第35章
第35章hithertoihaverecordedindetailtheeventsofmyinsignificantexistence:tothefirsttenyearsofmylifeihavegivenalmostasmanychapters.butthisisnottobearegularautobiography.iamonlyboundtoinvokememorywhereiknowherresponseswillpossesssomedegreeofinterest;thereforeinowpassaspaceofeightyearsalmostinsilence:afewlinesonlyarenecessarytokeepupthelinksofconnection.
whenthetyphusfeverhadfulfilleditsmissionofdevastationatlowood,itgraduallydisappearedfromthence;butnottillitsvirulenceandthenumberofitsvictimshaddrawnpublicattentionontheschool.inquirywasmadeintotheoriginofthescourge,andbydegreesvariousfactscameoutwhichexcitedpublicindignationinahighdegree.theunhealthynatureofthesite;thequantityandqualityofthechildren’sfood;thebrackish,fetidwaterusedinitspreparation;thepupils’wretchedclothingandaccommodations—allthesethingswerediscovered,andthediscoveryproducedaresultmortifyingtomr.brocklehurst,butbeneficialtotheinstitution.
severalwealthyandbenevolentindividualsinthecountysubscribedlargelyfortheerectionofamoreconvenientbuildinginabettersituation;newregulationsweremade;improvementsindietandclothingintroduced;thefundsoftheschoolwereintrustedtothemanagementofacommittee.mr.brocklehurst,who,fromhiswealthandfamilyconnections,couldnotbeoverlooked,stillretainedthepostoftreasurer;buthewasaidedinthedischargeofhisdutiesbygentlemenofrathermoreenlargedandsympathisingminds:hisofficeofinspector,too,wassharedbythosewhoknewhowtocombinereasonwithstrictness,comfortwitheconomy,compassionwithuprightness.theschool,thusimproved,becameintimeatrulyusefulandnobleinstitution.iremainedaninmateofitswalls,afteritsregeneration,foreightyears:sixaspupil,andtwoasteacher;andinbothcapacitiesibearmytestimonytoitsvalueandimportance.
duringtheseeightyearsmylifewasuniform:butnotunhappy,becauseitwasnotinactive.ihadthemeansofanexcellenteducationplacedwithinmyreach;afondnessforsomeofmystudies,andadesiretoexcelinall,togetherwithagreatdelightinpleasingmyteachers,especiallysuchasiloved,urgedmeon:iavailedmyselffullyoftheadvantagesofferedme.intimeirosetobethefirstgirlofthefirstclass;theniwasinvestedwiththeofficeofteacher;whichidischargedwithzealfortwoyears:butattheendofthattimeialtered.
misstemple,throughallchanges,hadthusfarcontinuedsuperintendentoftheseminary:toherinstructioniowedthebestpartofmyacquirements;herfriendshipandsocietyhadbeenmycontinualsolace;shehadstoodmeinthesteadofmother,governess,and,latterly,companion.atthisperiodshemarried,removedwithherhusband(aclergyman,anexcellentman,almostworthyofsuchawife)toadistantcounty,andconsequentlywaslosttome.
fromthedaysheleftiwasnolongerthesame:withherwasgoneeverysettledfeeling,everyassociationthathadmadelowoodinsomedegreeahometome.ihadimbibedfromhersomethingofhernatureandmuchofherhabits:moreharmoniousthoughts:whatseemedbetterregulatedfeelingshadbecometheinmatesofmymind.ihadgiveninallegiancetodutyandorder;iwasquiet;ibelievediwascontent:totheeyesofothers,usuallyeventomyown,iappearedadisciplinedandsubduedcharacter.
butdestiny,intheshapeoftherev.mr.nasmyth,camebetweenmeandmisstemple:isawherinhertravellingdressstepintoapost-chaise,shortlyafterthemarriageceremony;iwatchedthechaisemountthehillanddisappearbeyonditsbrow;andthenretiredtomyownroom,andtherespentinsolitudethegreatestpartofthehalf-holidaygrantedinhonouroftheoccasion.
iwalkedaboutthechambermostofthetime.iimaginedmyselfonlytoberegrettingmyloss,andthinkinghowtorepairit;butwhenmyreflectionswereconcluded,andilookedupandfoundthattheafternoonwasgone,andeveningfaradvanced,anotherdiscoverydawnedonme,namely,thatintheintervalihadundergoneatransformingprocess;thatmymindhadputoffallithadborrowedofmisstemple—orratherthatshehadtakenwithherthesereneatmosphereihadbeenbreathinginhervicinity—andthatnowiwasleftinmynaturalelement,andbeginningtofeelthestirringofoldemotions.itdidnotseemasifapropwerewithdrawn,butratherasifamotiveweregone:itwasnotthepowertobetranquilwhichhadfailedme,butthereasonfortranquillitywasnomore.myworldhadforsomeyearsbeeninlowood:myexperiencehadbeenofitsrulesandsystems;nowirememberedthattherealworldwaswide,andthatavariedfieldofhopesandfears,ofsensationsandexcitements,awaitedthosewhohadcouragetogoforthintoitsexpanse,toseekrealknowledgeoflifeamidstitsperils.