第581章

第581章whennatashaopenedthedoorwithherpractisedhands,lettingherpassinbeforeher,princessmaryafeltthesobsrisinginherthroat.howevermuchshepreparedherself,howevermuchshetriedtocomposeherself,sheknewthatshewouldnotbeabletoseehimwithouttears：

sheunderstoodwhatnatashahadmeantbythewords：twodaysagothischangecame.sheinterpreteditasmeaningthathehadsuddenlygrownsofter,andthatthatsoftening,thattenderness,wasthesignofdeath.assheapproachedthedoor,shesawalreadyinherimaginationthatfaceofthelittleandryusha,asshehadknownitinchildhood,tender,gentle,softened,asitwassorarely,andasitaffectedhersostrongly.shefeltsurehewouldsaysoft,tenderwordstoherlikethoseherfatherhadutteredonhisdeathbed,andthatshewouldnotbeabletobearit,andwouldbreakintosobsatthem.butsoonerorlater,itmustbe,andshewentintotheroom.hersobsseemedrisinghigherandhigherinherthroataswithhershort-sightedeyesshedistinguishedhisfiguremoreandmoreclearly,andnowshesawhisfaceandmethiseyes.

hewaslyingonacouch,proppedupwithcushions,inasquirrel-lineddressing-gown.hewasthinandpale.onethin,transparentlywhitehandheldahandkerchief,withtheotherhewassoftlyfingeringthedelicatemoustachethathadgrownlong.hiseyesgazedatthemastheycamein.

onseeinghisfaceandmeetinghiseyes,princessmaryaatonceslackenedtherapidityofherstepandfeltthetearsdriedupandthesobschecked.asshecaughttheexpressionofhisfaceandeyes,shefeltsuddenlyshyandguilty.

“buthowamiinfault？”sheaskedherself.“inbeingaliveandthinkingofthelivingwhilei！…”hiscold,sterneyesseemedtoanswer.

intheprofound,notoutward-butinward-lookinggazetherewassomethingalmostlikehostilityashedeliberatelyscannedhissisterandnatasha.hekissedhissister’shand,whileshekissedhis,astheirhabitwas.

“howareyou,marie;howdidyoumanagetogethere？”hesaid,inavoiceasevenandasaloofasthelookinhiseyes.ifhehadutteredashriekofdespair,thatshriekwouldhavebeentoprincessmaryalessawfulthanthesoundofhisvoice.

“andyouhavebroughtnikolushka？”hesaid,asevenlyanddeliberately,withanevidentefforttorecollectthings.

“howareyounow？”saidprincessmarya,wonderingherselfatwhatshewassaying.

“that,mydear,youmustaskthedoctor,”hesaid,andevidentlymakinganotherefforttobeaffectionate,hesaidwithhislipsonly（itwasobvioushewasnotthinkingofwhathewassaying）：

“thankyou,mydear,forcoming.”

princessmaryapressedhishand.hegaveahardlyperceptiblefrownatthepressureofherhand.shewassilent,andshedidnotknowwhattosay.sheunderstoodthechangethathadcomeoverhimtwodaysago.inhiswords,inhistone,aboveallinhiseyes—thosecold,almostantagonisticeyes—couldbefeltthataloofnessfromallthingsearthlythatissofearfultoalivingman.itwasevidentlywithdifficultythatheunderstoodanythingliving;butyetitseemedthathedidnotunderstandwhatwasliving,notbecausehehadlostthepowerofunderstanding,butbecauseheunderstoodsomethingelsethatthelivingdidnotandcouldnotunderstand,andthatentirelyabsorbedhim.

“yes,seehowstrangelyfatehasbroughtustogetheragain,”hesaid,breakingthesilence,andpointingtonatasha.“sheisnursingme.”

princessmaryaheardhim,andcouldnotunderstandwhathewassaying.he,princeandrey,withhisdelicate,tenderintuition,howcouldhesaythatbeforethegirlwhomheloved,andwholovedhim！ifhehadanythoughtofliving,hecouldnothavesaidthatinthatslightinglycoldtone.ifhehadnotknownhewasgoingtodie,howcouldhehavefailedtofeelforher,howcouldhespeaklikethatbeforeher！therecouldbebutoneexplanationofit—thatwas,thatitwasallofnomomenttohimnow,andofnomomentbecausesomethingelse,moreimportant,hadbeenrevealedtohim.

theconversationwasfrigidanddisconnected,andbrokeoffateverymoment.

“mariecamebyryazan,”saidnatasha.