第171章

第171章“he’sapoliticalconspirator,there’snotadoubtaboutit,”razumihindecided,asheslowlydescendedthestairs.“andhe’sdrawnhissisterin;that’squite,quiteinkeepingwithavdotyaromanovna’scharacter.thereareinterviewsbetweenthem!…shehintedatittoo…somanyofherwords.…andhints…bearthatmeaning!andhowelsecanallthistanglebeexplained?hm!andiwasalmostthinking…goodheavens,whatithought!yes,itookleaveofmysensesandiwrongedhim!itwashisdoing,underthelampinthecorridorthatday.pfoo!whatacrude,nasty,vileideaonmypart!nikolayisabrick,forconfessing.…andhowclearitallisnow!hisillnessthen,allhisstrangeactions…beforethis,intheuniversity,howmoroseheusedtobe,howgloomy.…butwhat’sthemeaningnowofthatletter?there’ssomethinginthat,too,perhaps.whomwasitfrom?isuspect…!no,imustfindout!”

hethoughtofdounia,realisingallhehadheardandhisheartthrobbed,andhesuddenlybrokeintoarun.

assoonasrazumihinwentout,raskolnikovgotup,turnedtothewindow,walkedintoonecornerandthenintoanother,asthoughforgettingthesmallnessofhisroom,andsatdownagainonthesofa.hefelt,sotospeak,renewed;againthele,soameansofescapehadcome.

“yes,ameansofescapehadcome!ithadbeentoostifling,toocramping,theburdenhadbeentooagonising.alethargyhadcomeuponhimattimes.fromthemomentofthescenewithnikolayatporfiry’shehadbeensuffocating,pennedinwithouthopeofescape.afternikolay’sconfession,onthatverydayhadcomethescenewithsonia;hisbehaviourandhislastwordshadbeenutterlyunlikeanythinghecouldhaveimaginedbeforehand;hehadgrownfeebler,instantlyandfundamentally!andhehadagreedatthetimewithsonia,hehadagreedinhishearthecouldnotgoonlivingalonewithsuchathingonhismind!

“andsvidrigailovwasariddle…heworriedhim,thatwastrue,butsomehownotonthesamepoint.hemightstillhavealetocomewithsvidrigailov.svidrigailov,too,mightbeameansofescape;butporfirywasadifferentmatter.

“andsoporfiryhimselfhadexplainedittorazumihin,hadexplaineditpsychologically.hehadbegunbringinginhisdamnedpsychologyagain!porfiry?buttothinkthatporfiryshouldforonemomentbelievethatnikolaywasguilty,afterwhathadpassedbetweenthembeforenikolay’sappearance,afterthattete-a-teteinterview,whichcouldhaveonlyoneexplanation?(duringthosedaysraskolnikovhadoftenrecalledpassagesinthatscenewithporfiry;hecouldnotbeartolethismindrestonit.)suchwords,suchgestureshadpassedbetweenthem,theyhadexchangedsuchglances,thingshadbeensaidinsuchatoneandhadreachedsuchapass,thatnikolay,whomporfiryhadseenthroughatthefirstword,atthefirstgesture,couldnothaveshakenhisconviction.

“andtothinkthatevenrazumihinhadbeguntosuspect!thesceneinthecorridorunderthelamphadproduceditseffectthen.hehadrushedtoporfiry.…butwhathadinducedthelattertoreceivehimlikethat?whathadbeenhisobjectinputtingrazumihinoffwithnikolay?hemusthavesomeplan;therewassomedesign,butwhatwasit?itwastruethatalongtimehadpassedsincethatmorning—toolongatime—andnosightnorsoundofporfiry.well,thatwasabadsign.…”

raskolnikovtookhiscapandwentoutoftheroom,stillpondering.itwasthefirsttimeforalongwhilethathehadfeltclearinhismind,atleast.“imustsettlesvidrigailov,”hethought,“andassoonaspossible;he,too,seemstobewaitingformetocometohimofmyownaccord.”andatthatmomenttherewassucharushofhateinhiswearyheartthathemighthavekilledeitherofthosetwo—porfiryorsvidrigailov.atleasthefeltthathewouldbecapableofdoingitlater,ifnotnow.

“weshallsee,weshallsee,”herepeatedtohimself.

butnosoonerhadheopenedthedoorthanhestumbleduponporfiryhimselfinthepassage.hewascomingintoseehim.raskolnikovwasdumbfoundedforaminute,butonlyforoneminute.strangetosay,hewasnotverymuchastonishedatseeingporfiryandscarcelyafraidofhim.hewassimplystartled,butwasquickly,instantly,onhisguard.“perhapsthiswillmeantheend?buthowcouldporfiryhaveapproachedsoquietly,likeacat,sothathehadheardnothing?couldhehavebeenlisteningatthedoor?”

“youdidn’texpectavisitor,rodionromanovitch,”porfiryexplained,laughing.“i’vebeenmeaningtolookinalongtime;iwaspassingbyandthoughtwhynotgoinforfiveminutes.areyougoingout?iwon’tkeepyoulong.justletmehaveonecigarette.”

“sitdown,porfirypetrovitch,sitdown.”raskolnikovgavehisvisitoraseatwithsopleasedandfriendlyanexpressionthathewouldhavemarvelledathimself,ifhecouldhaveseenit.

thelastmomenthadcome,thelastdropshadtobedrained!soamanwillsometimesgothroughhalfanhourofmortalterrorwithabrigand,yetwhentheknifeisathisthroatatlast,hefeelsnofear.

raskolnikovseatedhimselfdirectlyfacingporfiry,andlookedathimwithoutflinching.porfiryscreweduphiseyesandbeganlightingacigarette.

“speak,speak,”seemedasthoughitwouldburstfromraskolnikov’sheart.“come,whydon’tyouspeak?”