第131章

第131章“no,iseeyoudon’tbelieveme,youthinkiamplayingaharmlessjokeonyou,”porfirybeganagain,gettingmoreandmorelively,chucklingateveryinstantandagainpacingroundtheroom.“andtobesureyou’reright:godhasgivenmeafigurethatcanawakennonebutcomicideasinotherpeople;abuffoon;butletmetellyou,andirepeatit,excuseanoldman,mydearrodionromanovitch,youareamanstillyoung,sotosay,inyourfirstyouthandsoyouputintellectaboveeverything,likeallyoungpeople.playfulwitandabstractargumentsfascinateyouandthat’sforalltheworldliketheoldaustrianhof-kriegsrath,asfarasicanjudgeofmilitarymatters,thatis:onpaperthey’dbeatennapoleonandtakenhimprisoner,andthereintheirstudytheyworkeditalloutinthecleverestfashion,butlookyou,generalmacksurrenderedwithallhisarmy,he-he-he!isee,isee,rodionromanovitch,youarelaughingatacivilianlikeme,takingexamplesoutofmilitaryhistory!butican’thelpit,it’smyweakness.iamfondofmilitaryscience.andi’meversofondofreadingallmilitaryhistories.i’vecertainlymissedmypropercareer.ioughttohavebeeninthearmy,uponmywordiought.ishouldn’thavebeenanapoleon,butimighthavebeenamajor,he-he!well,i’lltellyouthewholetruth,mydearfellow,aboutthisspecialcase,imean:actualfactandaman’stemperament,mydearsir,areweightymattersandit’sastonishinghowtheysometimesdeceivethesharpestcalculation!i—listentoanoldman—amspeakingseriously,rodionromanovitch”(ashesaidthisporfirypetrovitch,whowasscarcelyfive-and-thirty,actuallyseemedtohavegrownold;evenhisvoicechangedandheseemedtoshrinktogether)“moreover,i’macandidman…amiacandidmanornot?whatdoyousay?ifancyireallyam:itellyouthesethingsfornothinganddon’tevenexpectarewardforit,he-he!well,toproceed,witinmyopinionisasplendidthing,itis,sotosay,anadornmentofnatureandaconsolationoflife,andwhattricksitcanplay!sothatitsometimesishardforapoorexamininglawyertoknowwhereheis,especiallywhenhe’sliabletobecarriedawaybyhisownfancy,too,foryouknowheisamanafterall!butthepoorfellowissavedbythecriminal’stemperament,worseluckforhim!butyoungpeoplecarriedawaybytheirownwitdon’tthinkofthat‘whentheyoverstepallobstacles,’asyouwittilyandcleverlyexpressedityesterday.hewilllie—thatis,themanwhoisaspecialcase,theincognito,andhewillliewell,inthecleverestfashion;youmightthinkhewouldtriumphandenjoythefruitsofhiswit,butatthemostinteresting,themostflagrantmomenthewillfaint.ofcoursetheremaybeillnessandastuffyroomaswell,butanyway!anywayhe’sgivenustheidea!heliedincomparably,buthedidn’treckononhistemperament.that’swhatbetrayshim!anothertimehewillbecarriedawaybyhisplayfulwitintomakingfunofthemanwhosuspectshim,hewillturnpaleasitwereonpurposetomislead,buthispalenesswillbetoonatural,toomuchliketherealthing,againhehasgivenusanidea!thoughhisquestionermaybedeceivedatfirst,hewillthinkdifferentlynextdayifheisnotafool,and,ofcourse,itislikethatateverystep!heputshimselfforwardwhereheisnotwanted,speakscontinuallywhenheoughttokeepsilent,bringsinallsortsofallegoricalallusions,he-he!comesandaskswhydidn’tyoutakemelongago?he-he-he!andthatcanhappen,youknow,withthecleverestman,thepsychologist,theliteraryman.thetemperamentreflectseverythinglikeamirror!gazeintoitandadmirewhatyousee!butwhyareyousopale,rodionromanovitch?istheroomstuffy?shalliopenthewindow?”

“oh,don’ttrouble,please,”criedraskolnikovandhesuddenlybrokeintoalaugh.“pleasedon’ttrouble.”

porfirystoodfacinghim,pausedamomentandsuddenlyhetoolaughed.raskolnikovgotupfromthesofa,abruptlycheckinghishystericallaughter.

“porfirypetrovitch,”hebegan,speakingloudlyanddistinctly,thoughhislegstrembledandhecouldscarcelystand.“iseeclearlyatlastthatyouactuallysuspectmeofmurderingthatoldwomanandhersisterlizaveta.letmetellyouformypartthatiamsickofthis.ifyoufindthatyouhavearighttoprosecutemelegally,toarrestme,thenprosecuteme,arrestme.butiwillnotletmyselfbejeeredattomyfaceandworried…”

hislipstrembled,hiseyesglowedwithfuryandhecouldnotrestrainhisvoice.

“iwon’tallowit!”heshouted,bringinghisfistdownonthetable.“doyouhearthat,porfirypetrovitch?iwon’tallowit.”

“goodheavens!whatdoesitmean?”criedporfirypetrovitch,apparentlyquitefrightened.“rodionromanovitch,mydearfellow,whatisthematterwithyou?”

“iwon’tallowit,”raskolnikovshoutedagain.

“hush,mydearman!they’llhearandcomein.justthink,whatcouldwesaytothem?”porfirypetrovitchwhisperedinhorror,bringinghisfaceclosetoraskolnikov’s.

“iwon’tallowit,iwon’tallowit,”raskolnikovrepeatedmechanically,buthetoospokeinasuddenwhisper.

porfiryturnedquicklyandrantoopenthewindow.

“somefreshair!andyoumusthavesomewater,mydearfellow.you’reill!”andhewasrunningtothedoortocallforsomewhenhefoundadecanterofwaterinthecorner.“come,drinkalittle,”hewhispered,rushinguptohimwiththedecanter.“itwillbesuretodoyougood.”

porfirypetrovitch’salarmandsympathyweresonaturalthatraskolnikovwassilentandbeganlookingathimwithwildcuriosity.hedidnottakethewater,however.

“rodionromanovitch,mydearfellow,you’lldriveyourselfoutofyourmind,iassureyou,ach,ach!havesomewater,dodrinkalittle.”

heforcedhimtotaketheglass.raskolnikovraiseditmechanicallytohislips,butsetitonthetableagainwithdisgust.