第4章

第4章hehadnotfartogo;heknewindeedhowmanystepsitwasfromthegateofhislodginghouse:exactlysevenhundredandthirty.hehadcountedthemoncewhenhehadbeenlostindreams.atthetimehehadputnofaithinthosedreamsandwasonlytantalisinghimselfbytheirhideousbutdaringrecklessness.now,amonthlater,hehadbeguntolookuponthemdifferently,and,inspiteofthemonologuesinwhichhejeeredathisownimpotenceandindecision,hehadinvoluntarilycometoregardthis“hideous”dreamasanexploittobeattempted,althoughhestilldidnotrealisethishimself.hewaspositivelygoingnowfora“rehearsal”ofhisproject,andateverystephisexcitementgrewmoreandmoreviolent.

withasinkingheartandanervoustremor,hewentuptoahugehousewhichononesidelookedontothecanal,andontheotherintothestreet.thishousewasletoutintinytenementsandwasinhabitedbyworkingpeopleofallkinds—tailors,locksmiths,cooks,germansofsorts,girlspickingupalivingasbesttheycould,pettyclerks,etc.therewasacontinualcomingandgoingthroughthetwogatesandinthetwocourtyardsofthehouse.threeorfourdoor-keeperswereemployedonthebuilding.theyoungmanwasverygladtomeetnoneofthem,andatonceslippedunnoticedthroughthedoorontheright,andupthestaircase.itwasabackstaircase,darkandnarrow,buthewasfamiliarwithitalready,andknewhisway,andhelikedallthesesurroundings:insuchdarknesseventhemostinquisitiveeyeswerenottobedreaded.

“ifiamsoscarednow,whatwoulditbeifitsomehowcametopassthatiwerereallygoingtodoit?”hecouldnothelpaskinghimselfashereachedthefourthstorey.therehisprogresswasbarredbysomeporterswhowereengagedinmovingfurnitureoutofaflat.heknewthattheflathadbeenoccupiedbyagermanclerkinthecivilservice,andhisfamily.thisgermanwasmovingoutthen,andsothefourthflooronthisstaircasewouldbeuntenantedexceptbytheoldwoman.“that’sagoodthinganyway,”hethoughttohimself,asherangthebelloftheoldwoman’sflat.thebellgaveafainttinkleasthoughitweremadeoftinandnotofcopper.thelittleflatsinsuchhousesalwayshavebellsthatringlikethat.hehadforgottenthenoteofthatbell,andnowitspeculiartinkleseemedtoremindhimofsomethingandtobringitclearlybeforehim.…hestarted,hisnerveswereterriblyoverstrainedbynow.inalittlewhile,thedoorwasopenedatinycrack:theoldwomaneyedhervisitorwithevidentdistrustthroughthecrack,andnothingcouldbeseenbutherlittleeyes,glitteringinthedarkness.but,seeinganumberofpeopleonthelanding,shegrewbolder,andopenedthedoorwide.theyoungmansteppedintothedarkentry,whichwaspartitionedofffromthetinykitchen.theoldwomanstoodfacinghiminsilenceandlookinginquiringlyathim.shewasadiminutive,witheredupoldwomanofsixty,withsharpmalignanteyesandasharplittlenose.hercolourless,somewhatgrizzledhairwasthicklysmearedwithoil,andsheworenokerchiefoverit.roundherthinlongneck,whichlookedlikeahen’sleg,wasknottedsomesortofflannelrag,and,inspiteoftheheat,therehungflappingonhershoulders,amangyfurcape,yellowwithage.theoldwomancoughedandgroanedateveryinstant.theyoungmanmusthavelookedatherwitharatherpeculiarexpression,foragleamofmistrustcameintohereyesagain.

“raskolnikov,astudent,icamehereamonthago,”theyoungmanmadehastetomutter,withahalfbow,rememberingthatheoughttobemorepolite.

“iremember,mygoodsir,irememberquitewellyourcominghere,”theoldwomansaiddistinctly,stillkeepingherinquiringeyesonhisface.

“andhere…iamagainonthesameerrand,”raskolnikovcontinued,alittledisconcertedandsurprisedattheoldwoman’smistrust.“perhapssheisalwayslikethatthough,onlyididnotnoticeittheothertime,”hethoughtwithanuneasyfeeling.

theoldwomanpaused,asthoughhesitating;thensteppedononeside,andpointingtothedooroftheroom,shesaid,lettinghervisitorpassinfrontofher:

“stepin,mygoodsir.”

thelittleroomintowhichtheyoungmanwalked,withyellowpaperonthewalls,geraniumsandmuslincurtainsinthewindows,wasbrightlylightedupatthatmomentbythesettingsun.

“sothesunwillshinelikethisthentoo!”flashedasitwerebychancethroughraskolnikov’smind,andwitharapidglancehescannedeverythingintheroom,tryingasfaraspossibletonoticeandrememberitsarrangement.buttherewasnothingspecialintheroom.thefurniture,allveryoldandofyellowwood,consistedofasofawithahugebentwoodenback,anovaltableinfrontofthesofa,adressing-tablewithalooking-glassfixedonitbetweenthewindows,chairsalongthewallsandtwoorthreehalf-pennyprintsinyellowframes,representinggermandamselswithbirdsintheirhands—thatwasall.inthecorneralightwasburningbeforeasmallikon.everythingwasveryclean;thefloorandthefurniturewerebrightlypolished;everythingshone.

“lizaveta’swork,”thoughttheyoungman.therewasnotaspeckofdusttobeseeninthewholeflat.

“it’sinthehousesofspitefuloldwidowsthatonefindssuchcleanliness,”raskolnikovthoughtagain,andhestoleacuriousglanceatthecottoncurtainoverthedoorleadingintoanothertinyroom,inwhichstoodtheoldwoman’sbedandchestofdrawersandintowhichhehadneverlookedbefore.thesetworoomsmadeupthewholeflat.

“whatdoyouwant?”theoldwomansaidseverely,comingintotheroomand,asbefore,standinginfrontofhimsoastolookhimstraightintheface.

“i’vebroughtsomethingtopawnhere,”andhedrewoutofhispocketanold-fashionedflatsilverwatch,onthebackofwhichwasengravedaglobe;thechainwasofsteel.

“butthetimeisupforyourlastpledge.themonthwasupthedaybeforeyesterday.”