第176章

第176章“oflife.whatsortofprophetareyou,doyouknowmuchaboutit?seekandyeshallfind.thismaybegod’smeansforbringingyoutohim.andit’snotforever,thebondage.…”

“thetimewillbeshortened,”laughedraskolnikov.

“why,isitthebourgeoisdisgraceyouareafraidof?itmaybethatyouareafraidofitwithoutknowingit,becauseyouareyoung!butanywayyoushouldn’tbeafraidofgivingyourselfupandconfessing.”

“ach,hangit!”raskolnikovwhisperedwithloathingandcontempt,asthoughhedidnotwanttospeakaloud.

hegotupagainasthoughhemeanttogoaway,butsatdownagaininevidentdespair.

“hangit,ifyoulike!you’velostfaithandyouthinkthatiamgrosslyflatteringyou;buthowlonghasyourlifebeen?howmuchdoyouunderstand?youmadeupatheoryandthenwereashamedthatitbrokedownandturnedouttobenotatalloriginal!itturnedoutsomethingbase,that’strue,butyouarenothopelesslybase.bynomeanssobase!atleastyoudidn’tdeceiveyourselfforlong,youwentstraighttothefurthestpointatonebound.howdoiregardyou?iregardyouasoneofthosemenwhowouldstandandsmileattheirtorturerwhilehecutstheirentrailsout,ifonlytheyhavefoundfaithorgod.finditandyouwilllive.youhavelongneededachangeofair.suffering,too,isagoodthing.suffer!maybenikolayisrightinwantingtosuffer.iknowyoudon’tbelieveinit—butdon’tbeover-wise;flingyourselfstraightintolife,withoutdeliberation;don’tbeafraid—thefloodwillbearyoutothebankandsetyousafeonyourfeetagain.whatbank?howcanitell?ionlybelievethatyouhavelonglifebeforeyou.iknowthatyoutakeallmywordsnowforasetspeechpreparedbeforehand,butmaybeyouwillrememberthemafter.theymaybeofusesometime.that’swhyispeak.it’saswellthatyouonlykilledtheoldwoman.ifyou’dinventedanothertheoryyoumightperhapshavedonesomethingathousandtimesmorehideous.yououghttothankgod,perhaps.howdoyouknow?perhapsgodissavingyouforsomething.butkeepagoodheartandhavelessfear!areyouafraidofthegreatexpiationbeforeyou?no,itwouldbeshamefultobeafraidofit.sinceyouhavetakensuchastep,youmusthardenyourheart.thereisjusticeinit.youmustfulfilthedemandsofjustice.iknowthatyoudon’tbelieveit,butindeed,lifewillbringyouthrough.youwillliveitdownintime.whatyouneednowisfreshair,freshair,freshair!”

raskolnikovpositivelystarted.

“butwhoareyou?whatprophetareyou?fromtheheightofwhatmajesticcalmdoyouproclaimthesewordsofwisdom?”