第273章

第273章pierrehadbeenfeelingoneofhisattacksofnervousdepressioncominguponhimeversincethedayoftheballandhadbeenmakingdesperateeffortstoleagainstit.sincehiswife’sintriguewiththeroyalprince，pierrehadbeentohissurpriseappointedakammerherr，andeversincehehadfeltasenseofwearinessandshameincourtsociety，andhisoldideasofthevanityofallthingshumanbegantocomebackoftenerandoftener.thefeelinghehadlatelynoticedbetweenhisprotégéenatashaandprinceandreyhadaggravatedhisgloombythecontrastbetweenhisownpositionandhisfriend’s.hetriedequallytoavoidthinkingofhiswifeandalsoofnatashaandprinceandrey.againeverythingseemedtohiminsignificantincomparisonwitheternity；againthequestionrosebeforehim：“whatfor？”andfordaysandnightstogetherheforcedhimselftoworkatmasoniclabours，hopingtokeepofftheevilspirit.pierrehadcomeoutofthecountess’sapartmentsatmidnight，andwassittinginashabbydressing-gownatthetableinhisownlow-pitched，smoke-blackenedroomupstairs，copyingoutlongtransactionsofthescottishfreemasons，whensomeonecameintohisroom.itwasprinceandrey.

“oh，it’syou，”saidpierre，withaupiedanddissatisfiedair.“i’matwork，yousee，”headded，pointingtothemanuscriptbookwiththatlookofescapingfromtheillsoflifewithwhichunhappypeoplelookattheirwork.

princeandreystoodbeforepierrewitharadiant，ecstaticface，fullofnewlife，andwiththeegoismofhappinesssmiledathimwithoutnoticinghisgloomyface.

“well，mydearboy，”hesaid，“iwantedtotellyouyesterday，andihavecometodosoto-day.ihaveneverfeltanythinglikeit.iaminlove.”

pierresuddenlyheavedaheavysigh，anddumpeddownhisheavypersononthesofabesideprinceandrey.

“withnatasharostov，yes？”hesaid“yes，yes，whoelsecoulditbe？iwouldneverhavebelievedit，butthefeelingistoostrongforme.yesterdayiwasintorment，inagony，butiwouldnotexchangethatagonyevenforanythingintheworld.ihaveneverlivedtillnow，buticannotlivewithouther.butcansheloveme？…i’mtoooldforher.…whydon’tyouspeak？…”

“i？i？whatdiditellyou？”saidpierre，suddenlygettingupandwalkingabouttheroom.“ialwaysthoughtso.…thatgirlisatreasure.…she’saveryraresortofgirl.…mydearfellow，don’t，ientreatyou，betoowise，don’tdoubt，marry，marry，marry！…andiamsurenomanwaseverhappierthanyouwillbe.”

“butshe？”

“shelovesyou.”

“don’ttalknonsense…”saidprinceandrey，smilingandlookingintopierre’sface.

“shelovesyou，iknowit，”pierrecriedangrily.

“no；dolisten，”saidprinceandrey，takingholdofhimbythearmandstoppinghim.“doyouknowthestateiamin？imusttalkaboutittosomeone.”

“well，well，talkaway，i’mveryglad，”saidpierre，andhisfacedidreallychange，thelineofcareinhisbrowwassmoothedaway，andhelistenedgladlytoprinceandrey.hisfriendseemed，andwasindeed，anutterlydifferent，newman.whathadbecomeofhisennui，hiscontemptoflife，hisdisillusionment？pierrewastheonlypersontowhomhecouldhavebroughthimselftospeakquiteopenly；buttohimhedidrevealallthatwasinhisheart.readilyandboldlyhemadeplansreachingfarintothefuture；saidhecouldnotsacrificehisownhappinesstothecapricesofhisfather；declaredthathewouldforcehisfathertoagreetothemarriageandlikeher，ordispensewithhisconsentaltogether；thenhemarvelledatthefeelingwhichhadtakenpossessionofhim，assomethingstrange，andapart，independentofhimself.

“ishouldneverhavebelievedit，ifanyonehadtoldmeicouldlovelikethis，”saidprinceandrey.“itisutterlydifferentfromthefeelingioncehad.thewholeworldissplitintotwohalvesforme：one—she，andthereallishappiness，hope，andlight；theotherhalf—allwheresheisnot，thereallisdejectionanddarkness.…”

“darknessandgloom，”repeatedpierre；“yes，yes，iunderstandthat.”

“ican’thelplovingthelight；that’snotmyfault；andiamveryhappy.doyouunderstandme？iknowyouaregladforme.”

“yes，yes，”pierreassented，lookingathisfriendwitheyesfulloftendernessandsadness.thebrighterthepictureofprinceandrey’sfatebeforehismind，thedarkerseemedhisown.