第135章
第135章“andnow?”softlykissingmyforeheadandcheek.
“ido,”extricatingmyselffromrestraintrapidlyandcompletely.
“oh,jane,thisisbitter!this—thisiswicked.itwouldnotbewickedtoloveme.”
“itwouldtoobeyyou.”
awildlookraisedhisbrows—crossedhisfeatures:herose;butheforeboreyet.ilaidmyhandonthebackofachairforsupport:ishook,ifeared—butiresolved.
“oneinstant,jane.giveoneglancetomyhorriblelifewhenyouaregone.allhappinesswillbetornawaywithyou.whatthenisleft?forawifeihavebutthemaniacupstairs:aswellmightyourefermetosomecorpseinyonderchurchyard.whatshallido,jane?whereturnforacompanionandforsomehope?”
“doasido:trustingodandyourself.believeinheaven.hopetomeetagainthere.”
“thenyouwillnotyield?”
“no.”
“thenyoucondemnmetolivewretchedandtodieaccursed?”hisvoicerose.
“iadviseyoutolivesinless,andiwishyoutodietranquil.”
“thenyousnatchloveandinnocencefromme?youflingmebackonlustforapassion—viceforanoccupation?”
“mr.rochester,inomoreassignthisfatetoyouthanigraspatitformyself.wewereborntostriveandendure—youaswellasi:doso.youwillforgetmebeforeiforgetyou.”
“youmakemealiarbysuchlanguage:yousullymyhonour.ideclaredicouldnotchange:youtellmetomyfaceishallchangesoon.andwhatadistortioninyourjudgment,whataperversityinyourideas,isprovedbyyourconduct!isitbettertodriveafellow-creaturetodespairthantotransgressamerehumanlaw,nomanbeinginjuredbythebreach?foryouhaveneitherrelativesnoracquaintanceswhomyouneedfeartooffendbylivingwithme?”
thiswastrue:andwhilehespokemyveryconscienceandreasonturnedtraitorsagainstme,andchargedmewithcrimeinresistinghim.theyspokealmostasloudasfeeling:andthatclamouredwildly.“oh,comply!”itsaid.“thinkofhismisery;thinkofhisdanger—lookathisstatewhenleftalone;rememberhisheadlongnature;considertherecklessnessfollowingondespair—soothehim;savehim;lovehim;tellhimyoulovehimandwillbehis.whointheworldcaresforyou?orwhowillbeinjuredbywhatyoudo?”
stillindomitablewasthereply—“icareformyself.themoresolitary,themorefriendless,themoreunsustainediam,themoreiwillrespectmyself.iwillkeepthelawgivenbygod;sanctionedbyman.iwillholdtotheprinciplesreceivedbymewheniwassane,andnotmad—asiamnow.lawsandprinciplesarenotforthetimeswhenthereisnotemptation:theyareforsuchmomentsasthis,whenbodyandsoulriseinmutinyagainsttheirrigour;stringentarethey;inviolatetheyshallbe.ifatmyindividualconvenienceimightbreakthem,whatwouldbetheirworth?theyhaveaworth—soihavealwaysbelieved;andificannotbelieveitnow,itisbecauseiaminsane—quiteinsane:withmyveinsrunningfire,andmyheartbeatingfasterthanicancountitsthrobs.preconceivedopinions,foregonedeterminations,areallihaveatthishourtostandby:thereiplantmyfoot.”
idid.mr.rochester,readingmycountenance,sawihaddoneso.hisfurywaswroughttothehighest:hemustyieldtoitforamoment,whateverfollowed;hecrossedthefloorandseizedmyarmandgraspedmywaist.heseemedtodevourmewithhisflamingglance:physically,ifelt,atthemoment,powerlessasstubbleexposedtothedraughtandglowofafurnace:mentally,istillpossessedmysoul,andwithitthecertaintyofultimatesafety.thesoul,fortunately,hasaninterpreter—oftenanunconscious,butstillatruthfulinterpreter—intheeye.myeyerosetohis;andwhileilookedinhisfiercefaceigaveaninvoluntarysigh;hisgripewaspainful,andmyover-taxedstrengthalmostexhausted.
“never,”saidhe,ashegroundhisteeth,“neverwasanythingatoncesofrailandsoindomitable.amerereedshefeelsinmyhand!”(andheshookmewiththeforceofhishold.)“icouldbendherwithmyfingerandthumb:andwhatgoodwoulditdoifibent,ifiuptore,ificrushedher?considerthateye:considertheresolute,wild,freethinglookingoutofit,defyingme,withmorethancourage—withasterntriumph.whateveridowithitscage,icannotgetatit—thesavage,beautifulcreature!ifitear,ifirendtheslightprison,myoutragewillonlyletthecaptiveloose.conquerorimightbeofthehouse;buttheinmatewouldescapetoheavenbeforeicouldcallmyselfpossessorofitsclaydwelling-place.anditisyou,spirit—withwillandenergy,andvirtueandpurity—thatiwant:notaloneyourbrittleframe.ofyourselfyoucouldcomewithsoftflightandnestleagainstmyheart,ifyouwould:seizedagainstyourwill,youwilleludethegrasplikeanessence—youwillvanishereiinhaleyourfragrance.oh!come,jane,come!”
ashesaidthis,hereleasedmefromhisclutch,andonlylookedatme.thelookwasfarworsetoresistthanthefranticstrain:onlyanidiot,however,wouldhaveumbednow.ihaddaredandbaffledhisfury;imusteludehissorrow:iretiredtothedoor.
“youaregoing,jane?”
“iamgoing,sir.”
“youareleavingme?”
“yes.”
“youwillnotcome?youwillnotbemycomforter,myrescuer?mydeeplove,mywildwoe,myfranticprayer,areallnothingtoyou?”
whatunutterablepathoswasinhisvoice!howharditwastoreiteratefirmly,“iamgoing.”
“jane!”
“mr.rochester!”
“withdraw,then,—iconsent;butremember,youleavemehereinanguish.gouptoyourownroom;thinkoverallihavesaid,and,jane,castaglanceonmysufferings—thinkofme.”
无一错一首一发一内一容一在一6一9一书一吧一看！
heturnedaway;hethrewhimselfonhisfaceonthesofa.“oh,jane!myhope—mylove—mylife!”brokeinanguishfromhislips.thencameadeep,strongsob.
ihadalreadygainedthedoor;but,reader,iwalkedback—walkedbackasdeterminedlyasihadretreated.ikneltdownbyhim;iturnedhisfacefromthecushiontome;ikissedhischeek;ismoothedhishairwithmyhand.