第34章

第34章itmightbetwohourslater,probablyneareleven,wheni—nothavingbeenabletofallasleep,anddeeming,fromtheperfectsilenceofthedormitory,thatmycompanionswereallwraptinprofoundrepose—rosesoftly,putonmyfrockovermynight-dress,and,withoutshoes,creptfromtheapartment,andsetoffinquestofmisstemple’sroom.itwasquiteattheotherendofthehouse;butiknewmyway;andthelightoftheuncloudedsummermoon,enteringhereandthereatpassagewindows,enabledmetofinditwithoutdifficulty.anodourofcamphorandburntvinegarwarnedmewhenicamenearthefeverroom:andipasseditsdoorquickly,fearfullestthenursewhosatupallnightshouldhearme.idreadedbeingdiscoveredandsentback;forimustseehelen,—imustembraceherbeforeshedied,—imustgiveheronelastkiss,exchangewithheronelastword.

havingdescendedastaircase,traversedaportionofthehousebelow,andeededinopeningandshutting,withoutnoise,twodoors,ireachedanotherflightofsteps;theseimounted,andthenjustoppositetomewasmisstemple’sroom.alightshonethroughthekeyholeandfromunderthedoor;aprofoundstillnesspervadedthevicinity.comingnear,ifoundthedoorslightlyajar;probablytoadmitsomefreshairintothecloseabodeofsickness.indisposedtohesitate,andfullofimpatientimpulses—soulandsensesquiveringwithkeenthroes—iputitbackandlookedin.myeyesoughthelen,andfearedtofinddeath.

closebymisstemple’sbed,andhalfcoveredwithitswhitecurtains,therestoodalittlecrib.isawtheoutlineofaformundertheclothes,butthefacewashidbythehangings:thenurseihadspokentointhegardensatinaneasy-chairasleep;anunsnuffedcandleburntdimlyonthetable.misstemplewasnottobeseen:iknewafterwardsthatshehadbeencalledtoadeliriouspatientinthefever-room.iadvanced;thenpausedbythecribside:myhandwasonthecurtain,butipreferredspeakingbeforeiwithdrewit.istillrecoiledatthedreadofseeingacorpse.

“helen!”iwhisperedsoftly,“areyouawake?”

shestirredherself,putbackthecurtain,andisawherface,pale,wasted,butquitecomposed:shelookedsolittlechangedthatmyfearwasinstantlydissipated.

“canitbeyou,jane?”sheasked,inherowngentlevoice.

“oh!”ithought,“sheisnotgoingtodie;theyaremistaken:shecouldnotspeakandlooksocalmlyifshewere.”

igotontohercribandkissedher:herforeheadwascold,andhercheekbothcoldandthin,andsowereherhandandwrist;butshesmiledasofold.

“whyareyoucomehere,jane?itispasteleveno’clock:ihearditstrikesomeminutessince.”

“icametoseeyou,helen:iheardyouwereveryill,andicouldnotsleeptillihadspokentoyou.”

“youcametobidmegood-bye,then:youarejustintimeprobably.”

“areyougoingsomewhere,helen?areyougoinghome?”

“yes;tomylonghome—mylasthome.”

“no,no,helen!”istopped,distressed.whileitriedtodevourmytears,afitofcoughingseizedhelen;itdidnot,however,wakethenurse;whenitwasover,shelaysomeminutesexhausted;thenshewhispered—

“jane,yourlittlefeetarebare;liedownandcoveryourselfwithmyquilt.”

ididso:sheputherarmoverme,andinestledclosetoher.afteralongsilence,sheresumed,stillwhispering—

“iamveryhappy,jane;andwhenyouhearthatiamdead,youmustbesureandnotgrieve:thereisnothingtogrieveabout.weallmustdieoneday,andtheillnesswhichisremovingmeisnotpainful;itisgentleandgradual:mymindisatrest.ileavenoonetoregretmemuch:ihaveonlyafather;andheislatelymarried,andwillnotmissme.bydyingyoung,ishallescapegreatsufferings.ihadnotqualitiesortalentstomakemywayverywellintheworld:ishouldhavebeencontinuallyatfault.”

“butwhereareyougoingto,helen?canyousee?doyouknow?”

“ibelieve;ihavefaith:iamgoingtogod.”

“whereisgod?whatisgod?”

“mymakerandyours,whowillneverdestroywhathecreated.irelyimplicitlyonhispower,andconfidewhollyinhisgoodness:icountthehourstillthateventfulonearriveswhichshallrestoremetohim,revealhimtome.”

“youaresure,then,helen,thatthereissuchaplaceasheaven,andthatoursoulscangettoitwhenwedie?”

“iamsurethereisafuturestate;ibelievegodisgood;icanresignmyimmortalparttohimwithoutanymisgiving.godismyfather;godismyfriend:ilovehim;ibelievehelovesme.”

“andshalliseeyouagain,helen,whenidie?”

“youwillcometothesameregionofhappiness:bereceivedbythesamemighty,universalparent,nodoubt,dearjane.”

againiquestioned,butthistimeonlyinthought.“whereisthatregion?doesitexist?”andiclaspedmyarmscloserroundhelen;sheseemeddearertomethanever;ifeltasificouldnotlethergo;ilaywithmyfacehiddenonherneck.presentlyshesaid,inthesweetesttone—

“howcomfortableiam!thatlastfitofcoughinghastiredmealittle;ifeelasificouldsleep:butdon’tleaveme,jane;iliketohaveyounearme.”

“i’llstaywithyou,dearhelen:nooneshalltakemeway.”

“areyouwarm,darling?”

“yes.”

无一错一首一发一内一容一在一6一9一书一吧一看！

“good-night,jane.”

“good-night,helen.”

shekissedme,andiher,andwebothsoonslumbered.

wheniawokeitwasday:anunusualmovementrousedme;ilookedup;iwasinsomebody’sarms;thenurseheldme;shewascarryingmethroughthepassagebacktothedormitory.iwasnotreprimandedforleavingmybed;peoplehadsomethingelsetothinkabout;noexplanationwasaffordedthentomymanyquestions;butadayortwoafterwardsilearnedthatmisstemple,onreturningtoherownroomatdawn,hadfoundmelaidinthelittlecrib;myfaceagainsthelenburns’sshoulder,myarmsroundherneck.iwasasleep,andhelenwas—dead.

hergraveisinbrocklebridgechurchyard:forfifteenyearsafterherdeathitwasonlycoveredbyagrassymound;butnowagreymarbletabletmarksthespot,inscribedwithhername,andtheword“resurgam.”