第139章

第139章butnextday,wantcametomepaleandbare.longafterthelittlebirdshadlefttheirnests;longafterbeeshadcomeinthesweetprimeofdaytogathertheheathhoneybeforethedewwasdried—whenthelongmorningshadowswerecurtailed,andthesunfilledearthandsky—igotup,andilookedroundme.

whatastill,hot,perfectday!whatagoldendesertthisspreadingmoor!everywheresunshine.iwishedicouldliveinitandonit.isawalizardrunoverthecrag;isawabeebusyamongthesweetbilberries.iwouldfainatthemomenthavebecomebeeorlizard,thatimighthavefoundfittingnutriment,permanentshelterhere.butiwasahumanbeing,andhadahumanbeing’swants:imustnotlingerwheretherewasnothingtosupplythem.irose;ilookedbackatthebedihadleft.hopelessofthefuture,iwishedbutthis—thatmymakerhadthatnightthoughtgoodtorequiremysoulofmewhileislept;andthatthiswearyframe,absolvedbydeathfromfurtherconflictwithfate,hadnowbuttodecayquietly,andmingleinpeacewiththesoilofthiswilderness.life,however,wasyetinmypossession,withallitsrequirements,andpains,andresponsibilities.theburdenmustbecarried;thewantprovidedfor;thesufferingendured;theresponsibilityfulfilled.isetout.

whitcrossregained,ifollowedaroadwhichledfromthesun,nowferventandhigh.bynoothercircumstancehadiwilltodecidemychoice.iwalkedalongtime,andwhenithoughtihadnearlydoneenough,andmightconscientiouslyyieldtothefatiguethatalmostoverpoweredme—mightrelaxthisforcedaction,and,sittingdownonastoneisawnear,submitrestlesslytotheapathythatedheartandlimb—iheardabellchime—achurchbell.

iturnedinthedirectionofthesound,andthere,amongsttheromantichills,whosechangesandaspectihadceasedtonoteanhourago,isawahamletandaspire.allthevalleyatmyrighthandwasfullofpasture-fields,andcornfields,andwood;andaglitteringstreamranzig-zagthroughthevariedshadesofgreen,themellowinggrain,thesombrewoodland,theclearandsunnylea.recalledbytherumblingofwheelstotheroadbeforeme,isawaheavily-ladenonlabouringupthehill,andnotfarbeyondweretwocowsandtheirdrover.humanlifeandhumanlabourwerenear.imustleon:strivetoliveandbendtotoilliketherest.

abouttwoo’clockp.m.ienteredthevillage.atthebottomofitsonestreettherewasalittleshopwithsomecakesofbreadinthewindow.icovetedacakeofbread.withthatrefreshmenticouldperhapsregainadegreeofenergy:withoutit,itwouldbedifficulttoproceed.thewishtohavesomestrengthandsomevigourreturnedtomeassoonasiwasamongstmyfellow-beings.ifeltitwouldbedegradingtofaintwithhungeronthecausewayofahamlet.hadinothingaboutmeicouldofferinexchangeforoneoftheserolls?iconsidered.ihadasmallsilkhandkerchieftiedroundmythroat;ihadmygloves.icouldhardlytellhowmenandwomeninextremitiesofdestitutionproceeded.ididnotknowwhethereitherofthesearticleswouldbeaccepted:probablytheywouldnot;butimusttry.

ienteredtheshop:awomanwasthere.seeingarespectably-dressedperson,aladyasshesupposed,shecameforwardwithcivility.howcouldsheserveme?iwasseizedwithshame:mytonguewouldnotuttertherequestihadprepared.idarednotofferherthehalf-worngloves,thecreasedhandkerchief:besides,ifeltitwouldbeabsurd.ionlyedpermissiontositdownamoment,asiwastired.disappointedintheexpectationofacustomer,shecoollyaccededtomyrequest.shepointedtoaseat;isankintoit.ifeltsorelyurgedtoweep;butconscioushowunseasonablesuchamanifestationwouldbe,irestrainedit.sooniaskedher“iftherewereanydressmakerorplain-workwomaninthevillage?”

“yes;twoorthree.quiteasmanyastherewasemploymentfor.”

ireflected.iwasdriventothepointnow.iwasbroughtfacetofacewithnecessity.istoodinthepositionofonewithoutaresource,withoutafriend,withoutacoin.imustdosomething.what?imustapplysomewhere.where?

“didsheknowofanyplaceintheneighbourhoodwhereaservantwaswanted?”

“nay;shecouldn’tsay.”

“whatwasthechieftradeinthisplace?whatdidmostofthepeopledo?”

“somewerefarmlabourers;agooddealworkedatmr.oliver’sneedle-factory,andatthefoundry.”

“didmr.oliveremploywomen?”

“nay;itwasmen’swork.”

“andwhatdothewomendo?”

“iknawn’t,”wastheanswer.“somedoesonething,andsomeanother.poorfolkmungetonastheycan.”

sheseemedtobetiredofmyquestions:and,indeed,whatclaimhaditoimportuneher?aneighbourortwocamein;mychairwasevidentlywanted.itookleave.

ipassedupthestreet,lookingasiwentatallthehousestotherighthandandtotheleft;buticoulddiscovernopretext,norseeaninducementtoenterany.irambledroundthehamlet,goingsometimestoalittledistanceandreturningagain,foranhourormore.muchexhausted,andsufferinggreatlynowforwantoffood,iturnedasideintoalaneandsatdownunderthehedge.eremanyminuteshadelapsed,iwasagainonmyfeet,however,andagainsearchingsomething—aresource,oratleastaninformant.aprettylittlehousestoodatthetopofthelane,withagardenbeforeit,exquisitelyneatandbrilliantlyblooming.istoppedatit.whatbusinesshaditoapproachthewhitedoorortouchtheglitteringknocker?inwhatwaycoulditpossiblybetheinterestoftheinhabitantsofthatdwellingtoserveme?yetidrewnearandknocked.amild-looking,cleanly-attiredyoungwomanopenedthedoor.insuchavoiceasmightbeexpectedfromahopelessheartandfaintingframe—avoicewretchedlylowandfaltering—iaskedifaservantwaswantedhere?

“no,”saidshe;“wedonotkeepaservant.”