第130章

第130章“iaskonlyminutes.jane,didyoueverhearorknowatiwasnottheeldestsonofmyhouse:thatihadonceabrotherolderthani?”

“iremembermrs.fairfaxtoldmesoonce.”

“anddidyoueverhearthatmyfatherwasanavaricious,graspingman?”

“ihaveunderstoodsomethingtothateffect.”

“well,jane,beingso,itwashisresolutiontokeepthepropertytogether;hecouldnotbeartheideaofdividinghisestateandleavingmeafairportion:all,heresolved,shouldgotomybrother,rowland.yetaslittlecouldheendurethatasonofhisshouldbeapoorman.imustbeprovidedforbyawealthymarriage.hesoughtmeapartnerbetimes.mr.mason,awestindiaplanterandmerchant,washisoldacquaintance.hewascertainhispossessionswererealandvast:hemadeinquiries.mr.mason,hefound,hadasonanddaughter;andhelearnedfromhimthathecouldandwouldgivethelatterafortuneofthirtythousandpounds:thatsufficed.whenileftcollege,iwassentouttojamaica,toespouseabridealreadycourtedforme.myfathersaidnothingabouthermoney;buthetoldmemissmasonwastheboastofspanishtownforherbeauty:andthiswasnolie.ifoundherafinewoman,inthestyleofblancheingram:tall,dark,andmajestic.herfamilywishedtosecuremebecauseiwasofagoodrace;andsodidshe.theyshowedhertomeinparties,splendidlydressed.iseldomsawheralone,andhadverylittleprivateconversationwithher.sheflatteredme,andlavishlydisplayedformypleasurehercharmsandaccomplishments.allthemeninhercircleseemedtoadmireherandenvyme.iwasdazzled,stimulated:mysenseswereexcited;andbeingignorant,raw,andinexperienced,ithoughtilovedher.thereisnofollysobesottedthattheidioticrivalriesofsociety,theprurience,therashness,theblindnessofyouth,willnothurryamantoitscommission.herrelativesencouragedme;competitorspiquedme;shealluredme:amarriagewasachievedalmostbeforeiknewwhereiwas.oh,ihavenorespectformyselfwhenithinkofthatact!—anagonyofinwardcontemptmastersme.ineverloved,ineveresteemed,ididnotevenknowher.iwasnotsureoftheexistenceofonevirtueinhernature:ihadmarkedneithermodesty,norbenevolence,norcandour,norrefinementinhermindormanners—and,imarriedher:—gross,grovelling,mole-eyedblockheadthatiwas!withlesssinimighthave—butletmeremembertowhomiamspeaking.”

“mybride’smotherihadneverseen:iunderstoodshewasdead.thehoneymoonover,ilearnedmymistake;shewasonlymad,andshutupinalunaticasylum.therewasayoungerbrother,too—acompletedumbidiot.theelderone,whomyouhaveseen(andwhomicannothate,whilstiabhorallhiskindred,becausehehassomegrainsofaffectioninhisfeeblemind,showninthecontinuedinteresthetakesinhiswretchedsister,andalsoinadog-likeattachmentheonceboreme),willprobablybeinthesamestateoneday.myfatherandmybrotherrowlandknewallthis;buttheythoughtonlyofthethirtythousandpounds,andjoinedintheplotagainstme.”

“thesewerevilediscoveries;butexceptforthetreacheryofconcealment,ishouldhavemadethemnosubjectofreproachtomywife,evenwhenifoundhernaturewhollyalientomine,hertastesobnoxioustome,hercastofmindcommon,low,narrow,andsingularlyincapableofbeingledtoanythinghigher,expandedtoanythinglarger—whenifoundthaticouldnotpassasingleevening,norevenasinglehourofthedaywithherincomfort;thatkindlyconversationcouldnotbesustainedbetweenus,becausewhatevertopicistarted,immediatelyreceivedfromheraturnatoncecoarseandtrite,perverseandimbecile—wheniperceivedthatishouldneverhaveaquietorsettledhousehold,becausenoservantwouldbearthecontinuedoutbreaksofherviolentandunreasonabletemper,orthevexationsofherabsurd,contradictory,exactingorders—eventhenirestrainedmyself:ieschewedupbraiding,icurtailedremonstrance;itriedtodevourmyrepentanceanddisgustinsecret;irepressedthedeepantipathyifelt.

“jane,iwillnottroubleyouwithabominabledetails:somestrongwordsshallexpresswhatihavetosay.ilivedwiththatwomanupstairsfouryears,andbeforethattimeshehadtriedmeindeed:hercharacterripenedanddevelopedwithfrightfulrapidity;hervicessprangupfastandrank:theyweresostrong,onlycrueltycouldcheckthem,andiwouldnotusecruelty.whatapigmyintellectshehad,andwhatgiantpropensities!howfearfulwerethecursesthosepropensitiesentailedonme!berthamason,thetruedaughterofaninfamousmother,edmethroughallthehideousanddegradingagonieswhichmustattendamanboundtoawifeatonceintemperateandunchaste.

“mybrotherintheintervalwasdead,andattheendofthefouryearsmyfatherdiedtoo.iwasrichenoughnow—yetpoortohideousindigence:anaturethemostgross,impure,depravedieversaw,wasassociatedwithmine,andcalledbythelawandbysocietyapartofme.andicouldnotridmyselfofitbyanylegalproceedings:forthedoctorsnowdiscoveredthatmywifewasmad—herexcesseshadprematurelydevelopedthegermsofinsanity.jane,youdon’tlikemynarrative;youlookalmostsick—shallidefertheresttoanotherday?”

“no,sir,finishitnow;ipityyou—idoearnestlypityyou.”