第18章

第18章hismother’sletterhadbeenatorturetohim,butasregardsthechieffactinit,hehadfeltnotonemoment’shesitation,evenwhilsthewasreadingtheletter.theessentialquestionwassettled,andirrevocablysettled,inhismind:“neversuchamarriagewhileiamaliveandmr.luzhinbedamned!”“thethingisperfectlyclear,”hemutteredtohimself,withamalignantsmileanticipatingthetriumphofhisdecision.“no,mother,no,dounia,youwon’tdeceiveme!andthentheyapologisefornotaskingmyadviceandfortakingthedecisionwithoutme!idaresay!theyimagineitisarrangednowandcan’tbebrokenoff;butwewillseewhetheritcanornot!amagnificentexcuse:‘pyotrpetrovitchissuchabusymanthatevenhisweddinghastobeinpost-haste,almostbyexpress.’no,dounia,iseeitallandiknowwhatyouwanttosaytome;andiknowtoowhatyouwerethinkingabout,whenyouwalkedupanddownallnight,andwhatyourprayerswerelikebeforetheholymotherofkazanwhostandsinmother’sbedroom.bitteristheascenttogolgotha.…hm…soitisfinallysettled;youhavedeterminedtomarryasensiblebusinessman,avdotyaromanovna,onewhohasafortune(hasalreadymadehisfortune,thatissomuchmoresolidandimpressive)amanwhoholdstwogovernmentpostsandwhosharestheideasofourmostrisinggeneration,asmotherwrites,andwhoseemstobekind,asdouniaherselfobserves.thatseemsbeatseverything!andthatverydouniaforthatvery‘seems’ismarryinghim!splendid!splendid!

“…butishouldliketoknowwhymotherhaswrittentomeabout‘ourmostrisinggeneration’?simplyasadescriptivetouch,orwiththeideaofprepossessingmeinfavourofmr.luzhin?oh,thecunningofthem!ishouldliketoknowonethingmore:howfartheywereopenwithoneanotherthatdayandnightandallthistimesince?wasitallputintowords,ordidbothunderstandthattheyhadthesamethingatheartandintheirminds,sothattherewasnoneedtospeakofitaloud,andbetternottospeakofit.mostlikelyitwaspartlylikethat,frommother’sletterit’sevident:hestruckherasrudealittle,andmotherinhersimplicitytookherobservationstodounia.andshewassuretobevexedand‘answeredherangrily.’ishouldthinkso!whowouldnotbeangeredwhenitwasquiteclearwithoutanynaivequestionsandwhenitwasunderstoodthatitwasuselesstodiscussit.andwhydoesshewritetome,‘lovedounia,rodya,andshelovesyoumorethanherself’?hassheasecretconscience-prickatsacrificingherdaughtertoherson?‘youareouronecomfort,youareeverythingtous.’oh,mother!”

hisbitternessgrewmoreandmoreintense,andifhehadhappenedtomeetmr.luzhinatthemoment,hemighthavemurderedhim.

“hm…yes,that’strue,”hecontinued,pursuingthewhirlingideasthatchasedeachotherinhisbrain,“itistruethat‘itneedstimeandcaretogettoknowaman,’butthereisnomistakeaboutmr.luzhin.thechiefthingisheis‘amanofbusinessandseemskind,’thatwassomething,wasn’tit,tosendthebagsandbigboxforthem!akindman,nodoubtafterthat!buthisbrideandhermotheraretodriveinapeasant’scartcoveredwithsacking(iknow,ihavebeendriveninit).nomatter!itisonlyninetyverstsandthentheycan‘travelverycomfortably,thirdclass,’forathousandversts!quiteright,too.onemustcutone’scoataccordingtoone’scloth,butwhataboutyou,mr.luzhin?sheisyourbride.…andyoumustbeawarethathermotherhastoraisemoneyonherpensionforthejourney.tobesureit’samatterofbusiness,apartnershipformutualbenefit,withequalsharesandexpenses;—foodanddrinkprovided,butpayforyouro.thebusinessmanhasgotthebetterofthem,too.theagewillcostlessthantheirfaresandverylikelygofornothing.howisitthattheydon’tbothseeallthat,orisitthattheydon’twanttosee?andtheyarepleased,pleased!andtothinkthatthisisonlythefirstblossoming,andthattherealfruitsaretocome!butwhatreallymattersisnotthestinginess,isnotthemeanness,butthetoneofthewholething.forthatwillbethetoneaftermarriage,it’saforetasteofit.andmothertoo,whyshouldshebesolavish?whatwillshehavebythetimeshegetstopetersburg?threesilverroublesortwo‘paperones’asshesays.…thatoldwoman…hm.whatdoessheexpecttoliveuponinpetersburgafterwards?shehasherreasonsalreadyforguessingthatshecouldnotlivewithdouniaafterthemarriage,evenforthefirstfewmonths.thegoodmanhasnodoubtletslipsomethingonthatsubjectalso,thoughmotherwoulddenyit:‘ishallrefuse,’saysshe.onwhomisshereckoningthen?isshecountingonwhatisleftofherhundredandtwentyroublesofpensionwhenafanasyivanovitch’sdebtispaid?sheknitswoollenshawlsandembroiderscuffs,ruiningheroldeyes.andallhershawlsdon’taddmorethantwentyroublesayeartoherhundredandtwenty,iknowthat.sosheisbuildingallherhopesallthetimeonmr.luzhin’sgenerosity;‘hewillofferitofhimself,hewillpressitonme.’youmaywaitalongtimeforthat!that’showitalwaysiswiththeseschilleresquenoblehearts;tillthelastmomenteverygooseisaswanwiththem,tillthelastmoment,theyhopeforthebestandwillseenothingwrong,andalthoughtheyhaveaninklingoftheothersideofthepicture,yettheywon’tfacethetruthtilltheyareforcedto;theverythoughtofitmakesthemshiver;theythrustthetruthawaywithbothhands,untilthemantheydeckoutinfalsecoloursputsafool’scaponthemwithhisownhands.ishouldliketoknowwhethermr.luzhinhasanyordersofmerit;ibethehastheannainhisbuttonholeandthatheputsitonwhenhegoestodinewithcontractorsormerchants.hewillbesuretohaveitforhiswedding,too!enoughofhim,confoundhim!