第76章

第76章“iamveryweakatthismoment,but…ibelievemyillnessisallover.iknewitwouldbeoverwheniwentout.bytheway,potchinkov’shouseisonlyafewstepsaway.icertainlymustgotorazumihinevenifitwerenotcloseby…lethimwinhisbet!letusgivehimsomesatisfaction,too—nomatter!strength,strengthiswhatonewants,youcangetnothingwithoutit,andstrengthmustbewonbystrength—that’swhattheydon’tknow,”headdedproudlyandself-confidentlyandhewalkedwithingfootstepsfromthebridge.prideandself-confidencegrewcontinuallystrongerinhim;hewasbecomingadifferentmaneverymoment.whatwasithadhappenedtoworkthisrevolutioninhim?hedidnotknowhimself;likeamancatchingatastraw,hesuddenlyfeltthathe,too,‘couldlive,thattherewasstilllifeforhim,thathislifehadnotdiedwiththeoldwoman.’perhapshewasintoogreatahurrywithhisconclusions,buthedidnotthinkofthat.

“butididaskhertoremember‘thyservantrodion’inherprayers,”theideastruckhim.“well,thatwas…incaseofemergency,”headdedandlaughedhimselfathisboyishsally.hewasinthebestofspirits.

heeasilyfoundrazumihin;thenewlodgerwasalreadyknownatpotchinkov’sandtheporteratonceshowedhimtheway.half-wayupstairshecouldhearthenoiseandanimatedconversationofabiggatheringofpeople.thedoorwaswideopenonthestairs;hecouldhearexclamationsanddiscussion.razumihin’sroomwasfairlylarge;thecompanyconsistedoffifteenpeople.raskolnikovstoppedintheentry,wheretwoofthelandlady’sservantswerebusybehindascreenwithtwosamovars,bottles,platesanddishesofpieandsavouries,broughtupfromthelandlady’skitchen.raskolnikovsentinforrazumihin.heranoutdelighted.atthefirstglanceitwasapparentthathehadhadagreatdealtodrinkand,thoughnoamountofliquormaderazumihinquitedrunk,thistimehewasperceptiblyaffectedbyit.

“listen,”raskolnikovhastenedtosay,“i’veonlyjustcometotellyouyou’vewonyourbetandthatnoonereallyknowswhatmaynothappentohim.ican’tcomein;iamsoweakthatishallfalldowndirectly.andsogoodeveningandgood-bye!comeandseemeto-morrow.”

“doyouknowwhat?i’llseeyouhome.ifyousayyou’reweakyourself,youmust…”

“andyourvisitors?whoisthecurly-headedonewhohasjustpeepedout?”

“he?goodnessonlyknows!somefriendofuncle’s,iexpect,orperhapshehascomewithoutbeinginvited…i’llleaveunclewiththem,heisaninvaluableperson,pityican’tintroduceyoutohimnow.butconfoundthemallnow!theywon’tnoticeme,andineedalittlefreshair,foryou’vecomejustinthenickoftime—anothertwominutesandishouldhavecometoblows!theyaretalkingsuchalotofwildstuff…yousimplycan’timaginewhatmenwillsay!thoughwhyshouldn’tyouimagine?don’twetalknonsenseourselves?andletthem…that’sthewaytolearnnotto!…waitaminute,i’llfetchzossimov.”

zossimovpounceduponraskolnikovalmostgreedily;heshowedaspecialinterestinhim;soonhisfacebrightened.

“youmustgotobedatonce,”hepronounced,examiningthepatientasfarashecould,“andtakesomethingforthenight.willyoutakeit?igotitreadysometimeago…apowder.”

“two,ifyoulike,”answeredraskolnikov.thepowderwastakenatonce.

“it’sagoodthingyouaretakinghimhome,”observedzossimovtorazumihin—“weshallseehowheisto-morrow,to-dayhe’snotatallamiss—aconsiderablechangesincetheafternoon.liveandlearn…”

“doyouknowwhatzossimovwhisperedtomewhenwewerecomingout?”razumihinblurtedout,assoonastheywereinthestreet.“iwon’ttellyoueverything,brother,becausetheyaresuchfools.zossimovtoldmetotalkfreelytoyouonthewayandgetyoutotalkfreelytome,andafterwardsiamtotellhimaboutit,forhe’sgotanotioninhisheadthatyouare…madorcloseonit.onlyfancy!inthefirstplace,you’vethreetimesthebrainshehas;inthesecond,ifyouarenotmad,youneedn’tcareahangthathehasgotsuchawildidea;andthirdly,thatpieceofbeefwhosespecialtyissurgeryhasgonemadonmentaldiseases,andwhat’sbroughthimtothisconclusionaboutyouwasyourconversationto-daywithzametov.”

“zametovtoldyouallaboutit?”