第210章

第210章inprison,ofcourse,therewasagreatdealhedidnotseeanddidnotwanttosee;helivedasitwerewithdowncasteyes.itwasloathsomeandunbearableforhimtolook.butintheendtherewasmuchthatsurprisedhimandhebegan,asitwereinvoluntarily,tonoticemuchthathehadnotsuspectedbefore.whatsurprisedhimmostofallwastheterribleimpossiblegulfthatlaybetweenhimandalltherest.theyseemedtobeadifferentspecies,andhelookedatthemandtheyathimwithdistrustandhostility.hefeltandknewthereasonsofhisisolation,buthewouldneverhaveadmittedtillthenthatthosereasonsweresodeepandstrong.thereweresomepolishexiles,politicalprisoners,amongthem.theysimplylookeddownuponalltherestasignorantchurls;butraskolnikovcouldnotlookuponthemlikethat.hesawthattheseignorantmenwereinmanyrespectsfarwiserthanthepoles.thereweresomerussianswhowerejustascontemptuous,aformerofficerandtwoseminarists.raskolnikovsawtheirmistakeasclearly.hewasdislikedandavoidedbyeveryone;theyevenbegantohatehimatlast—why,hecouldnottell.menwhohadbeenfarmoreguiltydespisedandlaughedathiscrime.

“you’reagentleman,”theyusedtosay.“youshouldn’thackaboutwithanaxe;that’snotagentleman’swork.”

thesecondweekinlent,histurncametotakethesacramentwithhisgang.hewenttochurchandprayedwiththeothers.aquarrelbrokeoutoneday,hedidnotknowhow.allfellonhimatonceinafury.

“you’reaninfidel!youdon’tbelieveingod,”theyshouted.“yououghttobekilled.”

hehadnevertalkedtothemaboutgodnorhisbelief,buttheywantedtokillhimasaninfidel.hesaidnothing.oneoftheprisonersrushedathiminaperfectfrenzy.raskolnikovawaitedhimcalmlyandsilently;hiseyebrowsdidnotquiver,hisfacedidnotflinch.theguardeededininterveningbetweenhimandhisassailant,ortherewouldhavebeenbloodshed.

therewasanotherquestionhecouldnotdecide:whyweretheyallsofondofsonia?shedidnottrytowintheirfavour;sherarelymetthem,sometimesonlyshecametoseehimatworkforamoment.andyeteverybodyknewher,theyknewthatshehadcomeouttofollowhim,knewhowandwhereshelived.shenevergavethemmoney,didthemnoparticularservices.onlyonceatchristmasshesentthemallpresentsofpiesandrolls.butbydegreescloserrelationssprangupbetweenthemandsonia.shewouldwriteandpostlettersforthemtotheirrelations.relationsoftheprisonerswhovisitedthetown,attheirinstructions,leftwithsoniapresentsandmoneyforthem.theirwivesandsweetheartsknewherandusedtovisither.andwhenshevisitedraskolnikovatwork,ormetapartyoftheprisonersontheroad,theyalltookofftheirhatstoher.“littlemothersofyasemyonovna,youareourdear,goodlittlemother,”coarsebrandedcriminalssaidtothatfraillittlecreature.shewouldsmileandbowtothemandeveryonewasdelightedwhenshesmiled.theyevenadmiredhergaitandturnedroundtowatchherwalking;theyadmiredhertooforbeingsolittle,and,infact,didnotknowwhattoadmirehermostfor.theyevencametoherforhelpintheirillnesses.

hewasinthehospitalfromthemiddleoflenttillaftereaster.whenhewasbetter,herememberedthedreamshehadhadwhilehewasfeverishanddelirious.hedreamtthatthewholeworldwascondemnedtoaterriblenewstrangeplaguethathadcometoeuropefromthedepthsofasia.allweretobedestroyedexceptaveryfewchosen.somenewsortsofmicrobeswereattackingthebodiesofmen,butthesemicrobeswereendowedwithintelligenceandwill.menattackedbythembecameatoncemadandfurious.butneverhadmenconsideredthemselvessointellectualandsocompletelyinpossessionofthetruthasthesesufferers,neverhadtheyconsideredtheirdecisions,theirscientificconclusions,theirmoralconvictionssoinfallible.wholevillages,wholetownsandpeopleswentmadfromtheinfection.allwereexcitedanddidnotunderstandoneanother.eachthoughtthathealonehadthetruthandwaswretchedlookingattheothers,beathimselfonthebreast,wept,andwrunghishands.theydidnotknowhowtojudgeandcouldnotagreewhattoconsiderevilandwhatgood;theydidnotknowwhomtoblame,whomtojustify.menkilledeachotherinasortofsenselessspite.theygatheredtogetherinarmiesagainstoneanother,butevenonthemarchthearmieswouldbeginattackingeachother,therankswouldbebrokenandthesoldierswouldfalloneachother,stabbingandcutting,bitinganddevouringeachother.thealarmbellwasringingalldaylonginthetowns;menrushedtogether,butwhytheyweresummonedandwhowassummoningthemnooneknew.themostordinarytradeswereabandoned,becauseeveryoneproposedhisownideas,hisownimprovements,andtheycouldnotagree.thelandtoowasabandoned.menmetingroups,agreedonsomething,sworetokeeptogether,butatoncebeganonsomethingquitedifferentfromwhattheyhadproposed.theyaccusedoneanother,foughtandkilledeachother.therewereconflagrationsandfamine.allmenandallthingswereinvolvedindestruction.theplaguespreadandmovedfurtherandfurther.onlyafewmencouldbesavedinthewholeworld.theywereapurechosenpeople,destinedtofoundanewraceandanewlife,torenewandpurifytheearth,butnoonehadseenthesemen,noonehadheardtheirwordsandtheirvoices.