CHAPTER13

theywerewalkingthroughtheheatherofthemountainmeadowandrobertjordanfeltthebrushingoftheheatheragainsthislegs,felttheweightofhispistolinitsholsteragainsthisthigh,feltthesunonhishead,feltthebreezefromthesnowofthemountainpeakscoolonhisbackand,inhishand,hefeltthegirl’shandfirmandstrong,thefingerslockedinhis.fromit,fromthepalmofherhandagainstthepalmofhis,fromtheirfingerslockedtogether,andfromherwristacrosshiswristsomethingcamefromherhand,herfingersandherwristtohisthatwasasfreshasthefirstlightairthatmovingtowardyouovertheseabarelywrinklestheglassysurfaceofacalm,aslightasafeathermovedacrossone’slip,oraleaffallingwhenthereisnobreeze;solightthatitcouldbefeltwiththetouchoftheirfingersalone,butthatwassostrengthened,sointensified,andmadesourgent,soachingandsostrongbythehardpressureoftheirfingersandtheclosepressedpalmandwrist,thatitwasasthoughacurrentmoveduphisarmandfilledhiswholebodywithanachinghollownessofwanting.withthesunshiningonherhair,tawnyaswheat,andonhergold-brownsmooth-lovelyfaceandonthecurveofherthroathebentherheadbackandheldhertohimandkissedher.hefelthertremblingashekissedherandheheldthelengthofherbodytighttohimandfeltherbreastsagainsthischestthroughthetwokhakishirts,hefeltthemsmallandfirmandhereachedandundidthebuttonsonhershirtandbentandkissedherandshestoodshivering,holdingherheadback,hisarmbehindher.thenshedroppedherchintohisheadandthenhefeltherhandsholdinghisheadandrockingitagainsther.hestraightenedandwithhistwoarmsaroundherheldhersotightlythatshewasliftedofftheground,tightagainsthim,andhefelthertremblingandthenherlipswereonhisthroat,andthenheputherdownandsaid,“maria,oh,mymaria.”thenhesaid,“whereshouldwego?”

shedidnotsayanythingbutslippedherhandinsideofhisshirtandhefeltherundoingtheshirtbuttonsandshesaid,“you,too.iwanttokiss,too.”

“no,littlerabbit.”

“yes.yes.everythingasyou.”

“nay.thatisanimpossibility.”

“well,then.oh,then.oh,then.oh.”

thentherewasthesmellofheathercrushedandtheroughnessofthebentstalksunderherheadandthesunbrightonherclosedeyesandallhislifehewouldrememberthecurveofherthroatwithherheadpushedbackintotheheatherrootsandherlipsthatmovedsmallyandbythemselvesandtheflutteringofthelashesontheeyestightclosedagainstthesunandagainsteverything,andforhereverythingwasred,orange,gold-redfromthesunontheclosedeyes,anditallwasthatcolor,allofit,thefilling,thepossessing,thehaving,allofthatcolor,allinablindnessofthatcolor.forhimitwasadarkpassagewhichledtonowhere,thentonowhere,thenagaintonowhere,onceagaintonowhere,alwaysandforevertonowhere,heavyontheelbowsintheearthtonowhere,dark,neveranyendtonowhere,hungonalltimealwaystounknowingnowhere,thistimeandagainforalwaystonowhere,nownottobeborneonceagainalwaysandtonowhere,nowbeyondallbearingup,up,upandintonowhere,suddenly,scaldingly,holdinglyallnowheregoneandtimeabsolutelystillandtheywereboththere,timehavingstoppedandhefelttheearthmoveoutandawayfromunderthem.

thenhewaslyingonhisside,hisheaddeepintheheather,smellingitandthesmelloftherootsandtheearthandthesuncamethroughitanditwasscratchyonhisbareshouldersandalonghisflanksandthegirlwaslyingoppositehimwithhereyesstillshutandthensheopenedthemandsmiledathimandhesaidverytiredlyandfromagreatbutfriendlydistance,“hello,rabbit.”andshesmiledandfromnodistancesaid,“hello,myinglé.”

“i’mnotaninglé,”hesaidverylazily.

“ohyes,youare,”shesaid.“you’remyinglé,”andreachedandtookholdofbothhisearsandkissedhimontheforehead.

“there,”shesaid.“howisthat?doikisstheebetter?”

thentheywerewalkingalongthestreamtogetherandhesaid,“maria,ilovetheeandthouartsolovelyandsowonderfulandsobeautifulanditdoessuchthingstometobewiththeethatifeelasthoughiwantedtodiewheniamlovingthee.”

“oh,”shesaid.“idieeachtime.doyounotdie?”

“no.almost.butdidtheefeeltheearthmove?”é

“yes.asidied.putthyarmaroundme,please.”

“no.ihavethyhand.thyhandisenough.”

helookedatherandacrossthemeadowwhereahawkwashuntingandthebigafternooncloudswerecomingnowoverthemountains.

“anditisnotthusfortheewithothers?”mariaaskedhim,theynowwalkinghandinhand.

“no.truly.”

“thouhastlovedmanyothers.”

“some.butnotasthee.”

“anditwasnotthus?truly?”

“itwasapleasurebutitwasnotthus.”

“andthentheearthmoved.theearthnevermovedbefore?”

“nay.trulynever.”

“ay,”shesaid.“andthiswehaveforoneday.”

hesaidnothing.

“butwehavehaditnowatleast,”mariasaid.“anddoyoulikemetoo?doipleasethee?iwilllookbetterlater.”

“thouartverybeautifulnow.”

“nay,”shesaid.“butstrokethyhandacrossmyhead.”

hedidthatfeelinghercroppedhairsoftandflatteningandthenrisingbetweenhisfingersandheputbothhandsonherheadandturnedherfaceuptohisandkissedher.

“iliketokissverymuch,”shesaid.“butidonotdoitwell.”

“thouhastnoneedtokiss.”

“yes,ihave.ifiamtobethywomanishouldpleasetheeinallways.”

“youpleasemeenough.iwouldnotbemorepleased.thereisnothingicoulddoifiweremorepleased.”

“butyouwillsee,”shesaidveryhappily.“myhairamusestheenowbecauseitisodd.buteverydayitisgrowing.itwillbelongandtheniwillnotlookuglyandperhapsyouwilllovemeverymuch.”

“thouhastalovelybody,”hesaid.“theloveliestintheworld.”

“itisonlyyoungandthin.”

“no.inafinebodythereismagic.idonotknowwhatmakesitinoneandnotinanother.butthou

hastit.”

“forthee,”shesaid.

“nay.”

“yes.fortheeandfortheealwaysandonlyforthee.butitislittletobringthee.iwouldlearntotakegoodcareofthee.buttellmetruly.didtheearthnevermovefortheebefore?”

“never,”hesaidtruly.

“nowamihappy,”shesaid.“nowamitrulyhappy.

“youarethinkingofsomethingelsenow?”sheaskedhim.

“yes.mywork.”

“iwishwehadhorsestoride,”mariasaid.“inmyhappinessiwouldliketobeonagoodhorseandridefastwiththeeridingfastbesidemeandwewouldridefasterandfaster,galloping,andneverpassmyhappiness.”

“wecouldtakethyhappinessinaplane,”hesaidabsently.

“andgooverandoverintheskylikethelittlepursuitplanesshininginthesun,”shesaid.“rollingitinloopsandindives.québueno!”shelaughed.“myhappinesswouldnotevennoticeit.”