第165章

第165章“yourmotherwasmyfather’ssister?”

“yes.”

“myaunt,consequently?”

hebowed.

“myunclejohnwasyourunclejohn?you,diana,andmaryarehissister’schildren,asiamhisbrother’schild?”

“undeniably.”

“youthree,then,aremycousins;halfourbloodoneachsideflowsfromthesamesource?”

“wearecousins;yes.”

isurveyedhim.itseemedihadfoundabrother:oneicouldbeproudof,—oneicouldlove;andtwosisters,whosequalitiesweresuch,that,wheniknewthembutasmerestrangers,theyhadinspiredmewithgenuineaffectionandadmiration.thetwogirls,onwhom,kneelingdownonthewetground,andlookingthroughthelow,latticedwindowofmoorhousekitchen,ihadgazedwithsobitteramixtureofinterestanddespair,weremynearkinswomen;andtheyoungandstatelygentlemanwhohadfoundmealmostdyingathisthresholdwasmybloodrelation.gloriousdiscoverytoalonelywretch!thiswaswealthindeed!—wealthtotheheart!—amineofpure,genialaffections.thiswasablessing,bright,vivid,andexhilarating;—notliketheponderousgiftofgold:richandwelcomeenoughinitsway,butsoberingfromitsweight.inowclappedmyhandsinsuddenjoy—mypulsebounded,myveinsthrilled.

“oh,iamglad!—iamglad!”iexclaimed.

st.johnsmiled.“didinotsayyouneglectedessentialpointstopursuetrifles?”heasked.“youwereseriouswhenitoldyouyouhadgotafortune;andnow,foramatterofnomoment,youareexcited.”

“whatcanyoumean?itmaybeofnomomenttoyou;youhavesistersanddon’tcareforacousin;butihadnobody;andnowthreerelations,—ortwo,ifyoudon’tchoosetobecounted,—arebornintomyworldfull-grown.isayagain,iamglad!”

iwalkedfastthroughtheroom:istopped,halfsuffocatedwiththethoughtsthatrosefasterthanicouldreceive,comprehend,settlethem:—thoughtsofwhatmight,could,would,andshouldbe,andthaterelong.ilookedattheblankwall:itseemedaskythickwithascendingstars,—everyonelitmetoapurposeordelight.thosewhohadsavedmylife,whom,tillthishour,ihadlovedbarrenly,icouldnowbenefit.theywereunderayoke,—icouldfreethem:theywerescattered,—icouldreunitethem:theindependence,theaffluencewhichwasmine,mightbetheirstoo.werewenotfour?twentythousandpoundssharedequallywouldbefivethousandeach,—enoughandtospare:justicewouldbedone,—mutualhappinesssecured.nowthewealthdidnotweighonme:nowitwasnotamerebequestofcoin,—itwasalegacyoflife,hope,enjoyment.

howilookedwhiletheseideasweretakingmyspiritbystorm,icannottell;butiperceivedsoonthatmr.rivershadplacedachairbehindme,andwasgentlyattemptingtomakemesitdownonit.healsoadvisedmetobecomposed;iscornedtheinsinuationofhelplessnessanddistraction,shookoffhishand,andbegantowalkaboutagain.

“writetodianaandmaryto-morrow,”isaid,“andtellthemtocomehomedirectly.dianasaidtheywouldbothconsiderthemselvesrichwithathousandpounds,sowithfivethousandtheywilldoverywell.”

“tellmewhereicangetyouaglassofwater,”saidst.john;“youmustreallymakeanefforttotranquilliseyourfeelings.”

“nonsense!andwhatsortofaneffectwillthebequesthaveonyou?willitkeepyouinengland,induceyoutomarrymissoliver,andsettledownlikeanordinarymortal?”

“youwander:yourheadbecomesconfused.ihavebeentooabruptincommunicatingthenews;ithasexcitedyoubeyondyourstrength.”

“mr.rivers!youquiteputmeoutofpatience:iamrationalenough;itisyouwhomisunderstand,orratherwhoaffecttomisunderstand.”

“perhaps,ifyouexplainedyourselfalittlemorefully,ishouldcomprehendbetter.”

“explain!whatistheretoexplain?youcannotfailtoseethattwentythousandpounds,thesuminquestion,dividedequallybetweenthenephewandthreeniecesofouruncle,willgivefivethousandtoeach?whatiwantis,thatyoushouldwritetoyoursistersandtellthemofthefortunethathasaccruedtothem.”

“toyou,youmean.”