第12章TheWomanintheMirror(1)

第12章thewomaninthemirror(1)

·francis·

wheniwas11，ifoundoutihadabraintumor.ihadsurgerytoremoveit，butthesizeandlocationofthetumorcausedmyopticnervetoatrophy.forthreeyearsafterward，ihadpartialsight，butmyophthalmologisttoldmethateventuallyiwouldgoblind.attheendofmy14thyear，doctorspronouncedmelegallyblindandsaidtherewasnothingthatcouldbedone.ihada5percentchanceofsurvivingthetumor，andidid，butsomehowicouldneverdealwiththefactthatiwasgoingblind.itriedtobehaveasifeverythingwerejustfine.whenithappened，iwasdevastated.

mydadleftuswheniwas15，anditookthatreallyhard.becauseofthat，andbecauseiwasblindontopofit，mygreatestfearwasthatnoonewasevergoingtoloveme，thatiwouldnevergetmarriedandhavekidsandafulllife.iwasafraidofbeingalone，andiguessthatiswhatithoughtblindnessmeant.

tenyearslater，onnov.16oflastyear，iwascookingdinnerandleanedovertokissmyguidedog，ami.ilostmybalanceandhitmyheadonthecornerofmycoffeetableandthenonthefloor.itwasn’tunusual.whenyouareblind，youhityourselfallthetime.igotup，finishedmakingdinnerandwenttobed.

wheniwokeup，icouldsee.lightwascomingthroughmywindow，andthecurtainsweredrawn.ofcourse，iwasshocked，butnotscared，notlikewhenilostmysight.thereisabigmirrorinmybedroom，butididn’tlookatmyselfrightaway.iwantedtowashmyhairandputonmake-upfirst.idonotlookgoodinthemorning，andididn’twanttobefrightened.asiwasshowering，icaughtmyreflection.andthatjustthatleftmespeechless，really.

thelasttimeisawmyself，ihadshorthair，apalecomplexionandfeaturesthatdidn’tshowbecauseihadsuchlighteyebrowsandeyelashesilookedawful，likeateenagegirl，isupposenow，allofasudden，irealizedthatitwastruewhatpeopletoldme，thatiwasanattractivewoman.whenistoodinfrontofthemirror，ireachedtotouchmyface.thatiswhatihadbeendoingfor10years—itwashowiunderstood—soitwasanaturalimpulse.itwasnotuntilisawmyselfthatirealizedhowmuchmymemoryhadfadedofthingsioncecouldsee.itwasaboutfourhoursbeforeitoldanyone.istayedwithami.welookedateachotherandplayedoutsideintheyard.ijustwantedtobealone，andtakeitin.itwassomuch.

thestrangethingwasthatiknewitwasgoingtohappen. aboutaweekbefore，iwaswalkingamiandsuddenlysawbluedotsinfrontofmylefteye，theoneiwouldregainmysightin.itoldmymumbecauseifounditfunny；bluehadbeenmyfavoritecolorandwastheeasiestcolorformetoseewhenihadpartialsight.itookitasasign.

peopledon’ttreatmedifferentlynow.iwasalwayscompletelyindependent.ilivedinauckland，newzealand，inmyownflatwithmydog.iwouldhavepartiesandgoclubbing:iwouldlistentothebeatofthemusicandgowithitandhopeforthebest.whenyourfriendsgrabyouandpointyouintheotherdirectionbecausetheyareactuallyoverthere，thatiswhenyourememberyou’reblind.

ialsolovedmovies.goingtothemoviesblindwaslikesomeonetellingyouareallygoodstorywithgreatsoundeffects，andyoumakeupalltheimagesinyourhead.ihaven’tbeenbacksinceiregainedmysight.buti’vebeenabletoseemyfavoritesoap，shortlandstreet.andmyfriendstookoutmagazinesandpointedoutpamelaleeandersonandbradpitt.theestsurprisewasbradpitt.ijustthought，whatiseveryonegoingonabout?thebestwasseeingmyboyfriend.herodetheferryover，andiknewhimthemomentisawhim.hewasassexyasihadimagined.