第392章

第392章towardstheendofst.peter’sfast,agrafenaivanovnabyelov,acountryneighbouroftherostovs,cametomoscowtopayherdevotionstothesaintsthere.sheestedtonatashathatsheshouldprepareherselfforthesacrament,andnatashacaughteagerlyattheestion.althoughthedoctorsforbadehergoingoutearlyinthemorning,natashainsistedonkeepingthefast,andnotsimplyasitwaskeptintherostovs’household,bytakingpartinthreeservicesinthehouse,butkeepingitasagrafenaivanovawasdoing,thatistosay,forawholeweek,notmissingasingleearlymorningservice,orlitany,orvesper.

thecountesswaspleasedatthesesignsofreligiousfervourinnatasha.afterthepoorresultsofmedicaltreatment,atthebottomofherheartshehopedthatprayerwoulddomoreforherthanmedicine;andthoughsheconcealeditfromthedoctorsandhadsomeinwardmisgivings,shefellinwithnatasha’swishes,andintrustedhertomadamebyelov.

agrafenaivanovnawentintowakenatashaatthreeo’clockinthenight,andfrequentlyfoundhernotasleep.natashawasafraidofsleepingtoolatefortheearlymorningservice.hurriedlywashing,andinallhumilityputtingonhershabbiestdressandoldmantle,natasha,shudderingatthechillair,wentoutintothedesertedstreets,inthelimpidlightoftheearlydawn.bytheadviceofagrafenaivanovna,natashadidnotattendtheservicesofherownparishchurch,butwenttoachurchwherethepriestwasesteemedbythedevoutmadamebyelovasbeingofaparticularlysevereandexemplarylife.therewerefewpeopleinthechurch.natashaandmadamebyelovalwaystookthesameseatbeforeanimageofthemotherofgod,carvedatthebackoftheleftchoir;andanewfeelingofhumilitybeforethegreatmysterycameovernatasha,asatthatunusualhourinthemorningshegazedattheblackoutlineofthemotherofgod,withthelightofthecandlesburninginfrontofit,andthemorninglightfallingonitfromthewindow.shelistenedtothewordsoftheservice,andtriedtofollowandunderstandthem.whenshedidunderstandthem,alltheshadesofherpersonalfeelingblendedwithherprayer;whenshedidnotunderstand,itwasstillsweeterforhertothinkthatthedesiretounderstandallwaspride,thatshecouldnotcomprehendall;thatshehadbuttobelieveandgiveherselfuptogod,whowas,shefelt,atthosemomentsguidinghersoul.shecrossedherself,bowedtotheground,andwhenshedidnotfollow,simplyprayedtogodtoforgivehereverything,everything,andtohavemercyonher,inhorroratherownvileness.theprayerintowhichshethrewherselfheartandsoulwastheprayerofrepentance.onthewayhomeintheearlymorning,whentheymetnoonebutmasonsgoingtotheirwork,orporterscleaningthestreets,andeveryonewasasleepinthehouses,natashahadanewsenseofthepossibilityofcorrectingherselfofhersinsandleadinganewlifeofpurityandhappiness.

duringtheweekshespentinthisway,thatfeelinggrewstrongerwitheveryday.andthejoyof“communication,”asagrafenaivanovnalikedtocalltakingthecommunion,seemedtohersogreatthatshefanciedshecouldnotlivetillthatblissfulsunday.

butthehappydaydidcome.andwhenonthatmemorablesundaynatashareturnedfromthesacramentwearingawhitemuslindress,forthefirsttimeformanymonthsshefeltatpeace,andnotoppressedbythelifethatlaybeforeher.

thedoctorcamethatdaytoseenatasha,andgavedirectionsforthepowderstobecontinuedthathehadbegunprescribingafortnightago.“shemustcertainlygoontakingthemmorningandevening,”hesaid,withvisibleandsimple-heartedsatisfactionattheessofhistreatment.“please,don’tforgetthem.youmaysetyourmindatrest,countess,”thedoctorsaidplayfully,ashedeftlyreceivedthegoldinthehollowofhispalm.“shewillsoonbesinginganddancingagain.thelastmedicinehasdonehergreat,greatgood.sheisverymuchbetter.”

thecountesslookedatherfinger-nailsandspat,toaverttheill-omenofsuchwords,aswithacheerfulfaceshewentbacktothedrawing-room.