第647章

第647章thefeelingofaloofnessfromalltheworld,thatnatashaexperiencedatthistime,shefeltinanevenmoremarkeddegreewiththemembersofherownfamily.allherownfamily,herfatherandmotherandsonya,weresonearher,soeverydayandordinarythateverywordtheyuttered,everyfeelingtheyexpressed,wasjarringintheworldinwhichshehadlivedoflate.shefeltmorethanindifference,positivehostilitytothem.shehearddunyasha’swordsofpyotrilyitch,ofamisfortune,butshedidnotunderstandthem.

“whatmisfortunecouldtheyhave,whatmisfortuneispossibletothem？everythinggoesoninitsold,regular,easywaywiththem,”natashawassayinginwardly.

asshewentintothedrawing-room,herfathercamequicklyoutofthecountess’sroom.hisfacewaspuckeredupandwetwithtears.hehadevidentlyrunoutoftheroomtogiveventtothesobsthatwerechokinghim.seeingnatasha,hewavedhisarmsindespair,andwentoffintoviolent,miserablesobs,thatconvulsedhissoft,roundface.

“pet…petya…go,goin,she’scalling…”andsobbinglikeachild,hetotteredwithfeeblelegstoachair,andalmostdroppedontoit,hidinghisfaceinhishands.

anelectricshockseemedtorunallthroughnatasha.somefearfulpainseemedtostabhertotheheart.shefeltapoignantanguish;itseemedtoherthatsomethingwasbeingrentwithinher,andshewasdying.butwiththepainshefeltaninstantreleasefromthesealthatshutheroutoflife.atthesightofherfather,andthesoundofafearful,huskyscreamfromhermotherthroughthedoor,sheinstantlyforgotherselfandherownsorrow.

sheranuptoherfather,buthefeeblymotionedhertowardshermother’sdoor.princessmarya,withawhitefaceandquiveringlowerjaw,cameoutandtooknatasha’shand,sayingsomethingtoher.natashaneithersawnorheardher.withswiftstepsshewenttowardsthedoor,stoppedforaninstantasthoughlingwithherself,andranintohermother.

thecountesswaslyingdownonalowchairinastrangeawkwardattitude;shewasbeatingherheadagainstthewall.sonyaandsomemaid-servantswereholdingherbythearms.

“natasha,natasha！…”thecountesswasscreaming.“it’snottrue,nottrue…it’sfalse…natasha！”shescreamed,pushingthemaidsaway.“allyougoaway,it’snottrue！killed！…ha,ha,ha！…nottrue！…”

natashakneltdownonthelowchair,bentoverhermother,embracedher,withsurprisingstrengthliftedherup,turnedherfacetoher,andpressedclosetoher.

“mama！…darling！…i’mhere,dearestmamma,”shewhisperedtoher,neverceasingforasecond.

shewouldnotlethermothergo;sheledtenderlywithher,askedforpillowsandwater,unbuttonedandtoreopenhermother’sdress.“dearest…mydarling…mamma…myprecious,”shewhisperedwithoutpausing,kissingherhead,herhands,herface,andfeelingthetearsstreaminginirrepressiblefloodsoverhernoseandcheeks.

thecountesssqueezedherdaughter’shand,closedhereyes,andwasquieterforamoment.allatonceshesatupwithunnaturalswiftness,lookedvacantlyround,andseeingnatasha,beganingherheadtoherwithallhermight.natasha’sfaceinvoluntarilyworkedwiththepain,ashermotherturnedittowardher,andgazedalongwhileintoit.“natasha,youloveme,”shesaid,inasoft,confidingwhisper.“natasha,youwon’tdeceiveme？youwilltellmethewholetruth？”

natashalookedatherwitheyesswimmingwithtears,andinherfaceseemedonlyimploringherloveandforgiveness.

“mamma…darling,”shekeptrepeating,puttingforthallthestrengthofherlovetotrysomehowtotakealittleofthecrushingloadofsorrowoffhermotherontoherself.

andagaininthehelplesslewithreality,themother,refusingtobelievethatshecouldlivewhileheradoredboy,justblossomingintolife,wasdead,tookrefugefromrealityintheworldofdelirium.

natashahadnorecollectionofhowshespentthatdayandthatnight,andthefollowingdayandthefollowingnight.shedidnotsleep,anddidnotleavehermother’sside.natasha’slove,patientandpersistent,seemedtoenfoldthecountessonallsideseverysecond,offeringnoexplanation,noconsolation,simplybeckoningherbacktolife.

onthethirdnightthecountesswasquietforafewminutes,andnatashaclosedhereyes,herheadproppedonthearmofthechair.thebedsteadcreaked;natashaopenedhereyes.thecountesswassittingupinbed,andtalkingsoftly.

“howgladiamyouhavecomehome.youaretired,won’tyouhavetea？”natashawentuptoher.“youhavegrownsohandsomeandmanly,”thecountesswenton,takingherdaughter’shand.

“mamma,whatareyousaying…？”

“natasha,heisgone,heisnomore.”andembracingherdaughter,thecountessforthefirsttimebegantoweep.