第284章

第284章hereturnedhomewithhishorseinalather,andtoldlavrushka—hehadkeptondenisov’soldvalet—andthecomradeswhodroppedinthatevening,thathehadappliedforleaveandwasgoinghome.itwasstrangeanddifficultforhimtobelievethathewasgoingawaywithouthearingfromthestaffwhetherhehadbeenpromotedtobeacaptainorhadreceivedthest.anneforthelastman？uvres（amatterofthegreatestinteresttohim）.itwasstrangetohimtothinkofgoingawaylikethiswithouthavingsoldcountgoluhovskyhisthreeroanhorses,overwhichthepolishcountwaslingwithhim.rostovhadtakenabetthathewouldgettwothousandforthem.itseemedinconceivablethatwithouthimtheballcouldtakeplacewhichthehussarsweretogiveinhonouroftheirfavouritepolishbelle,madamepshazdetsky,tooutdotheuhlans,whohadgivenaballtotheirfavouritebelle,madameborzhozovsky.yetheknewhemustleaveworld,whereallwaswellandallwasclear,togowhereallwasnonsensicalandcomplicated.aweeklaterhisleavecame.hiscomrades—notonlyintheregiment,butthroughoutthewholebrigade—gaverostovadinnerthatcostasubscriptionoffifteenroublesahead.twobandsofmusiciansplayed,twochorusessang;rostovdancedthetrepakwithmajorbazov;thedrunkenofficerstossedhimintheair,edhim,droppedhim;thesoldiersofthethirdsquadrontossedhimoncemoreandshoutedhurrah！thentheyputrostovinasledgeandescortedhimasfarasthefirstposting-stationonhisway.

forthefirsthalfofthejourney,fromkrementchugtokiev,allrostov’sthoughts—asisapttobethecasewithtravellers—turnedtowhathehadleftbehind—tohissquadron.butafterbeingjoltedoverthefirsthalfofthejourney,hehadbeguntoforgethisthreeroansandhisquartermaster,dozhoyveyky,andwasbeginningtowonderuneasilywhatheshouldfindonreachingotradnoe.thenearerhegot,themoreintense,farmoreintense,werehisthoughtsofhome（asthoughmoralfeelingweresubjecttothelawofaccelerationininverseratiowiththesquareofthedistance）.atthestationnearesttootradnoehegavethesledge-driveratipofthreeroubles,andranbreathlessupthestepsofhishome,likeaboy.

aftertheexcitementofthefirstmeeting,andthestrangefeelingofdisappointmentafterhisexpectations—thefeelingthat“it’sjustthesame;whywasiinsuchahurry？”—nikolaybegantosettledowninhisoldworldofhome.hisfatherandmotherwerejustthesame,onlyalittleolder.allthatwasnewinthemwasacertainuneasinessandattimesadifferenceofopinion,whichhehadneverseenbetweenthembefore,andsoonlearnedtobeduetothedifficultiesoftheirposition.

sonyawasnownearlytwenty.shewouldgrownoprettiernow;therewasnopromiseinherofmoretocome;butwhatshehadwasenough.shewasbrimmingoverwithloveandhappinessassoonasnikolaycamehome,andthisgirl’sfaithful,steadfastloveforhimgladdenedhisheart.petyaandnatashasurprisednikolaymorethanalltherest.petyawasabig,handsomeladofthirteen,whosevoicewasalreadycracking;hewasfullofgaietyandcleverpranks.nikolaydidnotgetoverhiswonderatnatashaforalongwhile,andlaughedashelookedather.

“you’reutterlydifferent,”hetoldher.

“how？uglier？”

“no,quitethecontrary;butwhatdignity！arealprincess！”hewhisperedtoher.

“yes,yes,yes,”criednatashagleefully.

natashatoldhimallthestoryofprinceandrey’slovemaking,ofhisvisittootradnoe,andshowedhimhislastletter.

“well,areyouglad？”askednatasha.“i’msoatpeaceandhappynow.”

“veryglad,”answerednikolay.“he’sasplendidfellow.areyouverymuchinlove,then？”

“howshallisay？”answerednatasha.“iwasinlovewithboris,withourteacher,withdenisov;butthisisutterlydifferent.ifeelcalm,settled.iknowthereisnoonebetterthanheintheworld,andsoiamcalmnowandcontent.it’sutterlydifferentfromanythingbefore…”

nikolayexpressedhisdissatisfactionatthemarriagebeingputoffforayear.butnatashafellonhimwithexasperation,provingtohimthatnoothercoursewaspossible,thatitwouldbeahorridthingtoenterafamilyagainstthefather’swill,andthatshewouldnotconsenttoitherself.

“youdon’tunderstandatall,atall,”shekeptsaying.

nikolaypausedamoment,andthensaidheagreedwithher.

herbrotheroftenwonderedashelookedather.itseemedquiteincrediblethatshewasagirlinloveandpartedfromherbetrothedlover.shewaseven-tempered,serene,andquiteaslight-heartedasever.thismadenikolaywonder,andlookontheengagementtobolkonskyrathersceptically.hecouldnotbelievethatherfatewasbynowsealed,especiallyashehadneverseenherwithprinceandrey.itstillseemedtohimthattherewassomethingnotrealinthisproposedmarriage.

“whythisdelay？whyweretheynotformallybetrothed？”hethought.

onceintalkingtohismotherabouthissister,hefoundtohissurprise,andpartlytohissatisfaction,thatatthebottomofherhearthismothersometimesregardedthemarriageasscepticallyashedid.

“here,yousee,hewrites,”shesaid,showinghersonaletterfromprinceandreywiththatlatentfeelingofgrudgewhichmothersalwayshaveinregardtotheirdaughter’shappinessinmarriage,“hewritesthathewon’tbecomingbeforedecember.whatcanitbethatkeepshim？illness,nodoubt！hishealthisveryweak.don’ttellnatasha.don’tmakeamistake,becausesheseemsingoodspirits;it’sthelastshehasofhergirlhood,andiknowhowsheiswhenshegetshisletters.still,godgrant,allmaybewellyet,”shealwaysconcluded：“he’sasplendidfellow.”