第189章
第189章“heisnotmyhusband,noreverwillbe.hedoesnotloveme:idonotlovehim.heloves(ashecanlove,andthatisnotasyoulove)abeautifulyoungladycalledrosamond.hewantedtomarrymeonlybecausehethoughtishouldmakeasuitablemissionary’swife,whichshewouldnothavedone.heisgoodandgreat,butsevere;and,forme,coldasaniceberg.heisnotlikeyou,sir:iamnothappyathisside,nornearhim,norwithhim.hehasnoindulgenceforme—nofondness.heseesnothingattractiveinme;notevenyouth—onlyafewusefulmentalpoints.—thenimustleaveyou,sir,togotohim?”
ishudderedinvoluntarily,andclunginstinctivelyclosertomyblindbutbelovedmaster.hesmiled.
“what,jane!isthistrue?issuchreallythestateofmattersbetweenyouandrivers?”
“absolutely,sir!oh,youneednotbejealous!iwantedtoteaseyoualittletomakeyoulesssad:ithoughtangerwouldbebetterthangrief.butifyouwishmetoloveyou,couldyoubutseehowmuchidoloveyou,youwouldbeproudandcontent.allmyheartisyours,sir:itbelongstoyou;andwithyouitwouldremain,werefatetoexiletherestofmefromyourpresenceforever.”
again,ashekissedme,painfulthoughtsdarkenedhisaspect.“myscaredvision!mycrippledstrength!”hemurmuredregretfully.
icaressed,inordertosoothehim.iknewofwhathewasthinking,andwantedtospeakforhim,butdarednot.asheturnedasidehisfaceaminute,isawatearslidefromunderthesealedeyelid,andtrickledownthemanlycheek.myheartswelled.
“iamnobetterthantheoldlightning-struckchestnut-treeinthornfieldorchard,”heremarkederelong.“andwhatrightwouldthatruinhavetobidabuddingwoodbinecoveritsdecaywithfreshness?”
“youarenoruin,sir—nolightning-strucktree:youaregreenandvigorous.plantswillgrowaboutyourroots,whetheryouaskthemornot,becausetheytakedelightinyourbountifulshadow;andastheygrowtheywillleantowardsyou,andwindroundyou,becauseyourstrengthoffersthemsosafeaprop.”
againhesmiled:igavehimcomfort.
“youspeakoffriends,jane?”heasked.
“yes,offriends,”iansweredratherhesitatingly:foriknewimeantmorethanfriends,butcouldnottellwhatotherwordtoemploy.hehelpedme.
“ah!jane.butiwantawife.”
“doyou,sir?”
“yes:isitnewstoyou?”
“ofcourse:yousaidnothingaboutitbefore.”
“isitunwelcomenews?”
“thatdependsoncircumstances,sir—onyourchoice.”
“whichyoushallmakeforme,jane.iwillabidebyyourdecision.”
“choosethen,sir—herwholovesyoubest.”
“iwillatleastchoose—herilovebest.jane,willyoumarryme?”
“yes,sir.”
“apoorblindman,whomyouwillhavetoleadaboutbythehand?”
“yes,sir.”
“acrippledman,twentyyearsolderthanyou,whomyouwillhavetowaiton?”
“yes,sir.”
“truly,jane?”
“mosttruly,sir.”
“oh!mydarling!godblessyouandrewardyou!”
“mr.rochester,ifeverididagooddeedinmylife—ifeverithoughtagoodthought—ifeveriprayedasincereandblamelessprayer—ifeveriwishedarighteouswish,—iamrewardednow.tobeyourwifeis,forme,tobeashappyasicanbeonearth.”
“becauseyoudelightinsacrifice.”
“sacrifice!whatdoisacrifice?famineforfood,expectationforcontent.tobeprivilegedtoputmyarmsroundwhativalue—topressmylipstowhatilove—toreposeonwhatitrust:isthattomakeasacrifice?ifso,thencertainlyidelightinsacrifice.”
“andtobearwithmyinfirmities,jane:tooverlookmydeficiencies.”
“whicharenone,sir,tome.iloveyoubetternow,whenicanreallybeusefultoyou,thanididinyourstateofproudindependence,whenyoudisdainedeverypartbutthatofthegiverandprotector.”
“hithertoihavehatedtobehelped—tobeled:henceforth,ifeelishallhateitnomore.ididnotliketoputmyhandintoahireling’s,butitispleasanttofeelitcircledbyjane’slittlefingers.ipreferredutterlonelinesstotheconstantattendanceofservants;butjane’ssoftministrywillbeaperpetualjoy.janesuitsme:doisuither?”
“tothefinestfibreofmynature,sir.”
“thecasebeingso,wehavenothingintheworldtowaitfor:wemustbemarriedinstantly.”
无一错一首一发一内一容一在一6一9一书一吧一看！
helookedandspokewitheagerness:hisoldimpetuositywasrising.
“wemustbecomeonefleshwithoutanydelay,jane:thereisbutthelicencetoget—thenwemarry.”
“mr.rochester,ihavejustdiscoveredthesunisfardeclinedfromitsmeridian,andpilotisactuallygonehometohisdinner.letmelookatyourwatch.”
“fastenitintoyourgirdle,janet,andkeepithenceforward:ihavenouseforit.”
“itisnearlyfouro’clockintheafternoon,sir.don’tyoufeelhungry?”
“thethirddayfromthismustbeourwedding-day,jane.nevermindfineclothesandjewels,now:allthatisnotworthafillip.”
“thesunhasdriedupalltherain-drops,sir.thebreezeisstill:itisquitehot.”
“doyouknow,jane,ihaveyourlittlepearlnecklaceatthismomentfastenedroundmybronzescragundermycravat?ihavewornitsincethedayilostmyonlytreasure,asamementoofher.”
“wewillgohomethroughthewood:thatwillbetheshadiestway.”