanythingamusedher,shelaughedinaudibly,quiveringandshakingallovertillshefeltill.

“andhaveyoumademuchmoneybyyourthinking?”shemanagedtoarticulateatlast.

“onecan’tgoouttogivelessonswithoutboots.andi’msickofit.”

“don’tquarrelwithyourbreadandbutter.”

“theypaysolittleforlessons.what’stheuseofafewcoppers?”heanswered,reluctantly,asthoughreplyingtohisownthought.

“andyouwanttogetafortuneallatonce?”

helookedatherstrangely.

“yes,iwantafortune,”heansweredfirmly,afterabriefpause.

“don’tbeinsuchahurry,youquitefrightenme!shalligetyoutheloafornot?”

“asyouplease.”

“ah,iforgot!alettercameforyouyesterdaywhenyouwereout.”

“aletter?forme!fromwhom?”

“ican’tsay.igavethreecopecksofmyowntothepostmanforit.willyoupaymeback?”

“thenbringittome,forgod’ssake,bringit,”criedraskolnikovgreatlyexcited—“goodgod!”

aminutelatertheletterwasbroughthim.thatwasit:fromhismother,fromtheprovinceofr——.heturnedpalewhenhetookit.itwasalongwhilesincehehadreceivedaletter,butanotherfeelingalsosuddenlystabbedhisheart.

“nastasya,leavemealone,forgoodness’sake;hereareyourthreecopecks,butforgoodness’sake,makehasteandgo!”

theletterwasquiveringinhishand;hedidnotwanttoopenitinherpresence;hewantedtobeleftalonewiththisletter.whennastasyahadgoneout,helifteditquicklytohislipsandkissedit;thenhegazedintentlyattheaddress,thesmall,slopinghandwriting,sodearandfamiliar,ofthemotherwhohadoncetaughthimtoreadandwrite.hedelayed;heseemedalmostafraidofsomething.atlastheopenedit;itwasathickheavyletter,weighingovertwoounces,twolargesheetsofnotepaperwerecoveredwithverysmallhandwriting.