第4章

第4章iresistedalltheway:anewthingforme,andacircumstancewhichgreatlystrengthenedthebadopinionbessieandmissabbotweredisposedtoentertainofme.thefactis,iwasatriflebesidemyself;orratheroutofmyself,asthefrenchwouldsay:iwasconsciousthatamoment’smutinyhadalreadyrenderedmeliabletostrangepenalties,and,likeanyotherrebelslave,ifeltresolved,inmydesperation,togoalllengths.

“holdherarms,missabbot:she’slikeamadcat.”

“forshame!forshame!”criedthelady’s-maid.“whatshockingconduct,misseyre,tostrikeayounggentleman,yourbenefactress’sson!youryoungmaster.”

“master!howishemymaster?amiaservant?”

“no;youarelessthanaservant,foryoudonothingforyourkeep.there,sitdown,andthinkoveryourwickedness.”

theyhadgotmebythistimeintotheapartmentindicatedbymrs.reed,andhadthrustmeuponastool:myimpulsewastorisefromitlikeaspring;theirtwopairofhandsarrestedmeinstantly.

“ifyoudon’tsitstill,youmustbetieddown,”saidbessie.“missabbot,lendmeyourgarters;shewouldbreakminedirectly.”

missabbotturnedtodivestastoutlegofthenecessaryligature.thispreparationforbonds,andtheadditionalignominyitinferred,tookalittleoftheexcitementoutofme.

“don’ttakethemoff,”icried;“iwillnotstir.”

inguaranteewhereof,iattachedmyselftomyseatbymyhands.

“mindyoudon’t,”saidbessie;andwhenshehadascertainedthatiwasreallysubsiding,sheloosenedherholdofme;thensheandmissabbotstoodwithfoldedarms,lookingdarklyanddoubtfullyonmyface,asincredulousofmysanity.

“sheneverdidsobefore,”atlastsaidbessie,turningtotheabigail.

“butitwasalwaysinher,”wasthereply.“i’vetoldmissisoftenmyopinionaboutthechild,andmissisagreedwithme.she’sanunderhandlittlething:ineversawagirlofheragewithsomuchcover.”

bessieanswerednot;buterelong,addressingme,shesaid—“yououghttobeaware,miss,thatyouareunderobligationstomrs.reed:shekeepsyou:ifsheweretoturnyouoff,youwouldhavetogotothepoorhouse.”

ihadnothingtosaytothesewords:theywerenotnewtome:myveryfirstrecollectionsofexistenceincludedhintsofthesamekind.thisreproachofmydependencehadbecomeavaguesing-songinmyear:verypainfulandcrushing,butonlyhalfintelligible.missabbotjoinedin—

“andyououghtnottothinkyourselfonanequalitywiththemissesreedandmasterreed,becausemissiskindlyallowsyoutobebroughtupwiththem.theywillhaveagreatdealofmoney,andyouwillhavenone:itisyourplacetobehumble,andtotrytomakeyourselfagreeabletothem.”

“whatwetellyouisforyourgood,”addedbessie,innoharshvoice,“youshouldtrytobeusefulandpleasant,then,perhaps,youwouldhaveahomehere;butifyoubecomepassionateandrude,missiswillsendyouaway,iamsure.”

“besides,”saidmissabbot,“godwillpunishher:hemightstrikeherdeadinthemidstofhertantrums,andthenwherewouldshego?come,bessie,wewillleaveher:iwouldn’thaveherheartforanything.sayyourprayers,misseyre,whenyouarebyyourself;forifyoudon’trepent,somethingbadmightbepermittedtocomedownthechimneyandfetchyouaway.”

theywent,shuttingthedoor,andlockingitbehindthem.

thered-roomwasasquarechamber,veryseldomsleptin,imightsaynever,indeed,unlesswhenachanceinfluxofvisitorsatgatesheadhallrendereditnecessarytoturntoaccountalltheaccommodationitcontained:yetitwasoneofthelargestandstateliestchambersinthemansion.abedsupportedonmassivepillarsofmahogany,hungwithcurtainsofdeepreddamask,stoodoutlikeatabernacleinthecentre;thetwolargewindows,withtheirblindsalwaysdrawndown,werehalfshroudedinfestoonsandfallsofsimilardrapery;thecarpetwasred;thetableatthefootofthebedwascoveredwithacrimsoncloth;thewallswereasoftfawncolourwithablushofpinkinit;thewardrobe,thetoilet-table,thechairswereofdarklypolishedoldmahogany.outofthesedeepsurroundingshadesrosehigh,andglaredwhite,thepiled-upmattressesandpillowsofthebed,spreadwithasnowymarseillescounterpane.scarcelylessprominentwasanamplecushionedeasy-chairneartheheadofthebed,alsowhite,withafootstoolbeforeit;andlooking,asithought,likeapalethrone.

thisroomwaschill,becauseitseldomhadafire;itwassilent,becauseremotefromthenurseryandkitchen;solemn,becauseitwasknowntobesoseldomentered.thehouse-maidalonecamehereonsaturdays,towipefromthemirrorsandthefurnitureaweek’squietdust:andmrs.reedherself,atfarintervals,visitedittoreviewthecontentsofacertainsecretdrawerinthewardrobe,wherewerestoreddiversparchments,herjewel-casket,andaminiatureofherdeceasedhusband;andinthoselastwordsliesthesecretofthered-room—thespellwhichkeptitsolonelyinspiteofitsgrandeur.

mr.reedhadbeendeadnineyears:itwasinthischamberhebreathedhislast;herehelayinstate;hencehiscoffinwasbornebytheundertaker’smen;and,sincethatday,asenseofdrearyconsecrationhadguardeditfromfrequentintrusion.