第501章

第501章pierrehadhardlyputhisheadonthepillowwhenhefeltthathewasdroppingasleep.butallofasuddenheheard,almostwiththedistinctnessofreality,thesoundoftheboom,boom,boomofthecannon,thegroansandshrieksanddullthudofthefallingshell,smeltthebloodandpowder;andthefeelingofhorror,ofthedreadofdeathcameoverhim.heopenedhiseyesinapanic,andputhisheadoutfromthecloak.allwasquietintheyard.theonlysoundcamefromaservantofsomesorttalkingwiththeporteratthegate,andsplashingthroughthemud.overpierre’shead,underthedark,woodeneaves,heheardpigeonsfluttering,startledbythemovementhehadmadeinsittingup.thewholeyardwaspervadedbythestrongsmellofatavern—fullofpeacefulestionandsoothingrelieftopierre—thesmellofhay,ofdung,andoftar.betweentwodarkshedshecaughtaglimpseofthepure,starlitsky.

“thankgod,thatisallover！”thoughtpierre,coveringhisheadupagain.“oh,howawfulterroris,andhowshamefullyigavewaytoit！butthey…theywerefirmandcalmallthewhileuptotheend…”hethought.they,inpierre’smind,meantthesoldiers,thosewhohadbeenonthebattery,andthosewhohadgivenhimfood,andthosewhohadprayedtotheholypicture.they—thosestrangepeople,ofwhomhehadknownnothinghitherto—theystoodoutclearlyandsharplyinhismindapartfromallotherpeople.

“tobeasoldier,simplyasoldier！”thoughtpierreashefellasleep.“toenterwithone’swholenatureintothatcommonlife,tobefilledwithwhatmakesthemwhattheyare.buthowisonetocastoffallthatissuperfluous,devilishinone’sself,alltheburdenoftheouterman？atonetimeimighthavebeenthesame.imighthaverunawayfrommyfatherasiwantedto.aftertheduelwithdolohovtooimighthavebeensentforasoldier.”

andintopierre’simaginationflashedapictureofthedinnerattheclub,atwhichhehadchallengeddolohov,thentheimageofhisbenefactorattorzhok.andthererosebeforehismindasolemnmeetingofthelodge.itwastakingplaceattheenglishclub.andsomeoneheknew,someonenearanddeartohim,wassittingattheendofthetable.“why,itishe！itismybenefactor.butsurelyhedied？”thoughtpierre.“yes,hediddie,butididn’tknowhewasalive.andhowsorryiwaswhenhedied,andhowgladiamheisaliveagain！”ononesideofthetableweresittinganatole,dolohov,nesvitsky,denisov,andotherslikethem（inpierre’sdreamthesepeopleformedasdistinctaclassapartasthoseothermenwhomhehadcalledthemtohimself）,andthosepeople,anatoleanddolohov,wereloudlyshoutingandsinging.butthroughtheirclamourthevoiceofhisbenefactorcouldbeheardspeakingallthewhile,andthesoundofhisvoicewasasweightyandasuninterruptedasthedinofthebattlefield,butitwaspleasantandcomforting.pierredidnotunderstandwhathisbenefactorwassaying,butheknew（thecategoryofhisideas,too,wasdistinctinhisdream）thathewastalkingofgoodness,ofthepossibilityofbeinglikethem.andtheywiththeirsimple,good,pluckyfacesweresurroundinghisbenefactoronallsides.butthoughtheywerekindly,theydidnotlookatpierre;theydidnotknowhim.pierrewantedtoattracttheirnotice,andtospeaktothem.hegotup,butatthesameinstantbecameawarethathislegswerebareandchill.