第132章

第132章“yes,you’vehadalittleattack!you’llbringbackyourillnessagain,mydearfellow,”porfirypetrovitchcackledwithfriendlysympathy,thoughhestilllookedratherdisconcerted.“goodheavens,youmusttakemorecareofyourself!dmitriprokofitchwashere,cametoseemeyesterday—iknow,iknow,i’veanasty,ironicaltemper,butwhattheymadeofit!…goodheavens,hecameyesterdayafteryou’dbeen.wedinedandhetalkedandtalkedaway,andicouldonlythrowupmyhandsindespair!didhecomefromyou?butdositdown,formercy’ssake,sitdown!”

“no,notfromme,butiknewhewenttoyouandwhyhewent,”raskolnikovansweredsharply.

“youknew?”

“iknew.whatofit?”

“whythis,rodionromanovitch,thatiknowmorethanthataboutyou;iknowabouteverything.iknowhowyouwenttotakeaflatatnightwhenitwasdarkandhowyourangthebellandaskedabouttheblood,sothattheworkmenandtheporterdidnotknowwhattomakeofit.yes,iunderstandyourstateofmindatthattime…butyou’lldriveyourselfmadlikethat,uponmyword!you’llloseyourhead!you’refullofgenerousindignationatthewrongsyou’vereceived,firstfromdestiny,andthenfromthepoliceofficers,andsoyourushfromonethingtoanothertoforcethemtospeakoutandmakeanendofitall,becauseyouaresickofallthissuspicionandfoolishness.that’sso,isn’tit?ihaveguessedhowyoufeel,haven’ti?onlyinthatwayyou’llloseyourheadandrazumihin’s,too;he’stoogoodamanforsuchaposition,youmustknowthat.youareillandheisgoodandyourillnessisinfectiousforhim…i’lltellyouaboutitwhenyouaremoreyourself.…butdositdown,forgoodness’sake.pleaserest,youlookshocking,dositdown.”

raskolnikovsatdown;henolongershivered,hewashotallover.inamazementhelistenedwithstrainedattentiontoporfirypetrovitchwhostillseemedfrightenedashelookedafterhimwithfriendlysolicitude.buthedidnotbelieveawordhesaid,thoughhefeltastrangeinclinationtobelieve.porfiry’sunexpectedwordsabouttheflathadutterlyoverwhelmedhim.“howcanitbe,heknowsabouttheflatthen,”hethoughtsuddenly,“andhetellsitmehimself!”

“yes,inourlegalpracticetherewasacasealmostexactlysimilar,acaseofmorbidpsychology,”porfirywentonquickly.“amanconfessedtomurderandhowhekeptitup!itwasaregularhallucination;hebroughtforwardfacts,heimposeduponeveryoneandwhy?hehadbeenpartly,butonlypartly,unintentionallythecauseofamurderandwhenheknewthathehadgiventhemurdererstheopportunity,hesankintodejection,itgotonhismindandturnedhisbrain,hebeganimaginingthingsandhepersuadedhimselfthathewasthemurderer.butatlastthehighcourtofappealwentintoitandthepoorfellowwasacquittedandputunderpropercare.thankstothecourtofappeal!tut-tut-tut!why,mydearfellow,youmaydriveyourselfintodeliriumifyouhavetheimpulsetoworkuponyournerves,togoringingbellsatnightandaskingaboutblood!i’vestudiedallthismorbidpsychologyinmypractice.amanissometimestemptedtojumpoutofawindoworfromabelfry.justthesamewithbell-ringing.…it’sallillness,rodionromanovitch!youhavebeguntoneglectyourillness.youshouldconsultanexperienceddoctor,what’sthegoodofthatfatfellow?youarelightheaded!youweredeliriouswhenyoudidallthis!”

foramomentraskolnikovfelteverythinggoinground.

“isitpossible,isitpossible,”flashedthroughhismind,“thatheisstilllying?hecan’tbe,hecan’tbe.”herejectedthatidea,feelingtowhatadegreeoffuryitmightdrivehim,feelingthatthatfurymightdrivehimmad.

“iwasnotdelirious.iknewwhatiwasdoing,”hecried,strainingeveryfacultytopenetrateporfiry’sgame,“iwasquitemyself,doyouhear?”

“yes,ihearandunderstand.yousaidyesterdayyouwerenotdelirious,youwereparticularlyemphaticaboutit!iunderstandallyoucantellme!a-ach!…listen,rodionromanovitch,mydearfellow.ifyouwereactuallyacriminal,orweresomehowmixedupinthisdamnablebusiness,wouldyouinsistthatyouwerenotdeliriousbutinfullpossessionofyourfaculties?andsoemphaticallyandpersistently?woulditbepossible?quiteimpossible,tomythinking.ifyouhadanythingonyourconscience,youcertainlyoughttoinsistthatyouweredelirious.that’sso,isn’tit?”

therewasanoteofslynessinthisinquiry.raskolnikovdrewbackonthesofaasporfirybentoverhimandstaredinsilentperplexityathim.

“anotherthingaboutrazumihin—youcertainlyoughttohavesaidthathecameofhisownaccord,tohaveconcealedyourpartinit!butyoudon’tconcealit!youlaystressonhiscomingatyourinstigation.”

raskolnikovhadnotdoneso.achillwentdownhisback.

“youkeeptellinglies,”hesaidslowlyandweakly,twistinghislipsintoasicklysmile,“youaretryingagaintoshowthatyouknowallmygame,thatyouknowallishallsaybeforehand,”hesaid,conscioushimselfthathewasnotweighinghiswordsasheought.“youwanttofrightenme…oryouaresimplylaughingatme…”

hestillstaredathimashesaidthisandagaintherewasalightofintensehatredinhiseyes.

“youkeeplying,”hesaid.“youknowperfectlywellthatthebestpolicyforthecriminalistotellthetruthasnearlyaspossible…toconcealaslittleaspossible.idon’tbelieveyou!”

“whatawilypersonyouare!”porfirytittered,“there’snocatchingyou;you’veaperfectmonomania.soyoudon’tbelieveme?butstillyoudobelieveme,youbelieveaquarter;i’llsoonmakeyoubelievethewhole,becauseihaveasincerelikingforyouandgenuinelywishyougood.”

raskolnikov’slipstrembled.

“yes,ido,”wentonporfiry,touchingraskolnikov’sarmgenially,“youmusttakecareofyourillness.besides,yourmotherandsisterareherenow;youmustthinkofthem.youmustsootheandcomfortthemandyoudonothingbutfrightenthem…”