第283章

第283章thebiblicaltraditiontellsusthattheabsenceofwork—idleness—wasaconditionofthefirstman’sblessednessbeforethefall.theloveofidlenesshasremainedthesameinfallenman；butthecursestillliesheavyuponman，andnotonlybecauseinthesweatofourbrowwemusteatbread，butbecausefromourmoralqualitiesweareunabletobeidleandatpeace.asecretvoicetellsusthatwemustbetoblameforbeingidle.ifamancouldfindastateinwhichwhilebeingidlehecouldfeelhimselftobeofuseandtobedoinghisduty，hewouldhaveattainedtoonesideofprimitiveblessedness.andsuchastateofobligatoryandirreproachableidlenessisenjoyedbyawholeclass—themilitaryclass.itisinthatobligatoryandirreproachableidlenessthatthechiefattractionofmilitaryservicehasalwaysconsisted，andwillalwaysconsist.

nikolayrostovwasenjoyingthisblessedprivilegetothefull，asaftertheyear1807heremainedinthepavlogradregiment，incommandofthesquadronthathadbeendenisov’s.

rostovhadbecomeabluff，good-naturedfellow，whowouldhavebeenthoughtratherbadformbyhisoldacquaintancesinmoscow，thoughhewaslovedandrespectedbyhiscomrades，hissubordinates，andhissuperiorofficers，andwaswellcontentwithhislife.oflate—intheyear1809—hehadfoundmoreandmorefrequentlyinlettersfromhomecomplaintsonthepartofhismotherthattheirpecuniarypositionwasgoingfrombadtoworse，andthatitwashightimeforhimtocomehome，togladdenandcomforttheheartsofhisoldparents.

ashereadthoseletters，nikolayfeltapangofdreadattheirwantingtodraghimoutofthesurroundingsinwhich，byfencinghimselfofffromallthecomplexitiesofexistence，hewaslivingsoquietlyandpeacefully.hefeltthatsoonerorlaterhewouldhavetoplungeagainintothatwhirlpooloflife，withmanydifficultiesandbusinesstoattendto，withthesteward’saccounts，withquarrelsandintrigues，andties，withsociety，withsonya’sloveandhispromisetoher.allthatwasterriblydifficultandcomplicated；andheansweredhismother’sletterswithcoldlettersinfrenchontheclassicmodel，beginning“machèremaman，”andending：“votreobéissantfils，”sayingnothingofanyintentionofcominghome.in1810hereceivedlettersfromhomeinwhichhewastoldofnatasha’sengagementtobolkonsky，andofthemarriagebeingdeferredforayear，becausetheoldprincewouldnotconsenttoit.thisletterchagrinedandmortifiednikolay.inthefirstplace，hewassorrytobelosingfromhomenatasha，whomhecaredmoreforthanalltherestofthefamily.secondly，fromhishussarpointofview，heregrettednothavingbeenathomeatthetime，ashewouldhaveshownthisbolkonskythatitwasbynomeanssuchanhonourtobeconnectedwithhim，andthatifhecaredfornatashahecouldgetonjustaswellwithouthiscrazyoldfather’sconsent.foramomenthehesitatedwhethertoaskforleave，soastoseenatashaengaged，butthentheman？uvreswerejustcomingon，andthoughtsofsonya，ofcomplications，recurredtohim，andagainheputitoff.butinthespringofthesameyearhegotaletterfromhismother，writtenwithouthisfather’sknowledge，andthatletterdecidedhim.shewrotethatifnikolaydidnotcomeandlookafterthings，theirwholeestatewouldhavetobesoldbyauction，andtheywouldallbears.thecountwassoweak，putsuchentireconfidenceinmitenka，andwassogood-natured，andeveryonetookadvantageofhim，sothatthingsweregoingfrombadtoworse.“ibeseechyou，forgod’ssake，tocomeatonce，ifyoudon’twanttomakemeandallyourfamilymiserable，”wrotethecountess.

thatletterproducedaneffectonnikolay.hehadthatcommonsenseofmediocritywhichshowedhimwhatwashisduty.

hisdutynowwas，ifnottoretirefromthearmy，atleasttogohomeonleave.whyhehadtogo，hecouldnothavesaid；but，afterhisafter-dinnernap，heorderedhisgreymaretobesaddled，aterriblyviciousbeastthathehadnotriddenforalongwhile.