第105章

第105章iknewtherewouldbepleasureinmeetingmymasteragain，eventhoughbrokenbythefearthathewassosoontoceasetobemymaster，andbytheknowledgethatiwasnothingtohim：buttherewaseverinmr.rochester(soatleastithought)suchawealthofthepowerofcommunicatinghappiness，thattotastebutofthecrumbshescatteredtostrayandstrangerbirdslikeme，wastofeastgenially.hislastwordswerebalm：theyseemedtoimplythatitimportedsomethingtohimwhetheriforgothimornot.andhehadspokenofthornfieldasmyhome—wouldthatitweremyhome！

hedidnotleavethestile，andihardlylikedtoasktogoby.iinquiredsoonifhehadnotbeentolondon.

“yes；isupposeyoufoundthatoutbysecond-sight.”

“mrs.fairfaxtoldmeinaletter.”

“anddidsheinformyouwhatiwenttodo？”

“oh，yes，sir！everybodyknewyourerrand.”

“youmustseethecarriage，jane，andtellmeifyoudon’tthinkitwillsuitmrs.rochesterexactly；andwhethershewon’tlooklikequeenboadicea，leaningbackagainstthosepurplecushions.iwish，jane，iwereatriflebetteradaptedtomatchwithherexternally.tellmenow，fairyasyouare—can’tyougivemeacharm，oraphilter，orsomethingofthatsort，tomakemeahandsomeman？”

“itwouldbepastthepowerofmagic，sir；”and，inthought，iadded，“alovingeyeisallthecharmneeded：tosuchyouarehandsomeenough；orratheryoursternnesshasapowerbeyondbeauty.”

mr.rochesterhadsometimesreadmyunspokenthoughtswithanacumentomeincomprehensible：inthepresentinstancehetooknonoticeofmyabruptvocalresponse；buthesmiledatmewithacertainsmilehehadofhisown，andwhichheusedbutonrareoccasions.heseemedtothinkittoogoodforcommonpurposes：itwastherealsunshineoffeeling—hesheditovermenow.

“pass，janet，”saidhe，makingroomformetocrossthestile：“gouphome，andstayyourwearylittlewanderingfeetatafriend’sthreshold.”

allihadnowtodowastoobeyhiminsilence：noneedformetocolloquisefurther.igotoverthestilewithoutaword，andmeanttoleavehimcalmly.animpulseheldmefast—aforceturnedmeround.isaid—orsomethinginmesaidforme，andinspiteofme—

“thankyou，mr.rochester，foryourgreatkindness.iamstrangelygladtogetbackagaintoyou：andwhereveryouareismyhome—myonlyhome.”

iwalkedonsofastthatevenhecouldhardlyhaveovertakenmehadhetried.littleadèlewashalfwildwithdelightwhenshesawme.mrs.fairfaxreceivedmewithherusualplainfriendliness.leahsmiled，andevensophiebidme“bonsoir”withglee.thiswasverypleasant；thereisnohappinesslikethatofbeinglovedbyyourfellow-creatures，andfeelingthatyourpresenceisanadditiontotheircomfort.

ithateveningshutmyeyesresolutelyagainstthefuture：istoppedmycarsagainstthevoicethatkeptwarningmeofnearseparationandcominggrief.whenteawasoverandmrs.fairfaxhadtakenherknitting，andihadassumedalowseatnearher，andadèle，kneelingonthecarpet，hadnestledcloseuptome，andasenseofmutualaffectionseemedtosurrounduswitharingofgoldenpeace，iutteredasilentprayerthatwemightnotbepartedfarorsoon；butwhen，aswethussat，mr.rochesterentered，unannounced，andlookingatus，seemedtotakepleasureinthespectacleofagroupsoamicable—whenhesaidhesupposedtheoldladywasallrightnowthatshehadgotheradopteddaughterbackagain，andaddedthathesawadèlewas“prêteàcroquersapetitemamananglaise”—ihalfventuredtohopethathewould，evenafterhismarriage，keepustogethersomewhereundertheshelterofhisprotection，andnotquiteexiledfromthesunshineofhispresence.

afortnightofdubiouscalmeededmyreturntothornfieldhall.nothingwassaidofthemaster’smarriage，andisawnopreparationgoingonforsuchanevent.almosteverydayiaskedmrs.fairfaxifshehadyetheardanythingdecided：heranswerwasalwaysinthenegative.onceshesaidshehadactuallyputthequestiontomr.rochesterastowhenhewasgoingtobringhisbridehome；buthehadansweredheronlybyajokeandoneofhisqueerlooks，andshecouldnottellwhattomakeofhim.

onethingspeciallysurprisedme，andthatwas，therewerenojourneyingsbackwardandforward，novisitstoingrampark：tobesureitwastwentymilesoff，onthebordersofanothercounty；butwhatwasthatdistancetoanardentlover？tosopractisedandindefatigableahorsemanasmr.rochester，itwouldbebutamorning’sride.ibegantocherishhopesihadnorighttoconceive：thatthematchwasbrokenoff；thatrumourhadbeenmistaken；thatoneorbothpartieshadchangedtheirminds.iusedtolookatmymaster’sfacetoseeifitweresadorfierce；buticouldnotrememberthetimewhenithadbeensouniformlyclearofcloudsorevilfeelings.if，inthemomentsiandmypupilspentwithhim，ilackedspiritsandsankintoinevitabledejection，hebecameevengay.neverhadhecalledmemorefrequentlytohispresence；neverbeenkindertomewhenthere—and，alas！neverhadilovedhimsowell.