第124章 - 罪与罚 - 佚名 - 都市言情小说 - 30读书
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第124章

第124章“butcanthatbetrue?”hecriedtohimself.“canthatcreaturewhohasstillpreservedthepurityofherspiritbeconsciouslydrawnatlastintothatsinkoffilthandiniquity?cantheprocessalreadyhavebegun?canitbethatshehasonlybeenabletobearittillnow,becausevicehasbeguntobelessloathsometoher?no,no,thatcannotbe!”hecried,assoniahadjustbefore.“no,whathaskeptherfromthecanaltillnowistheideaofsinandthey,thechildren.…andifshehasnotgoneoutofhermind…butwhosaysshehasnotgoneoutofhermind?issheinhersenses?canonetalk,canonereasonasshedoes?howcanshesitontheedgeoftheabyssofloathsomenessintowhichsheisslippingandrefusetolistenwhensheistoldofdanger?doessheexpectamiracle?nodoubtshedoes.doesn’tthatallmeanmadness?”

hestayedobstinatelyatthatthought.helikedthatexplanationindeedbetterthananyother.hebeganlookingmoreintentlyather.

“soyoupraytogodagreatdeal,sonia?”heaskedher.

soniadidnotspeak;hestoodbesideherwaitingforananswer.

“whatshouldibewithoutgod?”shewhisperedrapidly,forcibly,glancingathimwithsuddenlyflashingeyes,andsqueezinghishand.

“ah,sothatisit!”hethought.

“andwhatdoesgoddoforyou?”heasked,probingherfurther.

soniawassilentalongwhile,asthoughshecouldnotanswer.herweakchestkeptheavingwithemotion.

“besilent!don’task!youdon’tdeserve!”shecriedsuddenly,lookingsternlyandwrathfullyathim.

“that’sit,that’sit,”herepeatedtohimself.

“hedoeseverything,”shewhisperedquickly,lookingdownagain.

“that’sthewayout!that’stheexplanation,”hedecided,scrutinisingherwitheagercuriosity,withanew,strange,almostmorbidfeeling.hegazedatthatpale,thin,irregular,angularlittleface,thosesoftblueeyes,whichcouldflashwithsuchfire,suchsternenergy,thatlittlebodystillshakingwithindignationandanger—anditallseemedtohimmoreandmorestrange,almostimpossible.“sheisareligiousmaniac!”herepeatedtohimself.

therewasabooklyingonthechestofdrawers.hehadnoticediteverytimehepacedupanddowntheroom.nowhetookitupandlookedatit.itwasthenewtestamentintherussiantranslation.itwasboundinleather,oldandworn.

“wheredidyougetthat?”hecalledtoheracrosstheroom.

shewasstillstandinginthesameplace,threestepsfromthetable.

“itwasbroughtme,”sheanswered,asitwereunwillingly,notlookingathim.

“whobroughtit?”

“lizaveta,iaskedherforit.”

“lizaveta!strange!”hethought.

everythingaboutsoniaseemedtohimstrangerandmorewonderfuleverymoment.hecarriedthebooktothecandleandbegantoturnoverthepages.

“whereisthestoryoflazarus?”heaskedsuddenly.

sonialookedobstinatelyatthegroundandwouldnotanswer.shewasstandingsidewaystothetable.

“whereistheraisingoflazarus?finditforme,sonia.”

shestoleaglanceathim.

“youarenotlookingintherightplace.…it’sinthefourthgospel,”shewhisperedsternly,withoutlookingathim.

“finditandreadittome,”hesaid.hesatdownwithhiselbowonthetable,leanedhisheadonhishandandlookedawaysullenly,preparedtolisten.

“inthreeweeks’timethey’llwelcomemeinthemadhouse!ishallbethereifiamnotinaworseplace,”hemutteredtohimself.

soniaheardraskolnikov’srequestdistrustfullyandmovedhesitatinglytothetable.shetookthebookhowever.

“haven’tyoureadit?”sheasked,lookingupathimacrossthetable.

hervoicebecamesternerandsterner.

“longago.…wheniwasatschool.read!”

“andhaven’tyouhearditinchurch?”

“i…haven’tbeen.doyouoftengo?”

“n-no,”whisperedsonia.

raskolnikovsmiled.

“iunderstand.…andyouwon’tgotoyourfather’sfuneralto-morrow?”

“yes,ishall.iwasatchurchlastweek,too…ihadarequiemservice.”

“forwhom?”

“forlizaveta.shewaskilledwithanaxe.”

hisnervesweremoreandmorestrained.hisheadbegantogoround.

“wereyoufriendswithlizaveta?”

“yes.…shewasgood…sheusedtocome…notoften…shecouldn’t.…weusedtoreadtogetherand…talk.shewillseegod.”

thelastphrasesoundedstrangeinhisears.andherewassomethingnewagain:themysteriousmeetingswithlizavetaandbothofthem—religiousmaniacs.

“ishallbeareligiousmaniacmyselfsoon!it’sinfectious!”

“read!”hecriedirritablyandinsistently.

soniastillhesitated.herheartwasthrobbing.shehardlydaredtoreadtohim.helookedalmostwithexasperationatthe“unhappylunatic.”

“whatfor?youdon’tbelieve?…”shewhisperedsoftlyandasitwerebreathlessly.

“read!iwantyouto,”hepersisted.“youusedtoreadtolizaveta.”

soniaopenedthebookandfoundtheplace.herhandswereshaking,hervoicefailedher.twiceshetriedtobeginandcouldnotbringoutthefirstsyllable.

“nowacertainmanwassicknamedlazarusofbethany…”sheforcedherselfatlasttoread,butatthethirdwordhervoicebrokelikeanoverstrainedstring.therewasacatchinherbreath.

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