第25章

第25章myfirstquarteratlowoodseemedanage;andnotthegoldenageeither;itcomprisedanirksomelewithdifficultiesinhabituatingmyselftonewrulesandunwontedtasks.thefearoffailureinthesepointsharassedmeworsethanthephysicalhardshipsofmylot;thoughthesewerenotrifles.

duringjanuary,february,andpartofmarch,thedeepsnows,and,aftertheirmelting,thealmostimpassableroads,preventedourstirringbeyondthegardenwalls,excepttogotochurch;butwithintheselimitswehadtopassanhoureverydayintheopenair.ourclothingwasinsufficienttoprotectusfromtheseverecold:wehadnoboots,thesnowgotintoourshoesandmeltedthere:ourunglovedhandsbecamenumbedandcoveredwithchilblains,aswereourfeet:irememberwellthedistractingirritationienduredfromthiscauseeveryevening,whenmyfeetinflamed;andthetortureofthrustingtheswelled,raw,andstifftoesintomyshoesinthemorning.thenthescantysupplyoffoodwasdistressing:withthekeenappetitesofgrowingchildren,wehadscarcelysufficienttokeepaliveadelicateinvalid.fromthisdeficiencyofnourishmentresultedanabuse,whichpressedhardlyontheyoungerpupils:wheneverthefamishedgreatgirlshadanopportunity,theywouldcoaxormenacethelittleonesoutoftheirportion.manyatimeihavesharedbetweentwoclaimantsthepreciousmorselofbrownbreaddistributedattea-time;andafterrelinquishingtoathirdhalfthecontentsofmymugofcoffee,ihaveswallowedtheremainderwithanaccompanimentofsecret

tears,forcedfrommebytheexigencyofhunger.

sundaysweredrearydaysinthatwintryseason.wehadtowalktwomilestobrocklebridgechurch,whereourpatronofficiated.wesetoutcold,wearrivedatchurchcolder:duringthemorningservicewebecamealmostparalysed.itwastoofartoreturntodinner,andanallowanceofcoldmeatandbread,inthesamepenuriousproportionobservedinourordinarymeals,wasservedroundbetweentheservices.

atthecloseoftheafternoonservicewereturnedbyanexposedandhillyroad,wherethebitterwinterwind,blowingoverarangeofsnowysummitstothenorth,almostflayedtheskinfromourfaces.

icanremembermisstemplewalkinglightlyandrapidlyalongourdroopingline,herplaidcloak,whichthefrostywindfluttered,gatheredcloseabouther,andencouragingus,bypreceptandexample,tokeepupourspirits,andmarchforward,asshesaid,“likestalwartsoldiers.”theotherteachers,poorthings,weregenerallythemselvestoomuchdejectedtoattemptthetaskofcheeringothers.

howwelongedforthelightandheatofablazingfirewhenwegotback!but,tothelittleonesatleast,thiswasdenied:eachhearthintheschoolroomwasimmediatelysurroundedbyadoublerowofgreatgirls,andbehindthemtheyoungerchildrencrouchedingroups,wrappingtheirstarvedarmsintheirpinafores.

alittlesolacecameattea-time,intheshapeofadoublerationofbread—awhole,insteadofahalf,slice—withthedeliciousadditionofathinscrapeofbutter:itwasthehebdomadaltreattowhichwealllookedforwardfromsabbathtosabbath.igenerallycontrivedtoreserveamoietyofthisbounteousrepastformyself;buttheremainderiwasinvariablyobligedtopartwith.

thesundayeveningwasspentinrepeating,byheart,thechurchcatechism,andthefifth,sixth,andseventhchaptersofst.matthew;andinlisteningtoalongsermon,readbymissmiller,whoseirrepressibleyawnsattestedherweariness.afrequentinterludeoftheseperformanceswastheenactmentofthepartofeutychusbysomehalf-dozenoflittlegirls,who,overpoweredwithsleep,wouldfalldown,ifnotoutofthethirdloft,yetoffthefourthform,andbetakenuphalfdead.theremedywas,tothrustthemforwardintothecentreoftheschoolroom,andobligethemtostandtheretillthesermonwasfinished.sometimestheirfeetfailedthem,andtheysanktogetherinaheap;theywerethenproppedupwiththemonitors’highstools.

ihavenotyetalludedtothevisitsofmr.brocklehurst;andindeedthatgentlemanwasfromhomeduringthegreaterpartofthefirstmonthaftermyarrival;perhapsprolonginghisstaywithhisfriendthearchdeacon:hisabsencewasarelieftome.ineednotsaythatihadmyownreasonsfordreadinghiscoming:butcomehedidatlast.

oneafternoon(ihadthenbeenthreeweeksatlowood),asiwassittingwithaslateinmyhand,puzzlingoverasuminlongdivision,myeyes,raisedinabstractiontothewindow,caughtsightofafigurejustpassing:irecognisedalmostinstinctivelythatgauntoutline;andwhen,twominutesafter,alltheschool,teachersincluded,roseenmasse,itwasnotnecessaryformetolookupinordertoascertainwhoseentrancetheythusgreeted.alongstridemeasuredtheschoolroom,andpresentlybesidemisstemple,whoherselfhadrisen,stoodthesameblackcolumnwhichhadfrownedonmesoominouslyfromthehearthrugofgateshead.inowglancedsidewaysatthispieceofarchitecture.yes,iwasright:itwasmr.brocklehurst,buttonedupinasurtout,andlookinglonger,narrower,andmorerigidthanever.

ihadmyownreasonsforbeingdismayedatthisapparition;toowellirememberedtheperfidioushintsgivenbymrs.reedaboutmydisposition,&c.;thepromisepledgedbymr.brocklehursttoapprisemisstempleandtheteachersofmyviciousnature.allalongihadbeendreadingthefulfilmentofthispromise,—ihadbeenlookingoutdailyforthe“comingman,”whoseinformationrespectingmypastlifeandconversationwastobrandmeasabadchildforever:nowtherehewas.