第8章

第8章hisconversationseemedtoexciteageneralthoughlanguidinterest.theboysatthecounterfelltoering.theinnkeepercamedownfromtheupperroom,apparentlyonpurposetolistentothe“funnyfellow”andsatdownatalittledistance,yawninglazily,butwithdignity.evidentlymarmeladovwasafamiliarfigurehere,andhehadmostlikelyacquiredhisweaknessforhigh-flownspeechesfromthehabitoffrequentlyenteringintoconversationwithstrangersofallsortsinthetavern.thishabitdevelopsintoanecessityinsomedrunkards,andespeciallyinthosewhoarelookedaftersharplyandkeptinorderathome.henceinthecompanyofotherdrinkerstheytrytojustifythemselvesandevenifpossibleobtainconsideration.

“funnyfellow!”pronouncedtheinnkeeper.“andwhydon’tyouwork,whyaren’tyouatyourduty,ifyouareintheservice?”

“whyaminotatmyduty,honouredsir,”marmeladovwenton,addressinghimselfexclusivelytoraskolnikov,asthoughithadbeenhewhoputthatquestiontohim.“whyaminotatmyduty?doesnotmyheartachetothinkwhatauselesswormiam?amonthagowhenmr.lebeziatnikovbeatmywifewithhisownhands,andilaydrunk,didn’tisuffer?excuseme,youngman,hasiteverhappenedtoyou…hm…well,topetitionhopelesslyforaloan?”

“yes,ithas.butwhatdoyoumeanbyhopelessly?”

“hopelesslyinthefullestsense,whenyouknowbeforehandthatyouwillgetnothingbyit.youknow,forinstance,beforehandwithpositivecertaintythatthisman,thismostreputableandexemplarycitizen,willonnoconsiderationgiveyoumoney;andindeediaskyouwhyshouldhe?forheknowsofcoursethatishan’tpayitback.fromcompassion?butmr.lebeziatnikovwhokeepsupwithmodernideasexplainedtheotherdaythatcompassionisforbiddennowadaysbyscienceitself,andthatthat’swhatisdonenowinengland,wherethereispoliticaleconomy.why,iaskyou,shouldhegiveittome?andyetthoughiknowbeforehandthathewon’t,isetofftohimand…”

“whydoyougo?”putinraskolnikov.

“well,whenonehasnoone,nowhereelseonecango!foreverymanmusthavesomewheretogo.sincetherearetimeswhenoneabsolutelymustgosomewhere!whenmyowndaughterfirstwentoutwithayellowticket,thenihadtogo…(formydaughterhasayellowpassport),”headdedinparenthesis,lookingwithacertainuneasinessattheyoungman.“nomatter,sir,nomatter!”hewentonhurriedlyandwithapparentcomposurewhenboththeboysatthecounterguffawedandeventheinnkeepersmiled—“nomatter,iamnotconfoundedbytheingoftheirheads;foreveryoneknowseverythingaboutitalready,andallthatissecretismadeopen.andiacceptitall,notwithcontempt,butwithhumility.sobeit!sobeit!‘beholdtheman!’excuseme,youngman,canyou.…no,toputitmorestronglyandmoredistinctly;notcanyoubutdareyou,lookinguponme,assertthatiamnotapig?”

theyoungmandidnotansweraword.

“well,”theoratorbeganagainstolidlyandwithevenincreaseddignity,afterwaitingforthelaughterintheroomtosubside.“well,sobeit,iamapig,butsheisalady!ihavethesemblanceofabeast,butkaterinaivanovna,myspouse,isapersonofeducationandanofficer’sdaughter.granted,granted,iamascoundrel,butsheisawomanofanobleheart,fullofsentiments,refinedbyeducation.andyet…oh,ifonlyshefeltforme!honouredsir,honouredsir,youknoweverymanoughttohaveatleastoneplacewherepeoplefeelforhim!butkaterinaivanovna,thoughsheismagnanimous,sheisunjust.…andyet,althoughirealisethatwhenshepullsmyhairsheonlydoesitoutofpity—forirepeatwithoutbeingashamed,shepullsmyhair,youngman,”hedeclaredwithredoubleddignity,hearingtheeringagain—“but,mygod,ifshewouldbutonce.…butno,no!it’sallinvainandit’snousetalking!nousetalking!formorethanonce,mywishdidcometrueandmorethanonceshehasfeltformebut…suchismyfateandiamabeastbynature!”

“rather!”assentedtheinnkeeperyawning.marmeladovstruckhisfistresolutelyonthetable.

“suchismyfate!doyouknow,sir,doyouknow,ihavesoldherverystockingsfordrink?nothershoes—thatwouldbemoreorlessintheorderofthings,butherstockings,herstockingsihavesoldfordrink!hermohairshawlisoldfordrink,apresenttoherlongago,herownproperty,notmine;andweliveinacoldroomandshecaughtcoldthiswinterandhasbeguncoughingandspittingbloodtoo.wehavethreelittlechildrenandkaterinaivanovnaisatworkfrommorningtillnight;sheisscrubbingandcleaningandwashingthechildren,forshe’sbeenusedtocleanlinessfromachild.butherchestisweakandshehasatendencytoconsumptionandifeelit!doyousupposeidon’tfeelit?andthemoreidrinkthemoreifeelit.that’swhyidrinktoo.itrytofindsympathyandfeelingindrink.…idrinksothatimaysuffertwiceasmuch!”andasthoughindespairhelaidhisheaddownonthetable.