第160章

第160章“shelikesyou,iamsure,”saidi,asistoodbehindhischair,“andherfatherrespectsyou.moreover,sheisasweetgirl—ratherthoughtless;butyouwouldhavesufficientthoughtforbothyourselfandher.yououghttomarryher.”

“doesshelikeme?”heasked.

“certainly;betterthanshelikesanyoneelse.shetalksofyoucontinually:thereisnosubjectsheenjoyssomuchortouchesuponsooften.”

“itisverypleasanttohearthis,”hesaid—“very:goonforanotherquarterofanhour.”andheactuallytookouthiswatchandlaidituponthetabletomeasurethetime.

“butwhereistheuseofgoingon,”iasked,“whenyouareprobablypreparingsomeironblowofcontradiction,orforgingafreshchaintofetteryourheart?”

“don’timaginesuchhardthings.fancymeyieldingandmelting,asiamdoing:humanloverisinglikeafreshlyopenedfountaininmymindandoverflowingwithsweetinundationallthefieldihavesocarefullyandwithsuchlabourprepared—soassiduouslysownwiththeseedsofgoodintentions,ofself-denyingplans.andnowitisdelugedwithanectarousflood—theyounggermsswamped—deliciouspoisoncankeringthem:nowiseemyselfstretchedonanottomaninthedrawing-roomatvalehallatmybriderosamondoliver’sfeet:sheistalkingtomewithhersweetvoice—gazingdownonmewiththoseeyesyourskilfulhandhascopiedsowell—smilingatmewiththesecorallips.sheismine—iamhers—thispresentlifeandpassingworldsufficetome.hush!saynothing—myheartisfullofdelight—mysensesareentranced—letthetimeimarkedpassinpeace.”

ihumouredhim:thewatchtickedon:hebreathedfastandlow:istoodsilent.amidstthishushthequartetsped;hereplacedthewatch,laidthepicturedown,rose,andstoodonthehearth.

“now,”saidhe,“thatlittlespacewasgiventodeliriumanddelusion.irestedmytemplesonthebreastoftemptation,andputmyneckvoluntarilyunderheryokeofflowers.itastedhercup.thepillowwasburning:thereisanaspinthegarland:thewinehasabittertaste:herpromisesarehollow—heroffersfalse:iseeandknowallthis.”

igazedathiminwonder.

“itisstrange,”pursuedhe,“thatwhileiloverosamondoliversowildly—withalltheintensity,indeed,ofafirstpassion,theobjectofwhichisexquisitelybeautiful,graceful,fascinating—iexperienceatthesametimeacalm,unwarpedconsciousnessthatshewouldnotmakemeagoodwife;thatsheisnotthepartnersuitedtome;thatishoulddiscoverthiswithinayearaftermarriage;andthattotwelvemonths’rapturewouldeedalifetimeofregret.thisiknow.”

“strangeindeed!”icouldnothelpejaculating.

“whilesomethinginme,”hewenton,“isacutelysensibletohercharms,somethingelseisasdeeplyimpressedwithherdefects:theyaresuchthatshecouldsympathiseinnothingiaspiredto—co-operateinnothingiundertook.rosamondasufferer,alabourer,afemaleapostle?rosamondamissionary’swife?no!”

“butyouneednotbeamissionary.youmightrelinquishthatscheme.”

“relinquish!what!myvocation?mygreatwork?myfoundationlaidonearthforamansioninheaven?myhopesofbeingnumberedinthebandwhohavemergedallambitionsinthegloriousoneofbetteringtheirrace—ofcarryingknowledgeintotherealmsofignorance—ofsubstitutingpeaceforwar—freedomforbondage—religionforsuperstition—thehopeofheavenforthefearofhell?mustirelinquishthat?itisdearerthanthebloodinmyveins.itiswhatihavetolookforwardto,andtolivefor.”

afteraconsiderablepause,isaid—“andmissoliver?areherdisappointmentandsorrowofnointeresttoyou?”

“missoliveriseversurroundedbysuitorsandflatterers:inlessthanamonth,myimagewillbeeffacedfromherheart.shewillforgetme;andwillmarry,probably,someonewhowillmakeherfarhappierthanishoulddo.”

“youspeakcoollyenough;butyousufferintheconflict.youarewastingaway.”

“no.ifigetalittlethin,itiswithanxietyaboutmyprospects,yetunsettled—mydeparture,continuallyprocrastinated.onlythismorning,ireceivedintelligencethattheessor,whosearrivalihavebeensolongexpecting,cannotbereadytoreplacemeforthreemonthstocomeyet;andperhapsthethreemonthsmayextendtosix.”