第174章

第174章“andso,rodionromanovitch,canyouwonderthatiplayedsuchpranksonyou?andwhatmadeyoucomeatthatveryminute?someoneseemedtohavesentyou,byjove!andifnikolayhadnotpartedus…anddoyouremembernikolayatthetime?doyourememberhimclearly?itwasathunderbolt,aregularthunderbolt!andhowimethim!ididn’tbelieveinthethunderbolt,notforaminute.youcouldseeitforyourself;andhowcouldi?evenafterwards,whenyouhadgoneandhebeganmakingvery,veryplausibleanswersoncertainpoints,sothatiwassurprisedathimmyself,eventhenididn’tbelievehisstory!youseewhatitistobeasfirmasarock!no,thoughti,morgenfruh.whathasnikolaygottodowithit!”

“razumihintoldmejustnowthatyouthinknikolayguiltyandhadyourselfassuredhimofit.…”

hisvoicefailedhim,andhebrokeoff.hehadbeenlisteninginindescribableagitation,asthismanwhohadseenthroughandthroughhim,wentbackuponhimself.hewasafraidofbelievingitanddidnotbelieveit.inthosestillambiguouswordshekepteagerlylookingforsomethingmoredefiniteandconclusive.

“mr.razumihin!”criedporfirypetrovitch,seeminggladofaquestionfromraskolnikov,whohadtillthenbeensilent.“he-he-he!butihadtoputmr.razumihinoff;twoiscompany,threeisnone.mr.razumihinisnottherightman,besidesheisanoutsider.hecamerunningtomewithapaleface.…butnevermindhim,whybringhimin?toreturntonikolay,wouldyouliketoknowwhatsortofatypeheis,howiunderstandhim,thatis?tobeginwith,heisstillachildandnotexactlyacoward,butsomethingbywayofanartist.really,don’tlaughatmydescribinghimso.heisinnocentandresponsivetoinfluence.hehasaheart,andisafantasticfellow.hesingsanddances,hetellsstories,theysay,sothatpeoplecomefromothervillagestohearhim.heattendsschooltoo,andlaughstillhecriesifyouholdupafingertohim;hewilldrinkhimselfsenseless—notasaregularvice,butattimes,whenpeopletreathim,likeachild.andhestole,too,then,withoutknowingithimself,for‘howcanitbestealing,ifonepicksitup?’anddoyouknowheisanoldbeliever,orratheradissenter?therehavebeenwanderers1inhisfamily,andhewasfortwoyearsinhisvillageunderthespiritualguidanceofacertainelder.ilearntallthisfromnikolayandfromhisfellowvillagers.andwhat’smore,hewantedtorunintothewilderness!hewasfulloffervour,prayedatnight,readtheoldbooks,‘thetrue’ones,andreadhimselfcrazy.

“petersburghadagreateffectuponhim,especiallythewomenandthewine.herespondstoeverythingandheforgottheelderandallthat.ilearntthatanartistheretookafancytohim,andusedtogoandseehim,andnowthisbusinesscameuponhim.

“well,hewasfrightened,hetriedtohanghimself!heranaway!howcanonegetovertheideathepeoplehaveofrussianlegalproceedings?theveryword‘trial’frightenssomeofthem.whosefaultisit?weshallseewhatthenewjurieswilldo.godgranttheydogood!well,inprison,itseems,herememberedthevenerableelder;thebible,too,madeitsappearanceagain.doyouknow,rodionromanovitch,theforceoftheword‘suffering’amongsomeofthesepeople!it’snotaquestionofsufferingforsomeone’sbenefit,butsimply,‘onemustsuffer.’iftheysufferatthehandsoftheauthorities,somuchthebetter.inmytimetherewasaverymeekandmildprisonerwhospentawholeyearinprisonalwaysreadinghisbibleonthestoveatnightandhereadhimselfcrazy,andsocrazy,doyouknow,thatoneday,aproposofnothing,heseizedabrickandflungitatthegovernor;thoughhehaddonehimnoharm.andthewayhethrewittoo:aimeditayardononesideonpurpose,forfearofhurtinghim.well,weknowwhathappenstoaprisonerwhoassaultsanofficerwithaweapon.so‘hetookhissuffering.’

“soisuspectnowthatnikolaywantstotakehissufferingorsomethingofthesort.iknowitforcertainfromfacts,indeed.onlyhedoesn’tknowthatiknow.what,youdon’tadmitthattherearesuchfantasticpeopleamongthepeasants?lotsofthem.theeldernowhasbeguninfluencinghim,especiallysincehetriedtohanghimself.buthe’llcomeandtellmeallhimself.youthinkhe’llholdout?waitabit,he’lltakehiswordsback.iamwaitingfromhourtohourforhimtocomeandabjurehisevidence.ihavecometolikethatnikolayandamstudyinghimindetail.andwhatdoyouthink?he-he!heansweredmeveryplausiblyonsomepoints,heobviouslyhadcollectedsomeevidenceandpreparedhimselfcleverly.butonotherpointsheissimplyatsea,knowsnothinganddoesn’tevensuspectthathedoesn’tknow!

“no,rodionromanovitch,nikolaydoesn’tcomein!thisisafantastic,gloomybusiness,amoderncase,anincidentofto-daywhentheheartofmanistroubled,whenthephraseisquotedthatblood‘renews,’whencomfortispreachedastheaimoflife.herewehavebookishdreams,aheartunhingedbytheories.hereweseeresolutioninthefirststage,butresolutionofaspecialkind:heresolvedtodoitlikejumpingoveraprecipiceorfromabelltowerandhislegsshookashewenttothecrime.heforgottoshutthedoorafterhim,andmurderedtwopeopleforatheory.hecommittedthemurderandcouldn’ttakethemoney,andwhathedidmanagetosnatchuphehidunderastone.itwasn’tenoughforhimtosufferagonybehindthedoorwhiletheybatteredatthedoorandrungthebell,no,hehadtogototheemptylodging,halfdelirious,torecallthebell-ringing,hewantedtofeelthecoldshiveroveragain.…well,thatwegrant,wasthroughillness,butconsiderthis:heisamurderer,butlooksuponhimselfasanhonestman,despisesothers,posesasinjuredinnocence.no,that’snottheworkofanikolay,mydearrodionromanovitch!”

allthathadbeensaidbeforehadsoundedsolikearecantationthatthesewordsweretoogreatashock.raskolnikovshudderedasthoughhehadbeenstabbed.