第128章

第128章“ifyouthinkso，youmusthaveastrangeopinionofme；youmustregardmeasaplottingprofligate—abaseandlowrakewhohasbeensimulatingdisinterestedloveinordertodrawyouintoasnaredeliberatelylaid，andstripyouofhonourandrobyouofself-respect.whatdoyousaytothat？iseeyoucansaynothinginthefirstplace，youarefaintstill，andhaveenoughtodotodrawyourbreath；inthesecondplace，youcannotyetaccustomyourselftoaccuseandrevileme，andbesides，theflood-gatesoftearsareopened，andtheywouldrushoutifyouspokemuch；andyouhavenodesiretoexpostulate，toupbraid，tomakeascene：youarethinkinghowtoact—talkingyouconsiderisofnouse.iknowyou—iamonmyguard.”

“sir，idonotwishtoactagainstyou，”isaid；andmyunsteadyvoicewarnedmetocurtailmysentence.

“notinyoursenseoftheword，butinmineyouareschemingtodestroyme.youhaveasgoodassaidthatiamamarriedman—asamarriedmanyouwillshunme，keepoutofmyway：justnowyouhaverefusedtokissme.youintendtomakeyourselfacompletestrangertome：toliveunderthisroofonlyasadèle’sgoverness；ifeverisayafriendlywordtoyou，ifeverafriendlyfeelinginclinesyouagaintome，youwillsay，—‘thatmanhadnearlymademehismistress：imustbeiceandrocktohim；’andiceandrockyouwillaccordinglybecome.”

iclearedandsteadiedmyvoicetoreply：“allischangedaboutme，sir；imustchangetoo—thereisnodoubtofthat；andtoavoidfluctuationsoffeeling，andcontinualcombatswithrecollectionsandassociations，thereisonlyoneway—adèlemusthaveanewgoverness，sir.”

“oh，adèlewillgotoschool—ihavesettledthatalready；nordoimeantotormentyouwiththehideousassociationsandrecollectionsofthornfieldhall—thisaccursedplace—thistentofachan—thisinsolentvault，offeringtheghastlinessoflivingdeathtothelightoftheopensky—thisnarrowstonehell，withitsonerealfiend，worsethanalegionofsuchasweimagine.jane，youshallnotstayhere，norwilli.iwaswrongevertobringyoutothornfieldhall，knowingasididhowitwashaunted.ichargedthemtoconcealfromyou，beforeieversawyou，allknowledgeofthecurseoftheplace；merelybecauseifearedadèleneverwouldhaveagovernesstostayifsheknewwithwhatinmateshewashoused，andmyplanswouldnotpermitmetoremovethemaniacelsewhere—thoughipossessanoldhouse，ferndeanmanor，evenmoreretiredandhiddenthanthis，whereicouldhavelodgedhersafelyenough，hadnotascrupleabouttheunhealthinessofthesituation，intheheartofawood，mademyconsciencerecoilfromthearrangement.probablythosedampwallswouldsoonhaveeasedmeofhercharge：buttoeachvillainhisownvice；andmineisnotatendencytoindirectassassination，evenofwhatimosthate.

“concealingthemad-woman’sneighbourhoodfromyou，however，wassomethinglikecoveringachildwithacloakandlayingitdownnearaupas-tree：thatdemon’svicinageispoisoned，andalwayswas.buti’llshutupthornfieldhall：i’llnailupthefrontdoorandboardthelowerwindows：i’llgivemrs.pooletwohundredayeartoliveherewithmywife，asyoutermthatfearfulhag：gracewilldomuchformoney，andsheshallhaveherson，thekeeperatgrimsbyretreat，tobearhercompanyandbeathandtogiveheraidintheparoxysms，whenmywifeispromptedbyherfamiliartoburnpeopleintheirbedsatnight，tostabthem，tobitetheirfleshfromtheirbones，andsoon—”

“sir，”iinterruptedhim，“youareinexorableforthatunfortunatelady：youspeakofherwithhate—withvindictiveantipathy.itiscruel—shecannothelpbeingmad.”

“jane，mylittledarling(soiwillcallyou，forsoyouare)，youdon’tknowwhatyouaretalkingabout；youmisjudgemeagain：itisnotbecausesheismadihateher.ifyouweremad，doyouthinkishouldhateyou？”

“idoindeed，sir.”

“thenyouaremistaken，andyouknownothingaboutme，andnothingaboutthesortofloveofwhichiamcapable.everyatomofyourfleshisasdeartomeasmyown：inpainandsicknessitwouldstillbedear.yourmindismytreasure，andifitwerebroken，itwouldbemytreasurestill：ifyouraved，myarmsshouldconfineyou，andnotastraitwaistcoat—yourgrasp，eveninfury，wouldhaveacharmforme：ifyouflewatmeaswildlyasthatwomandidthismorning，ishouldreceiveyouinanembrace，atleastasfondasitwouldberestrictive.ishouldnotshrinkfromyouwithdisgustasididfromher：inyourquietmomentsyoushouldhavenowatcherandnonursebutme；andicouldhangoveryouwithuntiringtenderness，thoughyougavemenosmileinreturn；andneverwearyofgazingintoyoureyes，thoughtheyhadnolongerarayofrecognitionforme.—butwhydoifollowthattrainofideas？iwastalkingofremovingyoufromthornfield.all，youknow，ispreparedforpromptdeparture：to-morrowyoushallgo.ionlyaskyoutoendureonemorenightunderthisroof，jane；andthen，farewelltoitsmiseriesandterrorsforever！ihaveaplacetorepairto，whichwillbeasecuresanctuaryfromhatefulreminiscences，fromunwelcomeintrusion—evenfromfalsehoodandslander.”

“andtakeadèlewithyou，sir，”iinterrupted；“shewillbeacompanionforyou.”

“whatdoyoumean，jane？itoldyouiwouldsendadèletoschool；andwhatdoiwantwithachildforacompanion，andnotmyownchild，—afrenchdancer’sbastard？whydoyouimportunemeabouther！isay，whydoyouassignadèletomeforacompanion？”

“youspokeofaretirement，sir；andretirementandsolitudearedull：toodullforyou.”

“solitude！solitude！”hereiteratedwithirritation.“iseeimustcometoanexplanation.idon’tknowwhatsphynx-likeexpressionisforminginyourcountenance.youaretosharemysolitude.doyouunderstand？”