第7章

第7章thenextthingirememberis,wakingupwithafeelingasifihadhadafrightfulnightmare,andseeingbeforemeaterribleredglare,crossedwiththickblackbars.iheardvoices,too,speakingwithahollowsound,andasifmuffledbyarushofwindorwater:agitation,uncertainty,andanall-predominatingsenseofterrorconfusedmyfaculties.erelong,ibecameawarethatsomeonewashandlingme;liftingmeupandsupportingmeinasittingposture,andthatmoretenderlythanihadeverbeenraisedorupheldbefore.irestedmyheadagainstapilloworanarm,andfelteasy.

infiveminutesmorethecloudofbewildermentdissolved:iknewquitewellthatiwasinmyownbed,andthattheredglarewasthenurseryfire.itwasnight:acandleburntonthetable;bessiestoodatthebed-footwithabasininherhand,andagentlemansatinachairnearmypillow,leaningoverme.

ifeltaninexpressiblerelief,asoothingconvictionofprotectionandsecurity,wheniknewthattherewasastrangerintheroom,anindividualnotbelongingtogateshead.,andnotrelatedtomrs.reed.turningfrombessie(thoughherpresencewasfarlessobnoxioustomethanthatofabbot,forinstance,wouldhavebeen),iscrutinisedthefaceofthegentleman:iknewhim;itwasmr.lloyd,anapothecary,sometimescalledinbymrs.reedwhentheservantswereailing:forherselfandthechildrensheemployedaphysician.

“well,whoami?”heasked.

ipronouncedhisname,offeringhimatthesametimemyhand:hetookit,smilingandsaying,“weshalldoverywellby-and-by.”thenhelaidmedown,andaddressingbessie,chargedhertobeverycarefulthatiwasnotdisturbedduringthenight.havinggivensomefurtherdirections,andintimatesthatheshouldcallagainthenextday,hedeparted;tomygrief:ifeltsoshelteredandbefriendedwhilehesatinthechairnearmypillow;andasheclosedthedoorafterhim,alltheroomdarkenedandmyheartagainsank:inexpressiblesadnessweigheditdown.

“doyoufeelasifyoushouldsleep,miss?”askedbessie,rathersoftly.

scarcelydaredianswerher;forifearedthenextsentencemightberough.“iwilltry.”

“wouldyouliketodrink,orcouldyoueatanything?”

“no,thankyou,bessie.”

“thenithinkishallgotobed,foritispasttwelveo’clock;butyoumaycallmeifyouwantanythinginthenight.”

wonderfulcivilitythis!itemboldenedmetoaskaquestion.

“bessie,whatisthematterwithme?amiill?”

“youfellsick,isuppose,inthered-roomwithcrying;you’llbebettersoon,nodoubt.”

bessiewentintothehousemaid’sapartment,whichwasnear.iheardhersay—

“sarah,comeandsleepwithmeinthenursery;idaren’tformylifebealonewiththatpoorchildto-night:shemightdie;it’ssuchastrangethingsheshouldhavethatfit:iwonderifshesawanything.missiswasrathertoohard.”

sarahcamebackwithher;theybothwenttobed;theywerewhisperingtogetherforhalf-an-hourbeforetheyfellasleep.icaughtscrapsoftheirconversation,fromwhichiwasableonlytoodistinctlytoinferthemainsubjectdiscussed.

“somethingpassedher,alldressedinwhite,andvanished”—“agreatblackdogbehindhim”—“threeloudrapsonthechamberdoor”—“alightinthechurchyardjustoverhisgrave,”&c.&c.

atlastbothslept:thefireandthecandlewentout.forme,thewatchesofthatlongnightpassedinghastlywakefulness;strainedbydread:suchdreadaschildrenonlycanfeel.

nosevereorprolongedbodilyillnessfollowedthisincidentofthered-room;itonlygavemynervesashockofwhichifeelthereverberationtothisday.yes,mrs.reed,toyouiowesomefearfulpangsofmentalsuffering,butioughttoforgiveyou,foryouknewnotwhatyoudid:whilerendingmyheart-strings,youthoughtyouwereonlyuprootingmybadpropensities.nextday,bynoon,iwasupanddressed,andsatwrappedinashawlbythenurseryhearth.ifeltphysicallyweakandbrokendown:butmyworseailmentwasanunutterablewretchednessofmind:awretchednesswhichkeptdrawingfrommesilenttears;nosoonerhadiwipedonesaltdropfrommycheekthananotherfollowed.yet,ithought,ioughttohavebeenhappy,fornoneofthereedswerethere,theywereallgoneoutinthecarriagewiththeirmama.abbot,too,wassewinginanotherroom,andbessie,asshemovedhitherandthither,puttingawaytoysandarrangingdrawers,addressedtomeeverynowandthenawordofunwontedkindness.thisstateofthingsshouldhavebeentomeaparadiseofpeace,accustomedasiwastoalifeofceaselessreprimandandthanklessing;but,infact,myrackednerveswerenowinsuchastatethatnocalmcouldsoothe,andnopleasureexcitethemagreeably.