第584章

第584章hepressedherhandandletitgo,andshemovedbacktothecandleandsatdowninthesamepositionasbefore.twicesheglancedroundathim;hiseyeswerebrightasshemetthem.shesetherselfataskonherstocking,andtoldherselfshewouldnotlookroundtillshehadfinishedit.

hedid,infact,soonaftershuthiseyesandfallasleep.hedidnotsleeplong,andwokeupsuddenlyinacoldsweatofalarm.

ashefellasleephewasstillthinkingofwhathehadbeenthinkingaboutallthetime—oflifeandofdeath.andmostofdeath.hefelthewasclosertoit.

“love？whatislove？”hethought.

“lovehindersdeath.loveislife.all,allthatiunderstand,iunderstandonlybecauseilove.allis,allexistsonlybecauseilove.allisboundupinlovealone.loveisgod,anddyingmeansformeaparticleoflove,togobacktotheuniversalandeternalsourceoflove.”thesethoughtsseemedtohimcomforting.buttheywereonlythoughts.somethingwaswantinginthem;therewassomethingone-sidedandpersonal,somethingintellectual;theywerenotself-evident.andtherewasuneasiness,too,andobscurity.hefellasleep.

hedreamedthathewaslyingintheveryroominwhichhewaslyinginreality,butthathewasnotill,butquitewell.manypeopleofvarioussorts,indifferentpeopleofnoimportance,werepresent.hewastalkinganddisputingwiththemaboutsometrivialmatter.theyseemedtobepreparingtosetoffsomewhere.princeandreyhadadimfeelingthatallthiswasofnoconsequence,andthathehadothermattersofgravermomenttothinkof,butstillhewentonutteringemptywitticismsofsomesortthatsurprisedthem.bydegreesallthesepeoplebegantodisappear,andtheonethingleftwasthequestionofclosingthedoor.hegotupandwenttowardsthedoortocloseitandboltit.everythingdependedonwhetherhewereintimetoshutitornot.hewasgoing,hewashurrying,buthislegswouldnotmove,andheknewthathewouldnothavetimetoshutthedoor,butstillhewaspainfullystrainingeveryefforttodoso.andanagonisingterrorcameuponhim.andthatterrorwasthefearofdeath;behindthedoorstoodit.butwhileheishelplesslyandclumsilylingtowardsthedoor,thatsomethingawfulisalreadypressingagainsttheothersideofit,andforcingthedooropen.somethingnothuman—death—isforcingthedooropen,andhemustholditto.heclutchesatthedoorwithalaststrainingeffort—toshutitisimpossible,atleasttoholdit—buthiseffortsarefeebleandawkward;and,underthepressureofthatawfulthing,thedooropensandshutsagain.

oncemoreitwaspressingonthedoorfromwithout.hislast,supernaturaleffortsarevain,andbothleavesofthedoorarenoiselesslyopened.itcomesin,anditisdeath.andprinceandreydied.

butattheinstantwheninhisdreamhedied,princeandreyrecollectedthathewasasleep;andattheinstantwhenhewasdying,hemadeaneffortandwakedup.