第13章

第13章raskolnikovrecognisedkaterinaivanovnaatonce.shewasarathertall,slimandgracefulwoman,terriblyemaciated,withmagnificentdarkbrownhairandwithahecticflushinhercheeks.shewaspacingupanddowninherlittleroom,pressingherhandsagainstherchest;herlipswereparchedandherbreathingcameinnervousbrokengasps.hereyesglitteredasinfeverandlookedaboutwithaharshimmovablestare.andthatconsumptiveandexcitedfacewiththelastflickeringlightofthecandle-endplayinguponitmadeasickeningimpression.sheseemedtoraskolnikovaboutthirtyyearsoldandwascertainlyastrangewifeformarmeladov.…shehadnotheardthemanddidnotnoticethemcomingin.sheseemedtobelostinthought,hearingandseeingnothing.theroomwasclose,butshehadnotopenedthewindow;astenchrosefromthestaircase,butthedoorontothestairswasnotclosed.fromtheinnerroomscloudsofosmokefloatedin,shekeptcoughing,butdidnotclosethedoor.theyoungestchild,agirlofsix,wasasleep,sittingcurleduponthefloorwithherheadonthesofa.aboyayearolderstoodcryingandshakinginthecorner,probablyhehadjusthadabeating.besidehimstoodagirlofnineyearsold,tallandthin,wearingathinandedchemisewithanancientcashmerepelisseflungoverherbareshoulders,longoutgrownandbarelyreachingherknees.herarm,asthinasastick,wasroundherbrother’sneck.shewastryingtocomforthim,whisperingsomethingtohim,anddoingallshecouldtokeephimfromwhimperingagain.atthesametimeherlargedarkeyes,whichlookedlargerstillfromthethinnessofherfrightenedface,werewatchinghermotherwithalarm.marmeladovdidnotenterthedoor,butdroppedonhiskneesintheverydoorway,pushingraskolnikovinfrontofhim.thewomanseeingastrangerstoppedindifferentlyfacinghim,comingtoherselfforamomentandapparentlywonderingwhathehadcomefor.butevidentlyshedecidedthathewasgoingintothenextroom,ashehadtopassthroughherstogetthere.takingnofurthernoticeofhim,shewalkedtowardstheouterdoortocloseitandutteredasuddenscreamonseeingherhusbandonhiskneesinthedoorway.

“ah!”shecriedoutinafrenzy,“hehascomeback!thecriminal!themonster!…andwhereisthemoney?what’sinyourpocket,showme!andyourclothesarealldifferent!whereareyourclothes?whereisthemoney!speak!”

andshefelltosearchinghim.marmeladovsubmissivelyandobedientlyheldupbotharmstofacilitatethesearch.notafarthingwasthere.

“whereisthemoney?”shecried—“mercyonus,canhehavedrunkitall?thereweretwelvesilverroublesleftinthechest!”andinafurysheseizedhimbythehairandedhimintotheroom.marmeladovsecondedhereffortsbymeeklycrawlingalongonhisknees.

“andthisisaconsolationtome!thisdoesnothurtme,butisapositivecon-so-la-tion,ho-nou-redsir,”hecalledout,shakentoandfrobyhishairandevenoncestrikingthegroundwithhisforehead.thechildasleeponthefloorwokeup,andbegantocry.theboyinthecornerlosingallcontrolbegantremblingandscreamingandrushedtohissisterinviolentterror,almostinafit.theeldestgirlwasshakinglikealeaf.

“he’sdrunkit!he’sdrunkitall,”thepoorwomanscreamedindespair—“andhisclothesaregone!andtheyarehungry,hungry!”—andwringingherhandsshepointedtothechildren.“oh,accursedlife!andyou,areyounotashamed?”—shepouncedallatonceuponraskolnikov—“fromthetavern!haveyoubeendrinkingwithhim?youhavebeendrinkingwithhim,too!goaway!”

theyoungmanwashasteningawaywithoututteringaword.theinnerdoorwasthrownwideopenandinquisitivefaceswerepeeringinatit.coarselaughingfaceswithpipesandcigarettesandheadswearingcapsthrustthemselvesinatthedoorway.furtherincouldbeseenfiguresindressinggownsflungopen,incostumesofunseemlyscantiness,someofthemwithcardsintheirhands.theywereparticularlydiverted,whenmarmeladov,edaboutbyhishair,shoutedthatitwasaconsolationtohim.theyevenbegantocomeintotheroom;atlastasinistershrilloutcrywasheard:thiscamefromamalialippevechselherselfpushingherwayamongstthemandtryingtorestoreorderafterherownfashionandforthehundredthtimetofrightenthepoorwomanbyorderingherwithcoarseabusetoclearoutoftheroomnextday.ashewentout,raskolnikovhadtimetoputhishandintohispocket,tosnatchupthecoppershehadreceivedinexchangeforhisroubleinthetavernandtolaythemunnoticedonthewindow.afterwardsonthestairs,hechangedhismindandwouldhavegoneback.

“whatastupidthingi’vedone,”hethoughttohimself,“theyhavesoniaandiwantitmyself.”butreflectingthatitwouldbeimpossibletotakeitbacknowandthatinanycasehewouldnothavetakenit,hedismisseditwithawaveofhishandandwentbacktohislodging.“soniawantspomatumtoo,”hesaidashewalkedalongthestreet,andhelaughedmalignantly—“suchsmartnesscostsmoney.…hm!andmaybesoniaherselfwillbebankruptto-day,forthereisalwaysarisk,huntingbiggame…ingforgold…thentheywouldallbewithoutacrustto-morrowexceptformymoney.hurrahforsonia!whataminethey’vedugthere!andthey’remakingthemostofit!yes,theyaremakingthemostofit!they’veweptoveritandgrownusedtoit.mangrowsusedtoeverything,thescoundrel!”

hesankintothought.

“andwhatifiamwrong,”hecriedsuddenlyafteramoment’sthought.“whatifmanisnotreallyascoundrel,maningeneral,imean,thewholeraceofmankind—thenalltherestisprejudice,simplyartificialterrorsandtherearenobarriersandit’sallasitshouldbe.”