第567章

第567章“shemustbeamarvellousgirl！anangel,really！”hesaidtohimself.“whyaminotfree？whywasiinsuchahurrywithsonya？”andinvoluntarilyhecomparedthetwo：thepovertyoftheoneandthewealthoftheotherinthosespiritualgifts,whichnikolaywashimselfwithoutandthereforeprizedsohighly.hetriedtopicturewhatwouldhavehappenedifhehadbeenfree,andinwhatwayhewouldhavemadeheranofferandshewouldhavebecomehiswife.no,hecouldnotimaginethat.afeelingofdreadcameoverhimandthatpicturewouldtakenodefiniteshape.withsonyahehadlongagomadehispictureofthefuture,anditwasallsosimpleandclear,justbecauseitwasallmadeupandheknewalltherewasinsonya.butwithprincessmaryahecouldnotpicturehisfuturelife,becausehedidnotunderstandher—hesimplylovedher.

therewassomethinglight-hearted,somethingofchild’splayinhisdreamsofsonya.buttodreamofprincessmaryawasdifficultandalittleterrible.

“howshewaspraying！”hethought.“onecouldseethatherwholesoulwasinherprayer.yes,itwasthatprayerthatmovesmountains,andiamconvincedthatherprayerwillbeanswered.whydon’tiprayforwhatiwant？”hebethoughthimself.“whatdoiwant？freedom,releasefromsonya.shewasright,”hethoughtofwhatthegovernor’swifehadsaid,“nothingbutmiserycancomeofmymarryingher.muddle,mamma’sgrief…ourposition…amuddle,afearfulmuddle！besides,idon’tevenloveher.no,idon’tloveherintherightway.mygod！takemeoutofthisawful,hopelessposition！”hebeganprayingallatonce.“yes,prayerwillmovemountains,butonemustbelieve,andnotpray,asnatashaandiprayedaschildrenforthesnowtoturnintosugar,andthenranoutintotheyardtotrywhetherithadbecomesugar.no;butiamnotprayingfortriflesnow,”hesaid,puttinghispipedowninthecornerandstandingwithclaspedhandsbeforetheholypicture.andsoftenedbythethoughtofprincessmarya,hebegantoprayashehadnotprayedforalongwhile.hehadtearsinhiseyesandalumpinhisthroatwhenlavrushkacameinatthedoorwithpapers.

“blockhead！burstinginwhenyou’renotwanted！”saidnikolay,quicklychanginghisattitude.

“acourierhascome,”saidlavrushkainasleepyvoice,“fromthegovernor,aletterforyou.”

“oh,verywell,thanks,youcango！”

nikolaytookthetwoletters.onewasfromhismother,theotherfromsonya.heknewthemfromthehandwriting,andbrokeopensonya’sletterfirst.hehadhardlyreadafewlineswhenhisfaceturnedwhiteandhiseyesopenedwideindismayandjoy.“no,it’snotpossible！”hesaidaloud.unabletositstill,hebeganwalkingtoandfrointheroom,holdingtheletterinbothhandsashereadit.heskimmedthroughtheletter,thenreaditthroughonceandagain,andinghisshouldersandflinginguphishands,hestoodstillinthemiddleoftheroomwithwide-openmouthandstaringeyes.whathehadjustbeenprayingforwiththeassurancethatgodwouldanswerhisprayerhadcometopass;butnikolaywasastoundedatitasthoughitweresomethingextraordinary,andasthoughhehadnotexpectedit,andasthoughtheveryfactofitscomingtopasssoquicklyprovedthatithadnotcomefromgod,towhomhehadbeenpraying,butwassomeordinarycoincidence.

theknotfasteninghisfreedom,thathadseemedsoimpossibletodisentangle,hadbeenundonebythisunexpectedand,asitseemedtonikolay,uncalled-forletterfromsonya.shewrotethattheirlatemisfortunes,thelossofalmostthewholeoftherostovs’propertyinmoscow,andthecountess’sfrequentlyexpresseddesirethatnikolayshouldmarryprincessbolkonsky,andhissilenceandcoldnessoflate,alltakentogetherledhertodecidetosethimfreefromhispromise,andtogivehimbackcompleteliberty.

“itwouldbetoopainfultometothinkthaticouldbeacauseofsorrowanddiscordinthefamilywhichhasoverwhelmedmewithbenefits,”shewrote;“andtheoneaimofmyloveisthehappinessofthoseilove,andthereforeibeseechyou,nicolas,toconsideryourselffree,andtoknowthatinspiteofeverything,noonecanloveyoumoretrulythanyour—sonya.”

bothletterswerefromtroitsa.theotherletterwasfromthecountess.itdescribedthelastdaysinmoscow,thedeparture,thefireandthelossofthewholeoftheirproperty.thecountesswrotetoothatprinceandreyhadbeenamongthetrainofwoundedsoldierswhohadtravelledwiththem.hewasstillinaverycriticalcondition,butthatthedoctorsaidnowthattherewasmorehope.sonyaandnatashawerenursinghim.

withthisletternikolaywentnextdaytocallonprincessmarya.neithernikolaynorprincessmaryasaidawordastoallthatwasimpliedbythewords：“natashaisnursinghim”;butthankstothisletter,nikolaywasbroughtsuddenlyintointimaterelations,almostthoseofakinsmanwiththeprincess.

nextdayrostovescortedprincessmaryaasfarasyaroslavl,andafewdayslaterhesetoffhimselftojoinhisregiment.