第166章

第166章“ihaveintimatedmyviewofthecase:iamincapableoftakinganyother.iamnotbrutallyselfish,blindlyunjust,orfiendishlyungrateful.besides,iamresolvediwillhaveahomeandconnections.ilikemoorhouse,andiwillliveatmoorhouse;ilikedianaandmary,andiwillattachmyselfforlifetodianaandmary.itwouldpleaseandbenefitmetohavefivethousandpounds;itwouldtormentandoppressmetohavetwentythousand;which,moreover,couldneverbemineinjustice,thoughitmightinlaw.iabandontoyou,then,whatisabsolutelysuperfluoustome.lettherebenoopposition,andnodiscussionaboutit;letusagreeamongsteachother,anddecidethepointatonce.”

“thisisactingonfirstimpulses;youmusttakedaystoconsidersuchamatter,ereyourwordcanberegardedasvalid.”

“oh!ifallyoudoubtismysincerity,iameasy:youseethejusticeofthecase?”

“idoseeacertainjustice;butitiscontrarytoallcustom.besides,theentirefortuneisyourright:myunclegaineditbyhisownefforts;hewasfreetoleaveittowhomhewould:heleftittoyou.afterall,justicepermitsyoutokeepit:youmay,withaclearconscience,consideritabsolutelyyourown.”

“withme,”saidi,“itisfullyasmuchamatteroffeelingasofconscience:imustindulgemyfeelings;isoseldomhavehadanopportunityofdoingso.wereyoutoargue,object,andannoymeforayear,icouldnotforegothedeliciouspleasureofwhichihavecaughtaglimpse—thatofrepaying,inpart,amightyobligation,andwinningtomyselflifelongfriends.”

“youthinksonow,”rejoinedst.john,“becauseyoudonotknowwhatitistopossess,norconsequentlytoenjoywealth:youcannotformanotionoftheimportancetwentythousandpoundswouldgiveyou;oftheplaceitwouldenableyoutotakeinsociety;oftheprospectsitwouldopentoyou:youcannot—”

“andyou,”iinterrupted,“cannotatallimaginethecravingihaveforfraternalandsisterlylove.ineverhadahome,ineverhadbrothersorsisters;imustandwillhavethemnow:youarenotreluctanttoadmitmeandownme,areyou?”

“jane,iwillbeyourbrother—mysisterswillbeyoursisters—withoutstipulatingforthissacrificeofyourjustrights.”

“brother?yes;atthedistanceofathousandleagues!sisters?yes;slavingamongststrangers!i,wealthy—gorgedwithgoldineverearnedanddonotmerit!you,penniless!famousequalityandfraternisation!closeunion!intimateattachment!”

“but,jane,youraspirationsafterfamilytiesanddomestichappinessmayberealisedotherwisethanbythemeansyoucontemplate:youmaymarry.”

“nonsense,again!marry!idon’twanttomarry,andnevershallmarry.”

“thatissayingtoomuch:suchhazardousaffirmationsareaproofoftheexcitementunderwhichyoulabour.”

“itisnotsayingtoomuch:iknowwhatifeel,andhowaversearemyinclinationstothebarethoughtofmarriage.noonewouldtakemeforlove;andiwillnotberegardedinthelightofameremoney-speculation.andidonotwantastranger—unsympathising,alien,differentfromme;iwantmykindred:thosewithwhomihavefullfellow-feeling.sayagainyouwillbemybrother:whenyouutteredthewordsiwassatisfied,happy;repeatthem,ifyoucan,repeatthemsincerely.”

“ithinkican.iknowihavealwayslovedmyownsisters;andiknowonwhatmyaffectionforthemisgrounded,—respectfortheirworthandadmirationoftheirtalents.youtoohaveprincipleandmind:yourtastesandhabitsresemblediana’sandmary’s;yourpresenceisalwaysagreeabletome;inyourconversationihavealreadyforsometimefoundasalutarysolace.ifeelicaneasilyandnaturallymakeroominmyheartforyou,asmythirdandyoungestsister.”

“thankyou:thatcontentsmeforto-night.nowyouhadbettergo;forifyoustaylonger,youwillperhapsirritatemeafreshbysomemistrustfulscruple.”

“andtheschool,misseyre?itmustnowbeshutup,isuppose?”

“no.iwillretainmypostofmistresstillyougetasubstitute.”

hesmiledapprobation:weshookhands,andhetookleave.

ineednotnarrateindetailthefurtherlesihad,andargumentsiused,togetmattersregardingthelegacysettledasiwished.mytaskwasaveryhardone;but,asiwasabsolutelyresolved—asmycousinssawatlengththatmymindwasreallyandimmutablyfixedonmakingajustdivisionoftheproperty—astheymustintheirownheartshavefelttheequityoftheintention;andmust,besides,havebeeninnatelyconsciousthatinmyplacetheywouldhavedonepreciselywhatiwishedtodo—theyyieldedatlengthsofarastoconsenttoputtheaffairtoarbitration.thejudgeschosenweremr.oliverandanablelawyer:bothcoincidedinmyopinion:icarriedmypoint.theinstrumentsoftransferweredrawnout:st.john,diana,mary,andi,eachbecamepossessedofacompetency.